More Book Reviews!

Papertowns   2/5

I thought this book kind of sucked. It was just not memorable. My point is proven by the fact that I cannot remember some of the things I wanted to talk about. But anyway, it was just sort of boring. The beginning was awesome, but not much happened in the middle. There was also a huge information dump and the end, the ending was inconclusive and unsatisfactory, and it was just blah. It also lacked the metaphors I’ve come to expect from John Green.

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The Apothecary   DNF

I didn’t like the writing style for this one. It seemed really hazy and filtered. Again, this one wasn’t memorable. And also, a bunch of unrealistic things kept happening to the main characters and they responded in unrealistic ways. This book is also blah. But who knows, maybe it would’ve gotten better later.

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An Abundance of Katherines   3.5/5

The plotline in this one was lovely and I adored the characters. It also lacked the Green-metaphors, but that may have been because of who the narrator was. I’m just not really into realistic fiction, so if you’re a fan of the genre, I highly recommend this one. There were some funny parts. Some weird parts.

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Everless   2/5

I thought the concept of this one was really cool (time is quite literally money). But I didn’t like the plotline. I think it could’ve gone a lot further, but it was pretty much your average “special girl goes to a palace and falls in love with the prince(ish sort of guy. He wasn’t technically a prince in this one).” It had lots of Red Queen vibes, but kind of like a lesser Red Queen. I thought the characters were unrealistic, especially their relationships.

(This cover is amazing, by the way.)

Minor spoilers ahead.

There’s one part where Jules is willing to sacrifice her life for someone she met three weeks ago. I think this is insane. Why would someone do that? Does she have no sense of self-preservation? Are real people actually that selfless?

Also, she’s in love with that perfect guy. Like, “I haven’t seen you since we were seven, but I have been madly in love with you for the past ten years.” She met this guy when she was seven. Seven-year-olds cannot fall in love.

End spoilers.

The timing was also really weirdly spaced. There was a part where it was like, “The days are dragging and blending into each other. I’m starting to get used to my position and make friends. I’m starting to forget my home. Etc.”

So after reading this part, I thought that months had passed. But nope! It’d been a week.

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My reading has been slow lately because of midterms, but they’re *thankfully* over now, so I should be reading more now. The books I’ve read recently have been generally bad, but I think that’s probably a good thing because when I’m reading a good book, I’m known to neglect my work. (Spinette chose to Six of Crows during midterms. I pity her midterms for the abandonment they suffered.)

I do have some awesome books I plan to read soon.

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Currently Reading

I’m currently reading The Young Elites by Marie Lu. The story is good so far, but I haven’t really connected with the characters yet.

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My TBR

1. Wonder Woman: Warbringer by Leigh Bardugo
2. Looking for Alaska by John Green
3. Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
4. Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becki Albertalli
5. A Gathering of Shadows by V.E. Schwab

What’s In My Purse?

I’m not one to flaunt around my femininity, but when I do, it’s with a purse. Some girls don’t like purses, but within my purse, I always have things that I need, such as earbuds for when the insides of my ears get cold, chapstick for glossing my always-dry lips, or spare change for a nice jingling sound at Christmas, only 11 and half months away.

So, what do I have in my purse?

• My phone
• My ID
• Three mechanical pencils
• Two Chapstick
• A random highlighter I stole from an office
• Spare change (eight dollars, six quarters, five dimes and two pennies)
• A single dream-catcher earring
• Two pens (one used to write in blue, but it is out of ink)
• A scrunchie that I never use
• Earbuds
• My “bookmark” (basically a hollowed bag of gummies folded hot dog style to serve as a page holder)
• A purple eraser
• And a paper for some dentist thing

Honestly, I don’t remember what the paper is for exactly. It’s for the smiles are everywhere program that helps people with no dental insurance. But I have dental insurance…

It was actually for getting the free mints they were serving with the papers.

Mellow Yellow Episode 17: A Conversation

TICK, TOCK, and QUINN are having a conversation in the Velvet Mines.

