How to Speak TXT (TXT=Text)

Text Speak is the magical language naturally spoken by Cell Phones and Teenagers. For Teenagers, Text Speak, or txt Speak, is intuitive and as soon as one turns 13, they find themselves starting to use it more than Normal English.

This guide is not for them. This guide is for the Beginner newly introduced to txting (texting). Those who are either children or have reached the age where they’ve started to forget the intricacies of texting.


Once you have become fluent in Text Speak, you should start speaking it in real life, too. Do not limit this language to the Cell Phone. People around you will definitely appreciate you more, instead of laughing at the joke they spent months preparing, you say L-O-L. [Note: Always say each individual letter. Never say lol *shudders*]


Text Speak usually occurs in one of two forms: acronyms or devowelization.

An acronym is when instead of saying/typing an entire phrase, you use the first letters of each of the words in the phrase to make a new word.

For example, LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud.

Super efficient, isn’t it?


Devowelization is when you pull the vowels, which are completely unnecessary, out of a word. [Note: Ignore the fact that this makes the words impossible to pronounce.]

For example, TXT is “Text” without the “e”. [Note: Also ignore the fact that it take more syllables to say “T-X-T” than it does to say “text”]

Efficiency!


Let’s practice translating acronyms.

FHRIIBIARAFNSHA

***

Translation: Freddy’s hamster rolled in its ball into a river and Freddy never saw him again.

How did you do? Awesome, I’m sure. And wasn’t that so much more efficient? The number of letters was significantly reduced.


Now let’s practice translating devowelized phrases.

thts wht frddys mm tld hm nywy. n rl lf, frddys mthr ws ntnsly rttd wth th hmstr, wh ppd n hr brnd nw shs nd sh drnd t n th rvr

***

Translation: That’s what Freddy’s mom told him anyway. In real life, Freddy’s mother was intensely irritated with the hamster, who pooped in her brand new shoes and she drowned it in the river.

Simple, right?


Despite Text Speak becoming unnecessary with the eradication of flip phones, we should all continue to endorse it and use it continuously because it’s doesn’t use nearly as many letters as Normal English and is so much more efficient.


TH ND

 

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Miniature Book Reviews!

I’ve read a couple amazing books this time around. Some of them will be new favorites. But it seems like I’ve also been DNFing (DNF=did not finish) books left and right. I always feel a bit bad when I DNF a book because I’ll never know if it got better later on. It could’ve been a new favorite of mine. (Most likely not, but still.) But after reading the entirety of Matched and The Isle of the Lost (my two least favorite books) based on this notion, I’ve been better about DNFing a book when I know it won’t work.


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Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda || 5/5

The writing style was a bit choppy, but that was a character trait of Simon (as mentioned in the book). Other than that, this book was perfect. I absolutely LOVED the characters, especially Simon. I do wish the minor characters could be developed more, but again it was a character trait of Simon’s to mostly focus on himself.

The author was amazing at creating dramatic moments. This book is beautiful. Everyone, go read it right now.


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Let the Sky Fall || DNF

I picked this book up because the author, Shannon Messenger, wrote Keeper of the Lost Cities, one of my all-time favorite series. So I was expecting a lot from this one, but it didn’t really fit my tastes. First, it was a love story. Blech. I read about a third of this book.

The characters were incredibly annoying. The plot was pretty good, though. Vane was just plain irritating and Audra was overly aggressive and serious. I can just feel her glaring at everyone.

The romance was super weird. Vane and Audra both despise each other’s personalities, but are physically attracted to each other. Which is gross. It’s like, “I hate everything meaningful about you, but I’m gonna try and kiss you anyway because you’re randomly beautiful.” (It should be noted that I didn’t read the entire book and these are just my observations about the book so far.)

What I liked about the romance in Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda was that Simon and Blue fall in love with each other’s personalities without knowing what the other person looks like. Vane and Audra are in the complete opposite situation.

I might try this book again because Shannon Messenger. Have any of you read this book? Was it good?


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Pathfinder || DNF

This one just didn’t work.


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A List of Cages || 5/5

This book has all the feels! It messes with your emotions, peeps.

The major characters were amazing and I loved them, but the minor characters could definitely use some development. They all blended into one another. Adam has so many friends. They multiply like rabbits and the mash together like a paintball game. I could not tell which was which. Their blandness was an issue when a particular friend among the millions was referred to.

Sometimes (especially at one particular point), the characters made some illogical choices, which was somewhat annoying.

I think people who like John Green would like this book. Speaking of which. In John Green books (specifically Looking for Alaska and Paper Towns) and A List of Cages, the main characters are high school seniors and the way they refer to freshmen freaks me out. 1) Will I be like that when I’m a senior? 2) Do all old people think like that? 3) There must be something wrong with these people.


Currently Reading

a conjuring of light

This book is so good! This series has somehow managed to get even better.


TBR

  1. They Both Die at The End
  2. Seraphina
  3. The Rose Society
  4. Crooked Kingdom

Poison Walruses

TICK: Come on! Please?

TOCK: Only if you get on your knees and beg.

TICK gets on her knees and prepares to beg. TOCK crosses her arms.

TICK: Please, please, please, can we go pet the wal—

TICK collapses sideways as she falls asleep. TOCK rolls her eyes and drinks some hot chocolate while using the sleeping TICK as a stool.

 

~~~ three hours later ~~~

 

TICK: —ruses

TOCK (sighs): I suppose that was sufficient begging. Let’s go.

TICK squeals in delight

TICK and TOCK head to the snowy northern coast of Eureka. After three seconds of intense hiking, they find a walrus. They proceed to pet the walrus vigorously.

 

