Some Ramblings Concerning ze Illuminati

Ok, so let’s start with one of the most known things in triangular culture, the Doritos.

• spicy
• orange
• cool-looking
• orange dust on ze fingers
• hotter than you

But this information does not only apply to simple Doritos—this applies to Cheetos as well. What else is connected with Cheetos? Chester the Cheetah! He is the mascot on all Cheetos bags, with a cool attitude and amazing style. In fact, if you look at this picture, you will see there isn’t a single triangle on him. This is because Chester here is not part of Illuminati, but the Circalami. 

In 1966, Doritos were created, marking the beginning of the famously unfamous triangle society. About thirty-eight years later, Cheetos debuted. Is this a coincidence? I THINK NOT! The number three is obviously the three points of the triangle, but the eight remains a mystery. 8. The number eight is made up of two circles, but why two?

To answer this question we need to go back to Chester. Who could possibly be the second circle? Of course, it is Tony the Tiger, the mascot for Frosted Flakes!

If you look closely, you’ll see that he has black stripes on his body, in the shape of you guessed it! TRIANGLES!

What does this mean? If Tony is one of the 2 subgroups of …

Could it be? Are Doritos, Chester the Cheetah, and Tony the Tiger coming to haunt us all? This means that there are 2 subgroups, the Illuminati and the Circalami! Does this mean that they are in all one big group? Or are they rivaling sides?

All we are left with is one clue: “THEY’RE GGGGGRRRREAT!”

Let’s analyze this quote by our beloved tiger. When he says GGGGGRRRREAT is he referring to either pleasure, size, or number.

But what exactly is he referring to?

An army filled with Illuminati militants? WHAT IS HE TRYING TO SAY?

Let’s gather some evidence from this Uncyclopedia Article:

This astounding ability did not go unnoticed, and when he reached the age of 18, Tony received an invitation to attend Cambridge University. He literally leaped at the chance,^[1] and was soon studying for a major in English Language. While at university, Tony’s interest in politics was heightened. He soon joined the Cambridge Debating Society, both silencing rivals and impressing veteran debaters with his quick-witted responses to the various arguments raised. In one particular debate, in which Tony was arguing for the capitalist South Korea, her allies, and their ideologies in relation to the Korean War, he felled the opposition with the one rebuke: “They’re grrrreat!” These two carefully-chosen words silenced his debating rivals and saw him go down in Cambridge history as one of the true greats of oratory,” — http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Tony_the_Tiger

By this article, carefully chosen from a reliable source, we can see that Tony the Tiger has been fighting for us all along. This is what we need. WORLD PEACE OUT!

 

Weird Things I used to Think

When I was a child, like most children, I didn’t understand every single aspect of the world I was in. So, to solve this predicament, I created some theories about the world I was in that I was fully invested in.

What is the Universe?

Before I start answering this question, I would like to remind you, dear nonexistent reader, that I completely believed all of this.

So what is the universe? Why does it exist? Why does space exist? Why does anything exist? Why can’t it not exist? What is existence?

There is nothing but imagination. We are actually a world inside of a world. We are the figment of the imagination of some other being we cannot see or interact with.

We are inside a crayon-drawing on a sheet of lined notebook paper, and if one were to take a spaceship to the end of the universe, the spaceship would hit the edge of the paper and stop. It would not be able to go any further because the paper had ended.

Where do Clouds Come from?

The clouds are actually made by planes. Every morning, before I wake up, planes fly through the sky, creating the fluffy wonders we call clouds.

When pilots take the day off, we have cloudless days.

This is also how meteorologists know what the weather is going to be.

 

Meteorologist: “Hey Pilot, what’s the weather today?”

Pilot: “I made some storm clouds earlier. It should rain.”

Meteorologist: “Great. Thanks. I’ll call you back later. Want to go out for some coffee?”

Pilot: “Nah. I’m good. I don’t drink caffeine.”

Meteorologist: “What about cake? Brownies?”

Pilot: “I actually do drink coffee. I was just trying to politely refuse your offer because I don’t like you and would rather do anything else than spend more time with you than I have to.”

Meteorologist:

Pilot:

Meteorologist: So cookies?

Pilot: ——

Where does Fog Come From?

When the clouds are too heavy are for the sky, they descend to Earth as fog.

Duplication

You know how when your eyes unfocus you can see double? I thought that things would actually duplicate themselves for the longest time and once, I spent the entire day thinking that I had switched my feet around.

Driving

You know how when it’s dark and you squint at lights the lights kind of spread out? I thought that the light actually got brighter for the longest time. Whenever it was dark and we were driving, I would squint to make the lights brighter and help my father drive.