TICK: So, Quinn? How did you get your hair like that? (Touches his ropey-lopey hair.)

QUINN: Mary was REALLY bad at doing my hair.

TICK: How bad?

QUINN: REALLY BAD.

TOCK licks wall in anticipation.

QUINN: Ok, I’ll tell you… It all started a long long long long long time ago…

TICK licks TOCK in anticipation.

QUINN: When I was young, Mary used to always pay attention to her training and had no time to watch over me. I would do extremely dangerous things because she didn’t watch. That’s why I finished college so young!

TICK and TICK are snoring.

QUINN (grossed out): And then…

TICK and TOCK lick the wall.

QUINN: I got my normal hair stuck in a giant tub of caramel! The caramel was beaten out of a snowy egret that I tackled while Mary was making evil plans.

TICK: That’s weird!

QUINN: YOU GUYS ARE WEIRD!

TOCK: (Licks TICK) How are we weird?

QUINN: Why are you licking everything like it’s a popsicle?

TOCK: It’s a trick that we learned from Pippie Senpai. And it’s made of cake.

QUINN: Whatever! So back to my story, after my hair got stuck in the caramel it clumped together in ropey things. And that’s how my hair came to be!

TICK: Oh really? Are you sure that you didn’t just make that up to explain to us “uneducated individuals” that you were just born with natural hair?  (Pulls on his hair sharply.)

QUINN: NO!

TICK pulls a bit more.

QUINN: The story is completely real!

His hair pops off, revealing a downward-pointing arrow on his forehead.

TICK and TOCK: ARE YOU THE AVATAR? QUINN (embarrassed): No, no, this is just an arrow indicating of which way I should put on my wig. The caramel burnt it away. (Pauses, and then whispers) Don’t tell anyone, okay?

JOHN waltzes into the room.

JOHN: ZHAN’S DEAD!

QUINN: THE FIRE NATION HAS ATTACKED!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

TOCK (to TICK): I’ll protect you Asami!