~~~ three hours later ~~~

 

TICK (scratching TOCK): Why are you so itchy?!

TOCK (scratching TICK): Why are you so itchy!?

TICK and TOCK: Quinn!!!

QUINN (exasperated): What?!

TICK and TOCK: Why are we so itchy!?!

QUINN: (Shrugs) It was probably the walrus. Did you check the walrus for poison ivy?

TICK and TOCK look at each other skeptically.

 

~~~~ END

Jackie Part 3

The Giant’s P.O.V.

Oh! I peered through the eye-spot, watching a girl with a certain interest, It’s her.

“Jackie.” The word played with my tongue. I decided I liked the name, much how I appreciate the light pink flowers and the blooming scents around me. Red hair was how I remembered her, a short flash of red down to her shoulders, followed by a white shirt and overalls that had a rough texture to them, as I scanned my way down. She was a bit taller than when I encountered her last, with bread crumbs freckling her already dotted cheeks. Bored, she was throwing the last of her bread crumbs into a fire, finished with her morning meal.

The eye spot seemed to open from the chimney, in a bird’s eye view, wonderfully convenient, for this was the first time it had opened upon the girl. Particularly, I’ve been interested in her for many years, after her incident. It was amazing how humans could still stand after such crisis and problems for being such a small race. I knew for sure it was her— after all, who else could have such a rosy red appearance?

In my stalking, I heard the odd sound of lost magic: a whimsical whimper of waterfalling energy. Blue rays of light drip dropped, from my fingertips into the cloudy floor which I rested on everyday. The magic flickered under the egg white of the clouds like underground lighting.

“Am I doing too much?” I asked, frightened, staring into the waves of angry flowers. I was being too selfish again, keeping my magic from their leaves. It was better to share with others.

Their scent overtook my senses, the thick vanilla coating my lips, branching out slowly as the vines flew out towards me. They hastily grew over my figure, restraining any further action. The once peaceful set of vines quickly buckled into me, harsh thorns piercing into my skin and bone. The sensation tickled, like tiny monsters. Pain whittled in all parts of my body.

Thump! I flopped over, power draining from my consciousness, clouds bouncing upward with my descent. With panic, I scoured my cloud, overgrown with stringy green vines, blushing blurbs of blooming and budding flowers, in a sprawling spiral pattern. All suctioning my power away, ready to get me.

“Sorry.” I let my magic flow out, tending to my garden.

The vines edged away, flowers fluttering back to their sprawling legged arrangement, colors vibrant against the blank puffy cloudscape. Everything was back to normal again as if nothing had ever happened. Except for the low whistles of the blue light aggressively pumping itself back into the flowers again. A warning. Grumpily, I took a patch of the overgrowth and pushed it in my mouth, slurping it down so the awful somewhat bittersweet taste couldn’t reach my tastebuds. Vines dangled, flowers fell at my distasteful chews, and I crossed my arms, my face swelling in anger.

-By watching the antics of humans I have seemed to adopt some traits.

Magic was what kept me alive, along with the plants in the jungle like meadow—but sometimes I took too much for myself. It had so much more capabilities than just simple nutrition, such as using the middle of a flower as a telescope to watch people go by.

“Please…” I put my hands together like a begging human , “Today is a day that people congregate around for the Storytelling of Jack, and I really want to see!” I let a part of my hair fall on my blue skinned complexion, sighing. The vines hadn’t even moved in response!

“Please?” My eyes bubbled up. They loosened—however slightly, in approval. That was a good answer for me!

Blue light coursed through my body, from the very ends of my frayed white hair to the pear shape of my hips, manifested in a pleasurable moan. My hands cascaded down the bump of my neck, energy satisfyingly quenching my dry throat after the short absence of magical waves. Glowing bright, my eyes transformed into a new, ambitious shade of blue.

Feeling a breeze of relief, I gently grabbed another flower, caressing its petals. It glowed with blue light, the light drawing blue lines upon them. My thumb brushed its yellow center, dashing it with a bit of magic. Slowly, the flower telescope opened up, this time from a flower’s perspective, low down on the beanstalk.

Her back faced me, letting me take in all the mystical bits of her springy red hair, small natural ringlets formed towards the bottom. As red as ever. For some reason the thought made me want to find out more. I love the color red, fiery, ambitious, frightful, fierce, passionate… the list goes on and on. Of course, I just had to be blue! I gazed down at my knees, dark blue in its pigment and my hair also a lighter, but equally blue shade.

From behind Jackie’s figure, I saw a tiny boy. Who was this? My interest rocketed to him, his stubborn nose and a mischievous smile, strings of brown emerging from his head. And what did he want from Jackie? He appeared to be holding her hand and was certainly out of breath, huffing and puffing.

Fortunately, Jackie seemed to be in her own world, nostrils widening, (We have all heard “eyes widening” before! Why not give it a change?) to smell the scent of vanilla, whirling in the air. She enjoyed my scent! Following her nose, she ended up staring into my eyes hypnotically, through the eyespot, ready to catch a fresh whiff.

I scrambled back, a flustered blush swaying on my cheeks. Magic, having its repercussions, blasted from my fingers to the flower I was using as a telescope. Boom! It exploded, yellow pollen and seeds blanketing my bosom, as chaotic vines grew up from there. In panic, I frantically tore out the crazy plants, trying to minimize the magic I recently reloaded myself with.

Magic does two things: it either reacts with magic quickly and easily, or reacts with normal items slowly and with hard spells. – a note taken from the Witch’s Handbook.

As I tore at the flowers, more and more grew in an endless cycle, the overwhelming scent that I used to love burning the insides of my nose. They continued growing, vines swiftly edging up my torso. If I didn’t do something quickly, the plants would encase me! I shuddered at that thought, gagging at the smell as a barricade of flowers bloomed above my chest.

“Stop!” I giggled, a single leaf tickling my belly button, “Stop it!” My giggles escalated to painful stomach hollers, “hWOoo… If you don’t stop?” I was getting drunk on the scent— that’s what I get, I guess, for making such a simple mistake. They climbed up further, into strands of my hair, and circling around my neck. Everything was turning foggy, pink blobs of flowers fluttering in my face like lethal butterflies, with delusions intoxicating my mind, painting it with ink.

“STOP!” A ragged yell pranced from the corners of my mouth.

BOOM! Magic roared from up above. BANG! BOOSH!

The flowers stopped growing, doused in an infinite amount of magic. Even the cloud seemed to be exhausted from my explosion. I was out of breath, holding onto everything I could manage to grasp, every part of my body pulsing with pain, my eyes hurting the most, now dulled of their once vibrant color.  Naughtily, I gave a tired smirk, thinking, It’s all okay! If I could just…

I blacked out.

Part 1

Part 2

-Spinette Spyder

Texting? What’s that?

LOL. BRB. ABC. TTYL. ETC.

Do you know what texting is? I’m going to operate under the assumption that you do know what it is because if you don’t, I’ll be forced to ask, “How oblivious can a person be?”