Characters on TV

We had this large, boxy TV, not a flatscreen, and I used to think that the television characters lived in the TV. Read more about this here.

Magical Car

Small people today have electric cars that can move by themselves when you press the gas pedal. When I was a kid, we had these plastic cars which were like bubbles on wheels with a hole in the floor. So you were to sit in the car and stick your feet through the hole and walk. So basically, it was just walking, but less efficiently because you had to lug a plastic car around you.

Well, this was the type of car the other kids had. My car was powered by magic and moved by itself.

But this “magic” was actually my parents pushing from behind.

 

What crazy stuff did you believe in as a kid?

My Pet Moths

When I said that my only pets were plants, I lied. Unintentionally, of course. I also had some pet moths.

Way back a long time ago, in kindergarten to be specific, everyone in my class received a board game. I mean, technically it was a board game, but it was printed on regular printing paper, which, as the name implies, is used for printing upon. Usually. Printing paper has a plethora of other uses too, which I’m sure you can use your own imagination to figure out.

So anyway, returning to the point at hand, my lovely kindergarten teacher gave us all a board game and Mexican Jumping Beans. I was entranced by the beans. My five-year-old mind could not process the magic of legumes that moved on their own. Usually, legumes require people to move them.

We were not told that Mexican Jumping Beans are not, in fact, beans, but rather they are moth larvae.

So I brought four or five moth larvae home, convinced that they were magical beans.

For a few minutes, days, or weeks, I can’t remember, we all played this lovely board game with my magical beans. It was brilliant.

Then, one morning, I wake up, as most people do on most mornings, and I decided to play my lovely board game. I was very surprised to find that the little plastic box where I kept my magic beans were full of moths.

 

The Underside

I’ve been working on this story for about a year.

I’ve got a page-and-a-half finished.

*face-palm*

It’s true that I haven’t really been working on it…

I got around twenty pages done, but then I decided to change the entire plot. So the second time, I actually mapped out what I wanted to happen, but that was tiring. So about a month later, I wrote a page-and-a-half of it, which is pretty impressive, considering how lazy I am.

It’s on Wattpad too, which I just tried for the first time. It was an interesting experience. I’m hoping it’ll spur me to write more of it.

So I present to you a page-and-a-half of The Underside:

 

I stare at the lunch tray before me. Specifically, at the tuna sandwich. It used to be Sam’s favorite. I push the tray away, refusing to eat it, but I can’t tear my eyes away from it. I turn to Xera beside me, chirping away about who-knows-what.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that,” I say, prompting her to repeat whatever she had said.

She glares at me and says, “Do you want me to repeat the entire thing or just the last five minutes?”

I blink at her.

“Nevermind, it wasn’t important anyway, Zack.”

This happens way too much nowadays. I can’t focus on anything. I suppose I should get used to it. I poke her in the side. “Come on, tell me.”

“No, you wouldn’t want to hear it anyway.”

I freeze and withdraw, knowing exactly what she is talking about. The Venture to Inbetween. Everyone knows that the world is flat. That there are two sides. This side, the Aboveworld, and the Underside. No one really knows what’s on the Underside, but we know it exists.

And then there’s Inbetween. It’s beyond Earth, but unlike the Aboveworld and the Underside, Inbetween is a myth, nothing but the ramblings of delusional people, but two of those delusional people are Xera’s parents. They left her to go to Inbetween when she was six and now she lives with her aunt and uncle. In a few days, Xera’s going to sail off the Edge to find something that isn’t real. And she’s going to die.

I look at my lunch and memories of the car crash that killed my brother come to mind. I remember it with painful clarity. I can never forget, thanks to my horrifying photographic memory. So I look to my right and find myself staring into the eyes of my almost-dead best friend. A groan escapes my lips and I close my eyes, unwilling to face the misery that is my world.

 

***

 

A few days passed without mention of Inbetween after that terrible lunch. I’d spent the rest of the day hungry, but I was still glad I hadn’t eaten that sandwich.

The sun paints shadows of the towering trees on the forest floor, twigs and leaves crunching underfoot as our class walks through the woods, Mr. Paisley identifying the different trees and birds. I can’t pay attention, my mind refuses to think of anything other than the fact that Xera is leaving tomorrow. I haven’t spoken to her all day. I’m afraid if I open my mouth while she’s in sight, she’ll figure out how much I want her to stay, but I don’t want to make this any more difficult for her than it already is.

I glance at the puffy white clouds, but they all look like headstones or screaming children. I shake my head and focus on the grass, only looking up when the students grow silent, waiting for something, probably me.

“He asked you what kind of bird that one is,” Xera whispered next to me, gesturing subtly at the bird Mr. Paisley was talking about.