 

~~~END

 

Six of Crows

After a good month of Arachnid stuffing this book in every sentence she spoke and down my throat, I’d decided to read it.

And I did. It was amazing.

The first comment I would like to make is that none of the parts in this book went by slowly. Everything was interesting, from every nook and cranny of the pages, nothing was boring and it kept me entertained! The characters were awesome, the setting was brilliantly described and the plot was difficult to predict. I think this was one of the only books that I did not get bored of at one point and I got bored of Harry Potter, so this is a very fun read.

Because I don’t like writing summaries here is one I got off the book:

Ketterdam: a bustling hub of international trade where anything can be had for the right price—and no one knows that better than criminal prodigy Kaz Brekker.

Kaz is offered a chance at a deadly heist that could make him rich beyond his wildest dreams. But he can’t pull it off alone…

A convict with a thirst for revenge. Matthias
A sharpshooter who can’t walk away from a wager. Jesper
A runaway with a privileged past. Wylan
A spy known as the Wraith. Inej
A Heartrender using her magic to survive the slums. Nina
A thief with a gift for unlikely escapes. Kaz?

Six dangerous outcasts. One impossible heist. Kaz’s crew is the only thing that might stand between the world and destruction—if they don’t kill each other first.

My favorite character is all of the six outcasts, Kaz, Inej, Nina, Jesper, Wylan and Matthias because they are so fun to see fight and become friends with each other, but have terrible backstories that give their moral greyness a deeper meaning. Also, the characters avoid the stereotypical Power Ranger stereotypes that teams from other books and movies usually fall into.

They have great times with each other but are still unpredictable due to past conflicts and layered backstories that really make them do something evil, like be able to kill everyone on the team, but still have a reason. Matthias actually plotted to kill someone on the team because she betrayed him in the past and was part of a race he disliked, but ends up doing something really unpredictable instead.

All the characters have awesome motivations too and revenge plans to seek out which makes their goals worth it. (start spoiler) I especially liked the scene with Inej climbing the incinerator because it seemed like an hot, boiling (ha ha puns) anime fight scene where the main character gives it his all and won’t give up due to sheer stubbornness even as the villain gets stronger and stronger. As the soles of her shoes are burning off, Inej still climbs up the incinerator unable to stop amidst the flames which shows off her super hero-like determination. (end spoiler)

(all of this is a spoiler)

Another part I enjoyed was when Nina, the Heartrender sacrifices herself to the drug like substance jurda parem to gain more magical power and save the team from a whole army of soldiers. During that chapter, my eyes were glued on to the pages wanting to know what would happen next. Would Nina be spared from the addictive affects of two doses? Or would she die after she killed the soldiers?

(end spoiler)

I have no way to end this review so…

Wylan x Jesper for life!

Let’s Save the World!

I was looking at the weather forecast recently, as I usually do. The high for this Friday is 49°F (9°C)! That’s sweater weather in the middle of January in Michigan!

It’s ridiculous!

I don’t know if the warm weather recently is a result of global warming, but because of it, I have been thinking about global warming more than usual lately.

Carbon dioxide is a major contributing factor to rising temperatures. (This website discusses the science-y stuff way better than I could, so check it out.)

I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but there’s this thing called a “tree”, and you know what it does? It takes carbon dioxide and converts it into oxygen for FREE.

So why don’t you guys plant a tree this spring? You’ll be saving the Earth! You’ll be a hero! Think about it. Doesn’t that sound appealing?

You could force everyone to call you (insert name here) the Hero.

And while you’re at it, you could plant some flowers to help the bees in your life.

Or you could recycle.

 

So, readers, please use the Contact page to send me a picture of you planting a tree or a garden and I’ll make a collage of all the pictures I get around April.

 

And please talk about climate change and planting trees on your blog or pester your real-life friends. I think together we could save the world!

A Stream of Thoughts|Beards

Hello nonexistent readers!

These posts where I just write down whatever I’m thinking turned out to be a lot of fun, so I’m turning it into a series!

Yay!

It will be called “A Stream of Thoughts”.

Today’s word is “beard”.

Do people wash their beards with shampoo? I mean, it’s hair. Or do they use soap because beard hair isn’t on the head?

Or do they have special beard soaps?

If so, why is it beard soap and not shampoo? But I said soap, so it could be shampoo. Or it could be something else entirely, like zingblitelle. But both soap and shampoo start with an “s”, therefore, it only makes sense that the beard-washing substance would also start with an “s”.

So it would be “singblitelle”.

What happens if one thought leads to two others? How would I organize that in a post? Could I make a flow chart?

How would I make a flow chart?

I’m straying off the topic of beards. But I don’t know all that much about beards. I don’t have one. “I don’t have one” made it sound like a beard is a pet. I suppose it could be. Pets are furry. Beards are furry. But what is the beard equivalent of a fish or a cactus?

Dumbledore has an impressive beard.

Do people brush their beards? Are there special beard brushes?

I met a man who braided his beard once. He was nice.

I know that there was a man long ago who died because of his beard. I’m not entirely sure if I accurately remember all of the facts, so I probably shouldn’t put my possibly incorrect information on the internet, but oh well.

So there was a man long ago who died because of his beard. His beard was really long and he’d keep it in a little pouch, but one day he didn’t put it in his pouch and then he was running for some reason or the other. I can’t remember why he was running, though. Was he running just for the fun of it or away from something? If I had to guess, I would say he was running away from something and that something might be a fire. Not sure though, so don’t quote me.

But anyway, he was running and he tripped on his beard and snapped his neck.

Beeeeeaaarrrrds.

Pirates have beards.

My old math teacher had a beard.

Dumbledore has a beard.

Let’s talk about Harry Potter now. So I read Harry Potter over the course of 2017. I was pretty late to the game, as most of my classmates had read Harry Potter in either third or fourth grade. So while I was in the process of reading it, for some reason, it seemed as though everyone was talking about nothing but Harry Potter. Specifically, who died. So before I finished Harry Potter, I had a list of everyone who died and who lost their ears.

Going back to pirates. I haven’t read many books about pirates.

Well, I’m going to end abruptly now. I haven’t been able to find a good way to end these posts yet. I mean, a stream of thoughts will continue on and on for hours.

 

P.S. I know the picture is a mustache and that a beard and a mustache are different things. But I just really like that picture. And you know what? It’s close enough.

Mellow Yellow Episode 16: Proposal

ZHAN and TICK are in the living room, watching a movie called Downside Up: The Horror of an Uninteresting House.

TICK snores.

ZHAN: Tick, wake up. This is the best part!

TICK: It’s so late… (blowing mucus bubbles)

ZHAN: But this is the perfect time. The stars are shining, and look, there is your favorite one now!

TOCK climbs on the ceiling in a silver suit.

TICK: I’m sleepy…

ZHAN winks at TOCK.

TOCK lights the TV on fire.

TICK: Oooh! Look at how realistic this is! You are right, Zhan, this is the best part!

The fire is spreading around while TOCK is eating some popcorn in the corner.

TICK: Special Effects! (Starts to fall asleep, almost collapsing in the fire)

ZHAN: I will save you! (Takes her in his arms and uses the conveniently placed rope to swing her out of the zone of the fire.)

TICK snores.

ZHAN (Using the also conveniently placed fire hydrant to put out the fire): It’s gone now, love.

TICK snores.

ZHAN: Tick? (cries) Are you alright? Tick?

TOCK provides dramatic lighting.

ZHAN: NOOooooo OoooOooooOoOO OoOoOooOoooOOooOooO OoOoooOOo oOooO O!

TICK: Your scream has awoken me, Zhan.

ZHAN: Tick! (Hugs TICK)

TICK hugs back even though she doesn’t know why she is hugging him.

ZHAN: After this frightening occurrence, I have seen how much you mean to me. (Secretly reading off lines written in his jeans pocket.) So will you do me the honor of marrying me? (Holds up a ring made out of Tick’s hair.)

TICK: Of course…

ZHAN: Really! (genuinely surprised) You will?

TICK: Not.

ZHAN: Oh yeah, there’s Tock, right?

TICK: Not.

 

*A while later*

 

TOCK (dragging TICK away as she goes to sleep again): You didn’t really mean that, did you?

TICK (sleep talking): You are a very nice star.

 