No one actually calls anymore. No, no, no. That’s so old-fashioned. It’s all about texting now. The blipipity-bloop-bloop buttons that are pressed to send sentences to other peeps. Like a faster version of email (email *scoffs*—so passé). Often, the buttons are quite small, resulting in numerous vexing typos.

But like good old snail-mail, one cannot convey emotions through simple text as well as one can through phone calls or *gasp* face-to-face interaction. Thus, the creation of the emoji.

This weekend, Spinette and I were sitting on a couch. We were less than six inches apart and yet we were texting instead of speaking. And the reasoning we used to validate this behavior was the lack of emoji in real life.

I mean, it’s not like you can use your face to display emotion. No, no, no. It’s all about that emoji.

Also, it should be noted that we were at an emoji-themed birthday party.

Keyword = emoji-themed.

Phones, phones, phones.

A Brief Example…

You are eating lunch with Friend A, B, and C. But you are currently texting Friend D, who is not there. You are texting Friend D because Friend A and B are group-chatting with Friend E and Friend C is staring off into space and slightly drooling and you don’t want to deal with that drool. Since no one at your lunch table is talking to you, you begin to text Friend D to entertain yourself and complain about Friend C’s drool.

Later, you are eating dinner with Friend D, but you are texting Friend C to talk about how awesome the restaurant is. Friend D gets bored of you not paying attention to him and goes off to another table to talk to an ex-boyfriend who has just walked into the restaurant.

The Solution…

If only you were to strike up a conversation. Then Friend A and B would stop texting Friend E because, honestly, you’re far more interesting than her. Friend C (whose phone was taken away because she refused to do the dishes) is intrigued by your conversation and joins in, ceasing to drool. Now, the drool problem is solved and you, Friend A, B, and C will all get your daily dose of Real Life Human Interaction.

And later, you can hold a proper conversation with Friend D so he doesn’t wander away and get caught up in the mess that is Ex-Boyfriend.

TADA

I am brilliant.

Liebster Award Part 2

Heyo nonexistent peeps!

I have been nominated for the Liebster Award again, so infinite thanks to Mavis Dee and Navigating Worlds.

I’m going to set this post up like a Q&A because I wasn’t planning on doing two posts for the same award, but their questions were irresistible.


Questions from Mavis Dee

  1.  What is your go-to takeaway order?
    • Muffins!
  2. If you could be any living creature, what would you be and why?
    • I’ve thought about this a lot for unrelated reasons. But I really can’t decide.
      • Crow cuz they can fly and they’re super awesome (and also Six of Crows).
      • Narwhal because they are the sea-version of unicorns.
      • A tree (specifically cedar tree) because they are saving the world.
      • Immortal Jellyfish because they’re super awesome and also immortal and I wouldn’t have to worry about confronting my own mortality anymore.
      • Kiwi Bird cuz I love kiwi birds.
  3. You have one wish. You’re not allowed to wish for anything for anyone else or for anything altruistic. What do you wish for?
    • I’d wish for either an abolishment of homework or an unlimited gift card for Barnes & Nobles.
  4. What is the greatest ever song?
  5. If you could banish one person from this planet, who would it be?
    • A lot of people definitely annoy me a lot, but I don’t think I’d be able to banish anyone. Hmm… Okay, I can think of one person.
  6. If you could travel in time to any point in history, when and where would you go?
    • I’d want to be there for the moon landing.
  7. If you could have any profession, what would you be?
    • An author or a comedian [joke]. Or a musician. But trust me, I cannot sing.
  8. Where would you like to live if you could live anywhere at all?
    • Michigan. Or New Zealand (cuz kiwi birds).
  9. If you were stranded on a desert island, who would you most like to find you?
    • Finally, an easy one. Spinette Spyder.
  10. If you were a fictional character, who would you be?
    • I would be the adorable best friend who is also the comedic relief. Otherwise known as Keefe Sencen.
  11. What’s your best feature of all?
    • I think this means physical feature, so I’m going to go with my eyeballs.

Questions from Navigating Worlds

  1. You need a team of 3 people to help you overthrow an emperor. Which fictional characters would you recruit and why?
    • Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows: The Planner
    • Celaena Sardothien from Throne of Glass: The Assassin
    • Keefe Sencen from Keeper of the Lost Cities: The Best Friend
  2. What is the most surprising twist you have come across in a novel?
    • The most surprising twist I’ve ever read was in We Were Liars by E. Lockhart. I didn’t see it coming at all and it was absolutely amazing. A close second is in Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard. Obviously, I’m not going to tell you what happened in the twists.
  3. You are hunting for a house to buy with your family. The only places available are Northern Westeros (north of the wall), Mordor, and Arrakis. At which location will you purchase a home?
    • Uhhh… I’ve never heard of any of these places. Pass?
  4. If you had to attend a fictional school of magic, which one would you select?
    • I think this question is set up so everyone will answer with Hogwarts. Hogwarts. Hogwarts is the fictional school of magic.
  5. You are the likable, but slightly useless, best friend to the main character. What one skill keeps you out of trouble?
    • My impeccable sense of humor. The Main Characters of the world tend to be unfailingly serious and my ability to lighten any situation makes me a necessary addition to their team to secure their sanities. That’s why the Main Character will sacrifice anything to get me out of any pickles I find myself in.
  6. If you had to read every single book by one author, which author would you pick?
    • Leigh Bardugo
  7. Which is the best country in the world?
    • I’m going to say the USA, but I’m probably biased. 😉
  8. You are on an epic quest to save the world. You can take either a phoenix, a dragon, or an old bearded man. Which do you choose?
    • Phoenixes are my favorite birds, but I’m going to have to go with the old bearded man, despite his inability to fly. Cuz beards. (Also, he’ll probably spout useful information when I’m in various pickles.)
  9. Wine or beer?
    • Hot chocolate!
  10. You have struck it lucky and book blogging is your full-time pursuit but you need a co-author for your blog. Who do you choose and why?
    • Spinette Spyder because she’s already my co-author and I really don’t want to go through the process of finding a new one.

Mellow Yellow Episode 24: Author’s Note!

THE WEBWEAVERS are in the office of Arachnid’s Arctic Paradise deciding on what to do next for Mellow Yellow.

ARACHNID: I don’t know what to do next for Mellow Yellow… Ever since that Peeps talked, I couldn’t find any ideas!

SPINETTE: We can do a documentary on eating Yo-Yos featuring the two silent mimes!

ARACHNID: (Rubbing her hands like an evil genius) No. We need something original, something fresh, some—

SPINETTE: (hammers table with fist) Something to give Rue a purpose!

ARACHNID: Not that, Spinette!

SPINETTE (dejected): Owwwieee…

ARACHNID (ignores SPINETTE): Maybe we can bring Attendant back!

SPINETTE: I’m bored! I’m going to go look at memes, I mean… edit Outside In now.

ARACHNID: NO, YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! (pulls on SPINETTE’s shirt)

ARACHNID and SPINETTE sit there for a very long time.

SPINETTE: What if we used memes?

ARACHNID: Great idea!

 