“Oh,” I say distractedly. “It’s a Baeolophus bicolor, or more commonly, a tufted titmouse.” As the words leave my mouth, everything I know about the bird floods to the forefront of my mind. I shake my head again to clear it. It never seems to stay empty anymore. I sigh heavily and return to watching the sun play with the grass.

 

 

What do you think?

Harry Potter and the Parentheses

I recently finished the Harry Potter series. I know, I know, I’m sort of late, but still, at least I’ve read it (*cough cough Spinette hasn’t yet cough).

While I could tell you what I thought about the book in proper review manner, I’d rather talk about this one issue I had with the book following the colon:

In one of the books, the sixth or fifth or some other number entirely between one and seven, Dumbledore is speaking and in the middle of the dialogue, there’s a pair of parentheses. Like this:

“How’d my brownie (made of vanilla and coffee) get all the way up on that flagpole?” Spinette exclaims.

How does one go about conveying parentheses in vocal conversations? Will someone please explain this to me?

Top Five Ways To Become a Better Writer

Since I am an experienced author, who knows exactly what I’m doing, I am going share some tips with you on how you can be a better author!

1. Examine

Everything starts with examining, from social gatherings to chess to writing! Examine books that you like or have a twist ending that you didn’t see coming. Read books 24/7, making sure not to get any useful work done on your story. Read until you drop, and mean literally drop from all the things you’ve seen in books that you are incorporating into your own that are automatically now known to you as clichés!  Another thing to consider is reading Wattpad stories and fanfiction instead of actual published stories. This will give you insight on what to put in your story to make others laugh out loud at various grammatical errors.

2. Complicated Romances 

Love Triangles are the best thing of all books and should not be a cliché. Triangles are wonderful, amazing plots of indecision, stupidity, featuring a main character who is as bland as crust-less bread. In fact, there is a whole subject dedicated to triangles of love called trigonometry. Make the main character so boring and so much of a blank slate that it is a SIN. Next, make that whiteboard fall in love with someone, COS he is good-looking but terrible to other human beings. And finally, make her fall in love with another person simply because his shade of blackness in his heart is way more TAN and he is even more gorgeous! Soon, move on to geometry, with love squares, octagon, decagons and even hexa-flexa-gons!

3. Voluminous Quarrels

The applicability of elephantine colloquy within the practice of scripting for the populace is veritably uncomplicated, and will not vamoose your nonexistent congregation of devotees discombobulated at all, especially if they are the mini versions of humankind. As a statement that is proven with various experiments and evidence, it is substantiated that a chronicle containing voluminous quarrels will not be insipid or vacuous.

Phew, I’m tired of all those big words! Let’s end this fact!

4. Details

I just love details! The reader can just picture something amazing in his/her/whatever your cup of tea/yeah/this slash contains all human beings/or if happen to be an animal mind. Wasn’t that group of slashes, that wonderful, slanted, narrow, typed in flawlessly, group of slashes just include everything! This is what I needlessly, helplessly, beautifully, begrudgingly, amazingly, and crystal clearly am telling you, you nonexistent, smelly, stanky, but awesome readers! For more clarification, I will provide an example:

She opens the door passionately on the wooden floor of the room, smelling with sweaty strangers, unknown body odor, and bursting with loud music from outside, that busts into my delicate, elfish ears. The girl brushes the hair out of her face, her face, pale, white and decorated with intricate spiderwebs, made from teensy weensy strings of spider silk. Her hair is a sugary grey, not a flat, dull, insipid grey, but a warm, steamy, graceful color, that just would seem to complement the rainbow if a part of it. Her eyes are crystal clear, blue like the sea, a boundless, endless, but calm and serene sea, with her eyelashes only admiring like corals do on the surface of the sandy sand. I slowly tell her, with great anger, sorrow, with my crimson, rose, blood coursing through my veins, like a surfer on a tremendous wave of heated anxiety…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“5. END ON A CLIFFHANGER! (actual fifth tip will come at a later date and time)” 

 

Stuffs

Hello, dear nonexistent readers.

I’ve tried my hand at Wattpad, which was interesting.

I’m working on a story called The Underside, so make sure to check it out here.

Zack can’t handle it anymore. His brother is dead and still haunting him and his best friend is going to sail off the Edge of the Earth to find her long-lost parents and he will never see her again. He thinks that his life can’t get any worse when he’s sucked into the mythical Underside and he can’t find his way back.
Kaz’s life is bitter, but he’s used to it. It’s always been that way. Until one day, everything turns around and he finds himself in another world. But this world isn’t perfect either.

Musics

I personally prefer rock music. Classic rock, indie rock, whatever, but not heavy metal. Surprising, I know.