~~~END

 

Gardening

Dear nonexistent readers,

Due to the impending doom and sneaky approach of midterms, it seems as though the days have inexplicably shrunk.

Apologies to all who have been here long enough to have read this post before, but I will be reposting an old post.

 

Midterms are over and this is the last old post! We’ll have new content starting Monday (and Mellow Yellow on Sunday).

 

I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions, but I’m literate and I’ve got a keyboard, so I can write about gardening!

When I said, “I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions,” you probably didn’t wonder why I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions, but I will answer the question you didn’t wonder about anyway after the colon:

I am probably the least qualified person to answer your nonexistent gardening questions because I am the worst gardener I know (then again, I don’t know that many gardeners. I don’t even know that many people to begin with…). I have had many pet plants (which I mentioned in my previous post, My Pet Cactus) and all of them (other than my cactus) have suffered the same morose fate: death (in which I had a hand).

My first pet plants (that I can remember, at least) were some tomato plants that I got for my fifth-grade science fair project (“for” meaning I used the tomato plant in the science fair project. I did not get a tomato plant as a present for my science fair project. That would be idiotic, as science fair projects are inanimate objects and thus cannot feel emotions, including the happiness that makes giving gifts worthwhile for some). I forgot to water these tomato plants and they shriveled up and died from neglect.

My next plants were some Morning Glories that I kept in a little terra cotta pot and grew from a seed (I grew the tomatoes from a seed as well). But once they sprouted, I kept pulling off the leaves and they eventually died. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to pull off the leaves because I wanted my Morning Glories to flourish more than anything else, and pulling off the leaves seems very counterproductive.