~~~~END

A Gathering of Shadows|Review

This book was absolutely awesome. It’s definitely MUCH better than the first book, which I was kind of just “meh” about.

The writing flowed really well and the world building was great. This book is definitely character-driven rather than plot-driven. (Which is good for me because I like character-driven books better.) The characters are spectacular. I love them all.

There wasn’t much of a plot (in the traditional plot diagram way of things). Things kind of just kept happening and the book seemed more like a bridge between the first and the third book than an addition to the overall storyline. The whole premise of the book is kinda random. It doesn’t really flow from the first book. The events from the first book don’t even seem that essential in this book. It’s not really a continuation of the first book. It’s more like another adventure concerning the same characters. The book was definitely not slow-to-start, things were always happening, but there was no clear antagonist or major conflict for the majority of the book.

Lila is really trigger happy and I can’t begin to understand her. She’s really spontaneous. My issue with her was that when she went on her killing sprees, she rarely showed remorse, which didn’t make her seem real. She was extremely unrelatable for me. I still love her, though. But maybe that unrelatable-ness makes her enviable. Either way, she’s awesome.

ALUCARD IS THE BEST.

I feel really bad for all these characters.


SPOILERS AHEAD… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

I love Holland. Especially the idea of an antagonist that isn’t really bad just ‘cuz. Holland’s a good guy who is forced to make some hard choices. This goes along with the idea that everyone thinks they’re the good guy.

END SPOILERS


 

Rating: 5/5

Apologies for the choppy post, guys. I’m still trying to figure out how to go about writing book reviews. This time, I took notes while reading the book and then put those notes into paragraph form. Obviously, that didn’t work. It was choppy and lacked my usual charm. Also, the whole thing seems rather negative even though I LOVED this book and I gave it 5/5. That’s probably because I only paused my reading to write about the parts I didn’t like because when I liked parts, I was engrossed.

I also should probably write reviews right after I read the book. I finished this book a week ago, so I wasn’t able to properly expand on the ideas I wrote down.

Either way, it’s a work in progress.

Jackie Part 2

Part 1


Jackie’s POV ~~~ 4 years later

I took a crumb of bread, threw it in the fire and watched it burn. Between bites, I saw the fire dance, tendrils of the flames swirling around the scraps of wood. The smoke breathed into my bones like a dragon, and my spirits raised up a bit higher like a knight’s war call.