When I was a kid, I used to say that rock was my least favorite genre of music, without having ever heard it, because I thought it was all screaming and guitar-smashing. So five-year-old me was grouping all rock with heavy metal. But the irony to this is that all my favorite songs were actually rock, I just didn’t know.

So here are the bands I usually listen to (although I’m open to other songs as well):

• Imagine Dragons!!! – Favorite isn’t a strong enough word to describe how much I love them.
• The Score– Unstoppable
• OneRepublic- Counting Stars, Apologize
• Fall Out Boys
• Bastille- Pompeii!!!
• 21 Pilots

And when I don’t feel like listening to words:

• ThePianoGuys
• Lindsey Stirling

Obviously:

• All Star by Smash Mouth

Random Fact: I play the flute. Spinette does too, but she played the baritone for a while. I also played the viola for a year (although I can’t really remember how to anymore) and Spinette plays the piano as well.

A Celebration

Wonderful pineapples, dear nonexistent readers.

I would like to announce the one-monthaversary of our first book, Slugventures: The Adventures of a Slug.

To celebrate, Spinette and I will be hosting an imaginary party. Spinette wanted to invite multiple people, but I later stole the invitations from the post office we agreed that we only need my spiders and my cactus for the party to be a blast. But I did grudgingly agree to invite Ned the Narwhal, as well. [Check out Ned’s blog here. (Spinette types them as Ned only possesses flippers and is lacking in the finger department, and fingers are necessary for typing purposes.)]

So I present *drumroll* OUR FIRST BOOK!!!:

 

Slugventures is the documentation of the adventures of a certain slug named PeeWee who is racing to save the Unicornian race from the perils of imprisonment.
He is racing against a similarly named slug, PeaWea, who is the definition of evil (according to certain dictionaries). PeaWea is determined to expose the secret of the unicorns and doom them to lives behind iron bars.
PeeWee is assisted only by a set of various acquaintances: a unicorn, another unicorn, a dog, another dog (who is special), a fly (who is really more of a nuisance), and a snail.
They travel to the farthest reaches of space and traverse the Earth, hunting for a way to save the world and Unicornia, the land of the unicorns, from PeaWea.

Fifth Grade Science Fairs and Tomato Cannibalism

Long, long ago, I was in fifth grade, my mind was weird, and I participated in a science fair.

Like all the other fifth graders in my school, I was assigned to do my very first science fair. I was very excited. I was going to revolutionize the world. I was going to discover something new, brilliant, and world-changing.

I scoured the internet, searching for the perfect project, but none of them were good enough. They were too easy, too boring, too plain. None of them were special enough, unique enough. I needed something new, something great.

So I scoured my mind for the perfect solution, the perfect project. An idea had been stirring in the back of my mind for a while, ever since the beginning, before the announcement of the project had yet to reach an hour of age.

I was going to see if tomato ketchup would help tomato plants grow, essentially, tomato cannibalism.

I received my first pet plant for this very science fair. I grew those tomato plants from little round seeds, checking the moist, brown soil every day to see evidence of sprouts pushing their way to the sun.

After they’d grown for a little while to a significant height, I began my experiment. The plan was to give one pot of plants (the control group) two tablespoons of water every other day and give the other pot of plants (the test group) one tablespoon of water and one tablespoon of tomato ketchup.

A simile: My fifth-grade science project was like feeding babies a paste made from ground-up and seasoned dead people.

“Every other day”, I would count the total number of leaves in each pot and record the height of the tallest plant (each pot contained about 13 tomato plants).

In the previous paragraph/sentence, I put “”Every other day,”” in quotation marks because “every other day” was how often I’d planned to water the plants and record their height and leaves, but this was not how it actually turned out. I was a very busy fifth grader, and I often forgot about my tomato plants locked away in the sunny guest bedroom, which I rarely visited.

Every once in a while, I would water them and record data, but this was very inconsistent. Eventually, they shriveled up and died from lack of water and love, but in the official report (aka my science fair board) their death was blamed on the innocent ketchup.

My project was called “Catch up on the Ketchup News”, catchy, right? The title was hand-painted, the graphs were hand-drawn, and the pictures of the plants were also hand-drawn (as I didn’t know we were supposed to take pictures. How convenient that I could portray my dying plants however I pleased…).

I found my board a few months ago. While I was brimming with pride in fifth grade, I now see it for what it truly was: horrifying and immoral.

My Foodies

Surely, some of you, nonexistent readers, know what a food baby is. For those who don’t know, they are the result of what happens when you eat way too much of your favorite food. But the thing people never talk about are the food dudes or food babes, or the food … whatever suits your cup of tea.