After that, I made a lovely fairy garden with pretty light green plants. I watered it too much and it rotted from the inside out.

A Note

Hey nonexistent readers!

I come to you with good news! Midterms are (thankfully) over, so the posts should return to normal next week.

*Commence cheering*

Surviving a Social Gathering

Dear nonexistent readers,

Due to the impending doom and sneaky approach of midterms, it seems as though the days have inexplicably shrunk.

Apologies to all who have been here long enough to have read this post before, but I will be reposting an old post.

Social Gatherings are horrible events that make me want to tear out Spinette’s hair stressful. Every so often, Spinette will force me to attend a Social Gathering. I think that she does it to assure people that I am not yet dead.

On the rare occasion on which I absolutely must attend a Social Gathering, I do my best to retain my sanity. I normally try to weasel my way out of them, but Spinette has learned most of my tricks. Once, on the day of a particularly dreadful Social Gathering, I poisoned myself, but Spinette still dragged me to that horrible child’s birthday party.

So, for those of you nonexistent readers who do not completely adore Social Gatherings, I have created a surefire guide to surviving (and hopefully avoiding) Social Gatherings following the colon:

Step 1: The best way to survive a Social Gathering is to not attend it in the first place. Make any and all excuses you must, but get out of it at any cost! If you fail this step, continue to Step 2, but if you succeed, congratulations, because you are done.

Step 2: If you have failed Step 1, then you will sadly have to attend the Social Gathering, but fear not, as it is most likely that you may be able to survive the night if you follow my steps word-for-word. At most Social Gatherings, people will attempt to approach you. Avoid this if possible. I’ve found the best way to do this is to immediately go the snack table upon arriving at the Social Gathering. Take a glass of fruit punch or other liquid from said snack table and go sit in a shadowy location that is out of the way. Glare at anyone who gets within glaring distance and do your best to look generally unfriendly. It is good to wear black (or dark, dark, dark gray if black is unavailable) to Social Gatherings to better blend into the shadows.

Step 3: If one unlucky soul happens to bypass your shadow-esque clothing, glares, and generally unfriendly aura, he or she might attempt to communicate with you. Be prepared for this! You do not want to be rude, as being rude is rude, so you can’t blatantly tell your visitor that you hate his or her presence and to go away (no matter how much you may want to) because that is rude. Bite your tongue if you must! I’ve found the best way to drive off people who wish to communicate with you is to tune out of the conversation. If you do not add anything to the conversation, they will (hopefully) eventually run out of things to say and leave you alone like you wanted in the first place. Give a vague nod now or then to give the sense that you are participating in the conversation. Personally, I find the best way to spend the time that your visitor is speaking is to imagine elaborate ways to murder your visitor. It always brings a smile to my face. If your visitor (unfortunately) happens to be one of those people who can hold one-sided conversations for hours, then it is alright to drift away when you feel it is necessary. I can assure you that this is still polite as otherwise your visitor may have been murdered.

Step 4: Leave the Social Gathering as soon as it is acceptable! (Unfortunately for me, it is only “acceptable” for me to leave the Social Gathering when Spinette does, so we are often the last two left.)

If you have survived this far, congratulations for surviving an entire (or partial) Social Gathering and doing so without dying or causing death!

 

Check out Spinette’s take on Social Gatherings @ Savoring a Social Gathering!

A Challenge

Dear nonexistent readers,

Due to the impending doom and sneaky approach of midterms, it seems as though the days have inexplicably shrunk.

Apologies to all who have been here long enough to have read this post before, but I will be reposting an old post.

Authors are the ultimate problem-solvers. Think about it. They have solutions to everything, both possible and impossible, outside and inside of the imagination. How many narrow escapes have your favorite characters made? Daring last-minute rescues?

Every narrow escape and every daring last-minute rescue was planned and executed (with a pen) by the author.

They wrap up loose ends with a bow for their livings! There is no problem that an author cannot solve.