I like watching the fire. My mother said I got that habit from my father, and he said I got it from her. My puzzling parents, as always.

I wish it was always now.

Two candles, in a shelf by the door, one extinguished and the other desperately holding onto its light represented them. The remaining flame climbed up the wick, and fell again, raising itself back up in a continuous cycle. My father’s flame, it was, still alive after the eight years he hasn’t came back, maybe more so than ever.

Suddenly, the fire puckered up, licking the corners of the paper behind. Cautiously, I fanned the paper out, but not before the last thing I wrote on it scorched, painted a dung colored brown. September 31,—- the year was gone.

Flustered, I crumpled up the paper, snowballing it into the fire. The white tumbled into the raging orange, as the red consumed both the colors.”Phoo!” I blew out my father’s last flame. “Bye bye, mother and father .” Memories flashed by, and as always, came back to stab me in the chest, the knife cold and hard.

I slammed the door, scrambling into the grass, blades brushing against my bare ankles.

Today, the grass was a bit pointed, frozen by last night’s frost. The ground was sparsely covered at this season, but nonetheless, this was the day that Jack fought the beast a hundred or so years ago. I was just waiting for the bells to ring, when the townspeople would gather around the beanstalk, fruitful with flowers and life.

“Heyo!” Christian greeted me, grinning widely. His limp brown noodle-like hair was in a ponytail, and he was wearing a tan scumbag shirt. A bandage was taped on his cheek, newly acquired. “What’s up? Such a normal day, isn’t it?” He was trying his best to be a charmer.

“Today is the hundred and eighth anniversary of Jack slaying the giant! Did you forget?” I pulled his ear.

“It’s today?” He seemed startled, scratching his head stupidly.

“It is, you dunce!” I let him go, and he hopped like a bunny, freed from my grasp.

He hollered, “Oh boy! I can’t wait! Let’s go, Jackie!” He held my hand, racing toward the middle of the city. He ran, almost tripping me off my feet. Tendrils of his hair flew in my eyes, as I blinked rapidly, in a bewildered flurry of hair and quick wind. Soon, we were at the Beanstalk. I could see why he was, in fact, the Running Champion of the Hallows.

“Come one, come all!” The village minister welcomed the swarms of people with open arms, his blubbery form, jolly, unfitting with his outfit of dark black, “Today, we preach the powers of Jack sent by God, hundreds and hundreds of years ago!” The good-hearted man was yelling his blessings, sitting on the circular structure of smooth stone, surrounding the green plant, sprouting into the clouds.

From my place below, I saw vines swirling around the stalk, light pink flowers blooming, and as my eyes eventually climbed up to where it seared the hefty layer of puffy clouds. The scent of vanilla coated the air, my most recent favorite smell of candles. Wanting to smell more of the delicious scent, I followed my nose, landing on a precious pink flower, on the lower vines of the Beanstalk. As I went down to smell it, the petals collapsed on each other, closing its doors to its sweet center. I turned my head, as another heavy waft of vanilla flooded my senses. The flower opened back up again! Rushingly, I bounded for it again, unceremoniously greeted by an explosion of mustard pollen dust. With my face caked in yellow, I dumbly looked onto my friends in front of me. What an embarrassment!

The group of raunchy boys laughed at me, including Christian.

“Look at Jackie, smelling the flowers! Such a girly-girl, isn’t she?” Tom, the big, strong one of the group teased.

“At least I’m not as dumb as you!” I annoyingly played with his hair, “Shut up!”

“Shut up?” He was outraged, “How about you shut up!” Tom punched me the stomach, sending me flying with the blow, “You weak little girl!”

I got up to my bearings, cracking my neck, ready for a fight. This guy was not messing with me again! Gritting my teeth, I kicked his shins, confusing him. He stole a single glance at his ankles, when I delivered a solid punch to his face. He ricocheted into the rock hard stone, grunting like a caveman as he got up to his feet. Tom stared me down, his expression like a bull chasing red. From the corner of my eye, I saw bloody teeth scattered behind his large body.

“Guys! Break it up!” Christian yelled, pushing Tom away from me. His heels screeched against the dirt, dust emitting from them.

“Yeah, Tom!” Kev was on his side, cheering him on, like a little rodent. He pumped his skinny arm into the air, screaming an almost incompressible war cry, “Kill her!”

“Stop it!” Christian stopped pushing Tom. He gave us both a sly smirk, “Do you guys really want to be fighting in front of the minister?” The minister, noticing Christian’s cue, frowned at us. It was the first time I’d ever saw a negative emotion on him, and like his cloak, it certainly didn’t fit him well.

“Or…” he added, “The minister’s daughter? You know her, Kev. It looks like you’ll be her man quite soon.” For good measure, he added a high whistle.

“Really?” Kev questioned. He didn’t quite get Christian’s plan to stop our fight.

Instantly, Tom straightened, a fragile blush forming on his cheeks. I sat down, fixing my hair and brushing the yellow pigment off my face. They aren’t anything but embarrassments! I thought to myself, I couldn’t believe what Maria would do if she saw me like that! I’m so stupid! I tossed the last of the dust off my clothes, scooting to the front. All the townspeople will be here soon, so I needed to get a good, frontward seat for the storytelling. Even if I heard the story a million times, the story of the boy who killed the giant, I never got tired of it.