*Sips milk tea*

Speaking of that, one of my food love interests is tea. Not just normal tea, milk tea, preferably with the black caterpillars, with lots and lots of sugar. If it is correctly done, tea is my weakness (Arachnid you can forget this). Unknowingly, when I am in a social gathering of old people who drink tea, I repeatedly go to the counter and fix up a cup of tea. Usually, I use these percentages for my tea making, so for those of you who do not like tea, take note:

Hot milk: 20%

Tea bag: 10% (if it is Earl Grey do 20%)

Sugar/ Honey: 70% (no butts!)

Another favorite foodie (scandalous!) of mine is underwater mini prawns, otherwise known as shrimps. I especially enjoy them on skewers, freshly grilled from the local seafood restaurant. Recently though, I discovered that all shrimps were bread using a disgusting technique where the shrimps are raised in dirty, toxic water. Of course, I didn’t think twice about eating shrimp for my occasional eight hour bath.

Cheesecake is one of my sweetest food … whatever suits my tea, because who doesn’t love cheese + cake! (Except the lactose intolerants…you are missing out.) It is so creamy and sweet and wonderful. Sometimes I cut up the cheese cake into teeny pieces then chew, say about thirty-three times and try to savor the flavor as much as I can. Let’s just say cheesecake is hard to come by for a below average wage author such as myself with a carnivorous monster always there to eat my food.

404 NO ENDING FOUND

BYE.

 

Recycling

WE MUST ALL RECYCLE!

It is imperative that we all recycle!

Recycle!

You must.

 

Many people do not recycle, and I find that absurd. Recycling is quite simple really, instead of putting your plastic in one type of container, you put it in another container that often smells much more pleasant.

Recycling requires no more energy than throwing something away. Even lazy people can do it.

But recycling is so much better for the environment. It keeps landfills less full, less plastic must be made, and fewer trees have to be cut down.

Truly, recycling is a win-win-win situation.

 

But, sometimes, people want to recycle, they really do, but the facility that they are in does not contain recycling bins. This is even more absurd. If your facility contains a trash can, then it should have a recycling bin as well.

It should be a rule: Wherever there is a trash can, there should be a recycling bin right next to it.

If a place does not have a recycling bin, a person may just shrug and throw away his or her water bottle, which would then go to a landfill and take 450 years to decompose.

I will repeat: Water bottles take an average of 450 YEARS to decompose in landfills.

 

I think that recycling bins should be tall and narrow like trash cans instead of short and squat like they normally are. It would make them more noticeable, and if a person notices a recycling bin, it would elevate his or her guilt of choosing not to recycle. Of choosing to put a water bottle in a landfill for 45o years.

 

Why should someone choose not to recycle? Why would a place choose not to have the option of recycling available to its patrons?

Why should people choose to destroy the Earth?

 

My note to you: RECYCLE!

 

Check out Mavis Dee’s view on recycling here.

Match Box

Perfectly constructed. The perfect bread sandwich. Three pieces of bread, no crust, and a wonderfully spongy texture.

I patted my beautiful creation, taking off my chef’s hat, as Arachnid walked in.

“What’s this?” she asked, shuffling the bread in her cactus-covered hands. “Is this what you eat to control your stalker urges?” She took a bite. “It’s….” She chewed some more, “Really good!”

I wrinkled my now-healed nose at her.

“I think I should write a blog post about this! It’ll be my first time writing about you.” Then she scrutinized my face. “Are you mad at me? For a simple sandwich?”

“You just…,” I tried to stop myself from bursting into flames, “ATE IT!”

“Yeah.” She cocked her head. “So?”

“She… the sandwich…” Tears bubbled up from the pressure I was putting forth to not freak out. “I was going to eat it!”

“You could just make another one,” she mumbled, backing away slowly.

I just ignored her, taking out a vanilla scented candle and lighting it. “For the bread sandwich. For all the memories we shared…”

“ARE YOU BECOMING MASTER?” (you, dear nonexistent reader, will understand this once our next book comes out) “Oh, blobfish!” she cursed. A spider crawled up her arm, uttering little, worried mumbles I couldn’t understand. Sometimes those spiders get on my nerves.

I continued to mourn for the bread sandwich.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” She shook her head. “I told you! No more weird things! Like crying for a sandwich.”

With my fingers twitching in anger, I blew out the candle and stormed away from her.

I watched person of interest from behind the threshold.

“This is a surprisingly normal scent,” she murmured, smelling the candle. “Not a trick. Wow, Spinette.”

There was a long pause.

“Too bad,” Arachnid spat out a match, “That I’m not normal.” She swiped the match on her wrist, watching it catch fire. “You were right Spinette. I am a matchbox.”

“WHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAA!” That was definitely not normal.

“Spyder? Are you still there?” She whirled around.