How many times have you stayed awake late into the night, biting your nails as you are sure that your slippery favorite character has finally met circumstances out of his or her unlimited capabilities? How sure were you that this was your slippery favorite character’s horrible demise? How many snotty tears of grief did you cry for your slippery favorite character’s inevitable end?

But how many times did your slippery favorite character reveal a complex plan to save them all that has been brewing since the first page? Or how many times did unexpected help arrive at the last moment?

The answer to this, dear nonexistent reader, is every single time because your favorite slippery character was slippery enough to slip through the cracks of the slippery pickle.

But you must remember, dear nonexistent reader, that an author not only solves the problem but creates the problem in the first place. Thus, the author can always create a solution because they, unlike the poor, slippery main character, can change the problem.

In an underground cell, deep under the ground with no possible means of escape, the author can provide the slippery main character with a bobby pin in his or her hair and the skills necessary to pick a lock.

On the brink of starvation, the author can provide the slippery main character with a bow and arrows and the skills necessary to hunt. (Or a gourmet meal prepared by an excellent chef could mysteriously appear on his or her slippery doorstep.)

So I challenge you, dear nonexistent reader, to solve this unsolvable problem. I challenge you, dear nonexistent reader, to save the slippery main character from his inevitable demise.

Character had never been trapped before. He had unlimited power and unending skill. He could do anything and everything the first time with utter perfection. But now, now he was trapped and he did not know what to do. His mind was blank. All the ideas that normally fought for space in his head had suddenly disappeared.

His arms were bound to his sides with iron bands. His legs were locked together similarly. He was trapped in a coffin-like steel box, sealed completely, except for five nickel-sized holes above his head for air, through which water was steadily trickling in.

The water was up to his wrists already, and it was so, so cold. No one knew where he was, where he could be. No one would’ve looked for him anyway.

A single thought bloomed like a golden crystal of snow in his otherwise empty mind, I am going to meet my inevitable demise…

Mellow Yellow Episode 15: Outside In

TICK, TOCK, and MASTER are selling Outside In novels in the busy streets of Almuerzo.

TICK: Buy them fresh from the counter! Get some copies of Outside In today!

TOCK: Yes, this book will always keep you on your toes!

MASTER: EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY! (becomes a ghost)

LENA walks up to the stand wanting to purchase some books while JOHN follows her, scoffing at how bad it is.

LENA: Can I have one?

TOCK: Sure! Tick, can you grab one for her?

TICK: Here. (holds up Outside In: The Guide To Indoor Gardening)

JOHN: What! I thought it was just Outside In!

LENA: (Raises eyebrow) What in the world is that?

MASTER: We don’t have that title, but, if you want, we have free Masters!

JOHN: Ooooh! Plushies!

TOCK hands him a Master Lock.

LENA: Can I have one too?

JOHN cries, dying his hair a light purple color

ZHAN: YES! (shaves him bald)

JOHN cries even harder.