“You’re so funny!” Maria tapped my nose, giggling. Neatly, she folded her legs, crisscross-applesauce, hands on her knees along with a playful smile splayed on her face. Her black hair curled carefully around her chest, covering one half of her schoolgirl tie. Her glasses were large saucers, and developed bifocals from when I saw her last. “I saw the little duel you had there. And the explosion with flower dust!” A mischievous daft shone from her voice, “You like flowers, don’t you?”

“Y-y-y—yeah.” I stuttered. Staying calm in front of a rich person wasn’t easy, especially when you eat candies from the bottoms of shoes. “I do.”

“What’s wron—” Maria was interrupted by the tolling of bells, always playing the tone they do at midnight. This morning, it marked not only the noon hour, but a special ceremony as well: The 108th Storytelling of Jack, the hero of our village.


©SPINETTE SPYDER

Mellow Yellow Episode 23: Science

KYR, CYRA, TICK, and TOCK have made a Science Squad together in the expanses of ZHAN’s old workshop.

CYRA: Kyr, do you want to know how to make a potato light something up?

KYR nods.

CYRA: Okay! (throws a potato at the light switch)

ALL: Welcome to the Downside Up Science Squad!

TOCK: Today we will teach you how to science!

TICK: First, you ask a question. Kyr will demonstrate.

KYR (writing): What do Peeps do in a microwave? Because human flesh is a lot like Peeps’ marshmallowness, this experiment will prove useful.

TOCK: Then you construct a hypothesis! Make sure it’s biased and totally not backed by background research!

CYRA (overflowing with confidence): I believe that this peep will lay an egg since the bird species likes to reproduce in warm climates. As they say, the early bird catches the warm!

TOCK: Egg-xactly!

KYR plays laugh track.

CYRA: Now you can continue with an experiment!

TOCK puts a Peeps in the microwave and warms it up for a couple minutes.

Everyone except TICK watches the Peeps, waiting to see if it will lay an egg.

TICK: Tock! I need your help, Mommy!

TOCK (still watching the microwave): I’ll be right there!

TICK: No really, Tock! I need your― (screams)

TOCK (Concerned): Tick? (rushes over)

TICK: Ahhhh! That feels better!

TOCK: What happened?

TICK: I laid an egg! Isn’t it wonderful! I feel like a mother egret!

TOCK: Hooray!

KYR comes over to see.

The three stare at the egg intently.

CYRA rubs her hands evilly behind them, leaving the workshop.

The egg starts to crack.

TICK: It’s my offspring! I can’t wait!

TOCK: (puts a hand on TICK’s shoulder) We are parents now, Daddy!

TICK: I’m the mother this time!

TOCK: oh yeah.

The egg hatches, LUR rolling out.

TICK: AHHHHHHhhh! IT’S AN EMU! THIS IS NOT MY CHILD! TAKE HIM AWAY!

JOHN: (bursting from the wall) Never fear, John is here!

Bubble sounds come from the microwave.

Everyone looks at the microwave.

SQUAWK! The Peeps explodes everything.

 

~~~END

 

CYRA: WHY IS EVERYONE STILL ALIVE?!

PEEPS (in a deep voice):  I don’t know.  

CYRA: GAAH!

 

~~~END A SECOND TIME

A Stream of Random Thoughts | Jest

Today’s random word is JEST!

YAAAY.

I command you to clap.

Jest is lonely and sad. They could use some applause.

*A cricket chirps in the distance*

The first thoughts that come to mind for this lovely flowchart that is a paragraph in this head/post, what the blobfish do I mean? Obviously, I am tired and this post will make no sense. Also, I’m not allowed to edit, so all the nonexistent readers will think I’m losing it.

Losing what, you may ask? mY MinD, I answer.

akdjfjkdgkdkfd

It’s been crazy.

I’m getting distracted. Okay. Jest. Flowchart. Super happy fun times.

*Blows out a breath*

K.

Words that come to mind from “Jest” include jester and something else, but I’ve forgotten. Give me a minute.

Uhhhhh…

Oh! I remember! It was vest! Get it? Cuz “vest” rhymes with “jest”.

Hahahahahaha

I’m so funny. RHYMES.

I like puns. I like puns a lot. They’re so punny.

I’m not particularly good at puns. I just like other people’s puns. I’m getting off track. Oh well, wasn’t that the point of this whole series? To see how far my mind will stray and to gauge how crazy I truly am.

*Sighs*

It’s been crazy.

I’ve read some lovely books. They were lovely.

SLEEEEEEEP

I WANT TO SLEEEEEP

SLEEEEP WOULD BE NICE

LIKE RICE

SLEEPITY SLEEEP SLEEEEP SLEEEEEP

IT RHYMES WITH SHEEEEEEEP

SHEEEP!!!

SHEEP!

I COUNT TURTLES AND YOU COUNT SHEEEP

I COUNT TURTLES

IN FANCY HATS

WEARING GIANT BOW TIES

OH, HOW THEY JEST,

THOSE JESTER TURTLES PERFORMING FOR THE TURTLE KING

THE TURTLE KING IS A TYRANT

HE ENSLAVES ALL THOSE POOR TURTLE SOULS

I AM THE TURTLE KING

I FORCE THEM TO WALK BEFORE ME

WHILE I FALL ASLEEP

IN FANCY SUITS AND TIES

I am tired. Good night.

Book Reviews for Days!

I’m going to eventually run out of titles for these book review posts.