By the time she looked behind the door, I was in a bush, eating Hot Cheetos. She’ll never be able to catch me here! 

I patted my pet octopus Anihparas and gazed at the stars, feeling a ticklish sensation on my foot. I checked my foot, finding a black blob and looked up. Then I did a double-take.

“Spider!” My body flailed around in shock. “GET OFF MEEEE!”

Then it farted, glitter spilling onto my hands. “GAHHH! HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THAT! OH, EGGS! DOES 1+1=0?” I fell into the poky rose bush, throwing the glitter into the air. It rained down on my face as I tumbled to my eventual death.

Luckily, Arachnid was about to light the bush, and caught me, or rather, crumpled under my weight into the bush.

“Arachnid!” I smiled. “You saved me, you adorable match box!”

“NOT ADORABLE,” she grumbled.

“You… weird match box!” I tapped her nose.

“I have to clean the chimney,” she scoffed. “Check those suggestions on Slugventures for me.”

“Kiwi!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Anime Favorite Five

Anime is Anime. A place where magic powers can be almost be anything, where emotions of characters are exaggerated by a million, and where smart plot-lines can actually happen in the realm of animation.

So now for the list!

5. Death Note

With notebook of death, and the insane Light Yagami behind it, will L bring this anonymous killer to justice? This anime… is just so dramatic, but so smart at the same time, with a notebook of death as the premise. It can make eating potato chips dramatic! And deliver amazing twists that just leave you wanting more and more. The two main characters, Light and L  (geniuses) fight on, head to head in this thrilling anime. My only complaint is that the supporting characters (Light’s Dad, Misa, etc.) are such air-heads and are pieces of dust compared to the main duo. Another perk of this anime is watching L’s toes rub against each other which I found aesthetically pleasing.

4. Nichijou

Like the last one on the list, this anime is dramatic, but not just dramatic, off the charts dramatic! It makes mundane school life sound like a shonen anime! Plus, it is hilarious with jokes that know that they are jokes. I have fantasies of petting the birds (the thing you see on the brown-haired girl’s head) that are on all the spines of the manga, since all the animation is so soft and nice! I have no complaints.

3. Naruto Shippuden

This is one of the big three, so why not put it on number three? The best thing about Naruto is the characters, with elaborate backstories, and signature moves that are always changing. Naruto is constantly building up his skills as a ninja, as are all the other characters. But, the true reason I put this anime, out of the big three (One Piece, Naruto, and Blech) is because the fight scenes are awesome (Actually I put it on here so I could imagine the smoothness of Gaara’s forehead without eyebrows, but it’s same thing, right?)

2. Erased

Erased, no matter how overdone the time-travel concept has been, still blew my mind. It takes a new spinoff of it where our main character goes through time leaps when something goes wrong—- usually just a couple of seconds. But, when the time leap goes full circle on all his problems, his pizza-man job, his rejection of being a manga artist, and a maniac killer following his small family unit, he gets transported into the past when he was a child. I really like how the story twists, and the anime style too.

Honorable Mentions

Yuri on Ice!

WE WERE BORN TO SHIP VICTURI!

Kotoura-San

Manabae is relatable on so many levels. ALSO MURUTO-SENPAI’S FACE!

1. Your Name

This anime movie is the most beautiful, and the most emotional anime I have ever watched. I really enjoy how it doesn’t start at the beginning but after one day of the main character’s switching lives. It’s an old concept, Freaky Friday type, but it’s done so amazingly that I couldn’t discount this as overdone! The animation is everything perfect about the world and the story had a twist that had me screaming in my bed! So, if you do anything after reading this watch Your Name, if you haven’t done so already.

PARALLEL UNIVERSES

I have discovered the secret to finding a parallel universe. Physicists buckle your E=MC squared and behold the greatest achievement of mankind.

IF I FACETIME WITHIN A FACETIME I CAN OPEN UP RIFTS IN THE VERY THREADS IN THE UNIVERSE CAUSING A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.

*In case you don’t know what FaceTime is, it is similar to Skype, where you can see peoples faces within a call, like a video*

VIDEO KILLED THE RADIO STAR! (does anyone know that song? Comment below!)

AND FACETIME KILLED THE WORM-HOLE THEORY!

Ha, ha white holes! I guess you don’t exist anymore!

Wait, DOES ANYTHING EXIST?

If you are here, and I am here, and my computer is here…

I guess we don’t.

 

My Irrational Fears #1

Like everyone else, I have fears that are completely irrational, which means they make absolutely no sense. This will be a series of posts as I have quite a few irrational fears and stories that go along with them.

