When I was a child, like most children, I didn’t understand every single aspect of the world I was in. So, to solve this predicament, I created some theories about the world I was in that I was fully invested in.
What is the Universe?
Before I start answering this question, I would like to remind you, dear nonexistent reader, that I completely believed all of this.
So what is the universe? Why does it exist? Why does space exist? Why does anything exist? Why can’t it not exist? What is existence?
There is nothing but imagination. We are actually a world inside of a world. We are the figment of the imagination of some other being we cannot see or interact with.
We are inside a crayon-drawing on a sheet of lined notebook paper, and if one were to take a spaceship to the end of the universe, the spaceship would hit the edge of the paper and stop. It would not be able to go any further because the paper had ended.
Where do Clouds Come from?
The clouds are actually made by planes. Every morning, before I wake up, planes fly through the sky, creating the fluffy wonders we call clouds.
When pilots take the day off, we have cloudless days.
This is also how meteorologists know what the weather is going to be.
Meteorologist: “Hey Pilot, what’s the weather today?”
Pilot: “I made some storm clouds earlier. It should rain.”
Meteorologist: “Great. Thanks. I’ll call you back later. Want to go out for some coffee?”
Pilot: “Nah. I’m good. I don’t drink caffeine.”
Meteorologist: “What about cake? Brownies?”
Pilot: “I actually do drink coffee. I was just trying to politely refuse your offer because I don’t like you and would rather do anything else than spend more time with you than I have to.”
Meteorologist:
Pilot:
Meteorologist: So cookies?
Pilot: ——
Where does Fog Come From?
When the clouds are too heavy are for the sky, they descend to Earth as fog.
Duplication
You know how when your eyes unfocus you can see double? I thought that things would actually duplicate themselves for the longest time and once, I spent the entire day thinking that I had switched my feet around.
Driving
You know how when it’s dark and you squint at lights the lights kind of spread out? I thought that the light actually got brighter for the longest time. Whenever it was dark and we were driving, I would squint to make the lights brighter and help my father drive.
Characters on TV
We had this large, boxy TV, not a flatscreen, and I used to think that the television characters lived in the TV. Read more about this here.
Magical Car
Small people today have electric cars that can move by themselves when you press the gas pedal. When I was a kid, we had these plastic cars which were like bubbles on wheels with a hole in the floor. So you were to sit in the car and stick your feet through the hole and walk. So basically, it was just walking, but less efficiently because you had to lug a plastic car around you.
Well, this was the type of car the other kids had. My car was powered by magic and moved by itself.
But this “magic” was actually my parents pushing from behind.
What crazy stuff did you believe in as a kid?
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