I haven’t been reading as many books lately as I want to. I think I’m facing the dreaded reading slump. But it’s all curable. Hopefully. I’m going to read Six of Crows to fix it.


the young elites.jpg

The Young Elites   3/5

The story was lovely, but I didn’t like the writing style. I didn’t really connect with the character or care about them. The relationships between them were also weird. None of the minor characters were developed, either. The story was just kind of average. It was okay. I am planning to continue the series.


 wonder woman warbringer.jpg

Wonder Woman: Warbringer   4/5

This book was okay. I like the characters a lot and the story was good, but I wasn’t really invested in it. The book didn’t call to me and it took me nearly two weeks to finish it. People who aren’t fans of superheroes (like me) will be fine reading it. It made sense and the worldbuilding was good.


of mice and men.jpg

Of Mice and Men   3/5

It was okay. I don’t really have much to say about it.


looking for alaska.jpg

Looking for Alaska   4/5

The characters were the most unrelatable high schoolers I’ve ever read. They were sixteen, but they seemed a ton older. The story was interesting enough, but there wasn’t much of a plot and the ending was unsatisfactory. Things just kept happening instead of there being your usual antagonist and such. The metaphors were awesome and this book was a ton better than An Abundance of Katherines or Paper Towns.


warcross.jpg

Warcross   5/5

The story was great. I love the idea of Warcross. I need the game right now. The ending of the book leaves the reader needing the second book to come out right away (I’m speaking from experience) and it also asks some deep questions.

Emika was randomly talented and the romance felt weird for some reason I can’t put my finger on, but I can live with that. The minor characters weren’t really developed, either. I’d like to see more of them.

The plot of this book was amazing, but the characters could use some more work.


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A Gathering of Shadows   6/5

I’ll have a full-sized review on this out soon. Everyone needs to read this series.


Currently Reading

six of crows.jpg

I’m in between books right now, but I’m going to reread Six of Crows to remedy my reading slump and it’s going to be brilliant.


My TBR

  1. Six of Crows
  2. Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda
  3. Let the Sky Fall
  4. Pathfinder
  5. A List of Cages
  6. Seraphina
  7. The Rose Society
  8. Batman: Nightwalker

The Awesome Blogger Award

Hey, nonexistent peeps! We were nominated for The Awesome Blogger Award by the amazing Jina S. Bazzar. Seriously, go check her out. Her posts are awesome.

1) Why did you start blogging?

I started my first blog, https://unicornia2016.wordpress.com/, because I was told to. It’s a guide to traveling to and living in Unicornia, but it’s dormant now.

Spinette started her first blog, https://unicornsightingsblog.wordpress.com/, for the same reason. (She’s the scribe for Ned the Narwhal, though, who doesn’t have fingers.)

My second blog was a book blog which has thankfully been removed from the internet. I started that one because I hated this one book so much and I just had to scream about it somewhere.

Both of these blogs only lasted a few weeks.

I have no idea why we started TheWebWeavers. It kind of just happened.

2) Do you choose the contents of your blog by random or do you have a system?

Obviously randomly. It’s kind of just whatever we want to talk about. (With the exception of Mellow Yellow every Sunday.)

3) Do you rather type the contents of your post on a keyboard – all ten fingers – or on a screen with thumbs?

I like my keyboard a lot. I can’t type as quickly on a tablet or phone and if I type slowly, I usually lose my train of thought, which would result in either a boring or choppy post that skips around. Imagine jokes where I’ve forgotten to add the punchline.

4) If technology was to become extinct but there was one thing that you could keep, what would it be?

I know I just said that I love my keyboard, but I’d probably keep my tablet because my laptop is pretty old and I can feel the last dregs of its life disappearing so I wouldn’t want to save its life from the doom that is the inevitable apocalypse for it to only break the next day.

5) Is there a type of blog that you seek to follow, or do you only follow those who follow you – or do you only follow the blogs that you really enjoy?

I only follow the blogs that I really enjoy because I try to read every post from the blogs that I do follow, and so I don’t follow all that many since the day only has a finite amount of time. I do try my best to read a couple posts from everyone that follows or likes on TheWebWeavers, though.

6) During a cold storm, would you rather spend your time reading, watching a movie or talking on the phone?

Reading, obviously. I spend all my free time reading anyway.

7) When you hear the word fantasy, what comes first to your mind?

Snowflakes and ash. Purple snowflakes and blue ash, to be more precise. No idea why. My minds a weird place.

8) Have you ever lied about having a commitment so you could stay at home lazing around or blogging, or just to finish reading a book you particularly enjoyed?

I will confess, I have claimed to have more homework than I actually do to get out of things. Not often.

I’m a rebel.

9) What’s a word you can’t stop using on your posts but think you should?

Lovely. I use it too much, not just on my posts, but everywhere. It’s my go-to adjective, but it makes me sound like an old-fashioned, stereotypical British dude.

10) If you were asked to rename your blog, what would you name it?

The Arachnid&Spinette Show

Arachnid&Spinette

The Art of Web Weaving

Unitato (Unicorn + Potato = Unitato)


My Questions

  1. What’s your favorite book?
  2. Would you rather only wear fashion from the ’80s or medieval times?
  3. What’s your favorite flavor?
  4. Do you think that the plural of moose should be meese? (Goose -> Geese|Moose -> Meese)
  5. Watching grass grow or watching paint dry?
  6. Do you like kaleidoscopes?
  7. How many constellations can you identify?
  8. Is there light pollution where you live?
  9. What kind of bird do you really want to see?
  10. This question’s a freebie. Do whatever you want. Go crazy.