Escalators

I used to love escalators. I would go to a certain place just to ride on the escalator over and over and over. But then, once, I didn’t step perfectly between the lines while it was flat and my heel caught on the edge of the step behind me as it began to rise and while I didn’t nearly fall, or actually fall, it frightened me. This one mishap wasn’t enough to completely eradicate my lifelong love of escalators, but when it happened again, my lifelong love of escalators was completely eradicated.

Once, we were trying to go down an escalator, as most people tend to try with escalators. My father was holding my and my brother’s hands. This was before I realized that I was afraid of escalators.

As we approached the escalators, I began to hyperventilate and generally freak out.

My brother stepped onto the deadly moving staircase first, followed by my father, but my legs had locked into place and they would not move.

The arm that was locked in my father’s hand began to stretch as they moved further down the deathtrap and my father attempted to urge me to come.

My brother nearly fell down the escalator.

 

Another time, we were visiting somewhere or the other. Niagra Falls or something, I believe. By this time, I had overcome my fear of escalators that traveled in an upward direction, but escalators that traveled in a downward direction still frightened me as much as they had before.

We had gone up to a viewing platform on the second floor using an escalator. I was very proud of having boarded the death trap. But I was stuck on the second floor. I could not get down using the elevator.

The rest of my family had already gone to the lower floor, but once again, my legs refused to walk to the escalator. They were urging from the bottom for me to be brave, to face my fears.

A friendly stranger tried to help me down as well. He held my hand as we prepared to step onto the escalator, but once more, the stranger went down and I remained up… somehow.

My father had to come back up and find an elevator.

 

Once, after the first story, but before the second, I was forced to face yet another escalator. This was before I had gotten over my fear of escalators that travel in an upward direction.

We were in an airport and a horrifying escalator was looming before me, waiting to pounce.

A nice couple (who were also strangers) attempted to help me up the deadly staircase, but I predictably did not step foot onto the escalator and they went upstairs without me. We once again had to search for an elevator.

 

I have conquered my fear of escalators that go in an upward direction, but I have yet to completely vanquish escalators that go in a downward direction. I sometimes am able to go on them when I am in a particularly daring mood, which is not often.

If at all possible, I will take the stairs or an elevator.

Top Ten ______

I have decided to make a collection of Top Ten lists so you will know exactly what the ten best things in each category are. (All lists are based on my opinion only and are subject to change as I encounter or re-encounter things.)

Songs

1. Gold by Imagine Dragons
2. All Star by Smash Mouth
3. I’m Bleeding Out by Imagine Dragons
4. Shots by Imagine Dragons
5. Can’t Fight the Friction by Imagine Dragons
6. It’s Time by Imagine Dragons
7. Amsterdam by Imagine Dragons
8. Believer by Imagine Dragons
9. Who We Are by Imagine Dragons
10. Demons by Imagine Dragons

Books

1. Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard
2. The False Prince by Jennifer A. Nielsen
3. Keeper of the Lost Cities by Shannon Messenger (In this particular instance, I’m referring to the entire series, my favorite of which is Lodestar.)
4. Lawless by Jeffrey Salane
5. Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas (In this particular instance, I’m referring to the entire series, my favorite of which is Empire of Storms.)
6. The Glass Sentence by S. E. Grove
7. The Time Travelers by Linda Buckley-Archer
8. Fablehaven by Brandon Mull
9. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
10. The Unwanteds by Lisa McMann

Fruits

1. blackberries
2. strawberries
3. raspberries
4. blueberries
5. apricots
6. plums
7. cucumbers
8. oranges
9. pears
10. grapes

Vegetables

1. lettuce
2. sweet peas (which are legumes)
3. squash (which is a fruit)
4. zucchini (which is a fruit)
5. mushrooms (which are a fungus)
6. string beans (fruit)
7. carrot
8. potato (which I hate spelling)
9. cheese (which I don’t like and is a dairy product)
10. spinach

Pizza Toppings

1. mushrooms
2. spinach
3. mushrooms
4. spinach
5. mushrooms
6. spinach
7. mushrooms
8. spinach
9. mushrooms
10. spinach

Foods

1. dark chocolate
2. oatmeal cookies (no raisins)
3. ice cream (triple chocolate or mint chocolate chip)
4. alfredo sauce
5. pie! (except cream)
6. cheesecake (also known as cheese pie, which sounds gross. I only accept vanilla)
7. fudge
8. brownies
9. sweet peas
10. pancakes

I think six lists is enough to sate you for now. I might add more later. Or not. Who knows? *Shrugs* Do you guys have anything, in particular, you want me to make a list about?

Gardening

I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions, but I’m literate and I’ve got a keyboard, so I can write about gardening!