I’m tagging…

  1. Once Upon a Spine
  2. Plot Monster
  3. Smudged Thoughts

 

Mellow Yellow Episode 22: A Lovely Boat Ride

TICK and TOCK  are in a tree, watching LENA and JOHN go on a boat ride down a stream.

JOHN: California exists, Len! Can you believe it?

LENA: No.

JOHN: What do you mean?

LENA: No, I don’t believe in California.

JOHN: But it’s real!

LENA: No it’s not. It’s just a figment of some terrible songwriter’s imagination.

JOHN: But Tick said―

LENA: Since when has anything Tick said made any sense?

JOHN: Well, that one time, she said…

LENA: …

JOHN: …

LENA: …

JOHN: One time she said, “The night sky is nothing but a black bottle of milk with pinpricks of firefly juice.”

LENA: Exactly!

JOHN: Exactly what?

LENA: You’ve proven my point.

JOHN: No, I’ve proven my point.

LENA rolls her eyes, frustrated.

TOCK: Should we tell them?

TICK: I suppose…

TOCK: But “should” isn’t the same thing as “will”.

TICK: I love it when you finish my…

TOCK stares blankly at TICK.

TICK starts stripping leaves from the tree.

TOCK: What are you doing?

TICK: I’m making a song.

TOCK shrugs and starts watching LENA and JOHN with vulpine focus, who continue to argue incessantly over unimportant subjects.

TICK (singing in her strangely melodic voice): ♩ Row, row, row your boat/gently down the stream/when you hit the waterfall/then you’ll start to scream ♩

LENA and JOHN: AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

 

~~~~END

Jackie

I saw that Arachnid was putting her story A Dreamer in the Darkness up here, so I decided to put up my story Jackie here too. I hope you enjoy it!

Giant’s POV

-Have you ever seen a giant climb down a beanstalk? No? Well, this is what I did that night… so long ago.

Found one.

The little girl scuttled away, racing through the fields, her feet making these soft taps in the dirt. The dust billowed upon my face, as I stifled a cough, hoping desperately that she did not hear me in the still sound of the night. Choo! I sniffled. Not apprehending my presence, the adolescent ran off into the village, wearing a mask of urgency and with a slight crook in her thick eyebrows displaying swallowed, compressed fear.

I crawled through the forest of trees, my giant monstrous body causing them to rattle. Leaves crunched under my hands as I hastily tried to maneuver myself, every move a hideous crash. A few paces later, I perked up, surveying a villa. It was small, quaint, with wind slipping through the cracks of sleeping huts. Then I saw her. A blast of red, then the lock of the door. Click!

Circling around the suburb, I restlessly settled myself down near the home the adolescent sneakily slid into. I looked through a window, eager for the story I was about to unravel. The girl’s eyes were wide as she flinched at each minuscule squeak. I folded my fingers together, tight, as my eager thoughts flipped to dread, waiting for what was to come next for the poor girl.

She trudged down the hall, as my curiosity went along with her, my vision darting towards the next window, inside a kitchen. The teenager was haphazardly throwing damaged pieces of silverware, opening wooden cupboards and loudly calling for someone. Seamlessly, her tension softened into concern which, of course, quickly fastened into worry.

-Humans have crazy emotions.

Her ragged breath blew in and out, fixing itself with the rhythm that the house was bouncing along with the thumps of my heart. Ta-dum, ta-dum, tad-dum. It was the only constant thing among the chaos of her crashing, clashing and screams.

“Mother!” The call was adamant.

Nothing.

Immediately, like lighting, the girl’s boots clunked up the steps. With my curiosity on full blast, I grabbed the top of the house, pulling my face closer, almost so the very tip of my nose touched the window. This one uncovered a bedroom and an older woman sleeping peacefully. I hope her daughter doesn’t disrupt her calm tranquil dreams. I swiped a quiet , calculating finger across the window, feeling the texture of smooth glass. It was new to me—- I never had felt it before.

Then a red swish flew through the door. The girl, I thought, recalling when I saw the red haired teenager enter the hut. Her cheeks were red, her hair matted with sweat, as she climbed onto the bed. She whispered something, something I couldn’t hear from the outside, so without weighing the consequences, I pressed my ear against the wall. Warningly, the house wobbled, dirt and planks falling from the roof. The girl fell on her napping mother, somehow failing to wake her up, but didn’t even gaze in my direction. Thank goodness. My shoulders fell, as I blew a gust of air from my lips, fogging up the window.

The girl’s shrieking cry emanated from the room, an incredible, incoherent cry that shook me from my head to my toes. Tinglings of the shriek vibrated in my mind, as I wiped the fog off the window, slowly unclothing the scene, my eyes progressively dilating, my brows folded in disbelief. I gasped, my fingers fanning in front of my “o” of a mouth.

The mother’s chest was scarlet with blood, a knife glinting from the wound. The mother’s blanket was thrown to the floor, and with that a terrifying secret.

-Don’t ever ask me to describe “death” of those creatures.

I ran away. Up the Beanstalk, in the middle of the town. Giant goblets of water drooped along my long, narrow face, flicking themselves off my jaw, wetting my hair and chest. I clutched at my breasts, thankful that I still have mine. Remorsefully, I took one last look of the village. It was so beautiful, with eerie hidden horrors lurking inside, a world of stars never seen above the clouds. I was so sorry I had to leave so soon.

A early rising lumberjack yakked at my appearance. He withdrew his axe, quickening my departure.


Part 2


©SPINETTE SPYDER