When I said, “I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions,” you probably didn’t wonder why I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions, but I will answer the question you didn’t wonder about anyway after the colon:

I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions because I am the worst gardener I know (then again, I don’t know that many gardeners. I don’t even know that many people to begin with…). I have had many pet plants (which I mentioned in my previous post, My Pet Cactus) and all of them (other than my cactus) have suffered the same morose fate: death (in which I had a hand).

My first pet plants (that I can remember, at least) were some tomato plants that I got for my fifth-grade science fair project (“for” meaning I used the tomato plant in the science fair project. I did not get a tomato plant as a present for my science fair project. That would be idiotic, as science fair projects are inanimate objects and can thus not feel emotions, including the happiness that makes giving gifts worthwhile for some). I forgot to water these tomato plants and they shriveled up and died from neglect.

My next plants were some Morning Glories that I kept in a little terra cotta pot and grew from a seed (I grew the tomatoes from a seed as well). But once they sprouted, I kept pulling off the leaves and they eventually died. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to pull off the leaves because I wanted my Morning Glories to flourish more than anything else, and pulling off the leaves seems very counterproductive.

After that, I made a lovely fairy garden with pretty light green plants. I watered it too much and it rotted from the inside out.

Mustache

I grew a mustache yesterday.

It is fun to stroke, and I think Arachnid thinks it’s pretty fancy. Or thinks I may be a man. Either one has its perks. When I look in the mirror, I fashionably twirl up my under nose hairs, like the Pringles man. He is one of my role models, with that amazing facial hair of his, twirling with no end.

The funny thing is that I have never grown such hair before, and am already a pro. Perhaps I ate too many Pringles, or am turning into a giant tarantula.

Am I the next Spooderman?

Taking care of a mustache is almost as easy as taking care of a cactus without the poky things. It is just a patch of hair, gray and messy just like the hairs on my head. Plus I don’t have to do my makeup since everyone thinks I’m a boy now.

Yesterday, I went inside the bathroom and a lady with a pink shirt and a mini human screamed. I looked inside the mini human’s lumpy underwear, checking if she had any problems. The pink lady gazed on in horror, until eventually taking her mini human away. She thought I was a man. Surely, no one would scream for a mishap in manners, right? Also, I put a pun in the last sentence. I was bathing my mustache.

Today, I am going to set my mustache free! So for the remembrance of my manly and beautiful mustache, I am making this blog post.

So I release it from its terra cotta pot and watch as it flies far away. I hope it reaches a proper owner.

Soon, I hear Arachnid yelling curses next door.

It seems as if my attachment to Arachnid has been passed on to my facial hair in a rather literal way.

 

 

 

 

Little Things I Enjoy

Here is a list. A certain someone gave me this idea.

Introducing: Little Things I Enjoy!

• Giving myself pep talks in the bathroom.
• Laughing at my own jokes.
• Putting wet socks on my forehead.
  • This the best thing ever! You guys should try it!
• Playing with the webs on my cheeks
• Twisting my hair
• Eating my hair, seemingly unknowingly
• Dramatically taking off my clothes
• Eating bananas from the other end
  • This is how monkeys eat bananas
• Making mini ubiquitous white birds with the art of origami
  • It’s my therapy
• tapping random things
• spinning random things (that can be spun)
• swallowing sticks of butter
  • They taste salty sometimes
• Staging fictional conversations with POI’s
  • I know other people do this too
• Acting like Arachnid
  • It’s really fun, glaring at people and collecting odd objects
• Looking at the dates on pennies to see if its recent
• Paying for food with Canadian Money
• Fantasizing about biting other people’s nails
  • Especially those people who have those super duper long nails in the World Records
• Scratching myself
• Pondering why I don’t consider Arachnid to be a POI
• Staring at things and imagining black holes to be there
• Doing office chair yoga poses
  • It’s also part of my therapy
• Pondering why Arachnid put me into therapy in the first place
• snapping my fingers
• People with low, deep voices
• Doing funny faces in the mirror
• cutting potato chip bags to discover if the ratio to air and chip is just right
  • I didn’t take Algebra for nothing, now did I?
• Wearing clothes at the mall then leaving them all in the changing room as decoration
• The cliche old perverted man in anime
  • They are quite relatable
• Eating rice, soup and ice cream with chopsticks
• Key changes in songs
• para-bam para-bam para-bop para-bop para-bam
• Blue dyed hair
  • I’ve been thinking about it…
• Using Sour Punch Straws (a type of candy) to drink things
• Wondering why the world hasn’t ended yet
• Petting jealous people
  • If you read my post “Dogs” you’ll see why
• Watching the effortless motion of cashiers scanning items
• People touching me
  • I feel so special!

So I guess that is it for my list. Comment the little things you like below! There is really no good way to end this… so this is the end.