 

~~~END

A Makeup Tutorial from Spinette

Dear nonexistent readers,

Due to the impending doom and sneaky approach of midterms, it seems as though the days have inexplicably shrunk.

Apologies to all who have been here long enough to have read this post before, but I will be reposting an old post by Spinette.

Hello! Today we will go over the basics of how to cover up your web blushes! Most people don’t have web blushes because they know how to apply makeup properly, and if you are a lousy bum like me and can’t put on this stuff, this should be very useful.

First, we get the foundation! I like to use a moderate layer of cupcake frosting, since it comes in all different colors and is very diverse. Put it on your face, making sure to cover up everything! If flies and frosting lovers surround you, you are doing very well. Soak up that attention!

The next thing we do is the blush. This is a very, very, very important part of applying cosmetic appliances. I enjoy using Arachnid’s red stick that she puts on her lips. She honestly has no concept of beauty, since red is used for blushes and she doesn’t even have any! In circles, put it on your cheeks. At this point, your red stick should be only a stub. Don’t hold back!

Now for the lipstick. With the little stub you have from the blush, use the last of it on your lips. It should be pink now since you rubbed it onto the frosting (or some other shade with a touch of red if you are a person of color) This, in turn, will give a natural look to your lips. Use the whole stub.

Last but not least, the eyeliner! I use a black fine-point Sharpie to do this. The fine point will allow for thin lines and thick lines too. Use it on your eyes and your eyebrows. Make your eyebrows thick and pointy, making sure the eyebrow doesn’t even look like an eyebrow!  It is very unnatural to have eyebrows since you could look like a certain fourth-wall-breaking slug.

Most people would stop here, but I go above and beyond and do my hair as well. I usually do a messy bun, using a bread bun to measure how high my hair poofs up. On special occasions, I put sugar in my hair, since it makes me look like Elsa and it tastes nice when I get nervous.

For fashion, I usually choose long, dramatic, blood-red capes; short, sunny, yellow tank tops; and Aladdin size pants. I look good in almost everything, except high heels. I still wear them though, as a weapon for defense, in case Arachnid gets mad at me for using up her red stick.

Yay! Now you can go out and look super duper pretty! People might point out your incredible fashion sense, laugh with you on the streets, or gaze at you with lovesick side glances.

Have fun with your new look!

 

My Pet Moths

Dear nonexistent readers,

Due to the impending doom and sneaky approach of midterms, it seems as though the days have inexplicably shrunk.

Apologies to all who have been here long enough to have read this post before, but I will be reposting an old post.

 

When I said that my only pets were plants, I lied. Unintentionally, of course. I also had some pet moths.

Way back a long time ago, in kindergarten to be specific, everyone in my class received a board game. I mean, technically it was a board game, but it was printed on regular printing paper, which, as the name implies, is used for printing upon. Usually. Printing paper has a plethora of other uses too, which I’m sure you can use your own imagination to figure out.

So anyway, returning to the point at hand, my lovely kindergarten teacher gave us all a board game and Mexican Jumping Beans. I was entranced by the beans. My five-year-old mind could not process the magic of legumes that moved on their own. Usually, legumes require people to move them.

We were not told that Mexican Jumping Beans are not, in fact, beans, but rather they are moth larvae.

So I brought four or five moth larvae home, convinced that they were magical beans.

For a few minutes, days, or weeks, I can’t remember, we all played this lovely board game with my magical beans. It was brilliant.

Then, one morning, I wake up, as most people do on most mornings, and I decided to play my lovely board game. I was very surprised to find that the little plastic box where I kept my magic beans were full of moths.

 

Showers

So today, I was looking at some random meme:

Since everyone gets inspiration from memes, I decided to make a post about my own shower time limits.

When I was a small hatchling, my mother used to do this thing called Towel Time and showed me proportions of time passing using a towel. Each time she showed me this, she told me to spend less time in the shower since I was in there for too long. And I mean, extremely long—to the point to where I become a human prune!

Seriously, this meme dude has a firm grasp on this Towel Time concept because I don’t know anyone (besides the Grand Master Of the Towels, my mother) who would shower for such a short amount of time. When I step into the shower, time seems to just slip away as my fingers prune. To me, it’s like a drug—once you start, you can’t stop. Towel Time would be the creepy cigarette commercial after I’m done.

Now, let me break down the things I actually do in the shower.

Unlike the meme, I do not have the brain capacity to reflect on the universe and instead sing an odd blended combination of Kpop, the Heathers Musical, Disney songs and the National Anthem of the U.S.A. (I just really like singing the National anthem okay?). Also, bits of other pop songs I like on the radio are stuffed in as well. This takes about 70% of my shower time.

Before I start to sing, I talk to You for awhile and fantasize about situations could never be in. Of course, this is the other 29% remaining plus the other 1% dedicated to actually doing things that are supposed to be done in these water hubs.

Yep. Time Management.

 

 

 

 

Mellow Yellow Episode 14: Lena’s Birthday!

LENA is lonely and wondering if anyone actually remembers her birthday. She sighs, opening her present to herself. It is a sock, although there is only one. She lost the other half of the pair somewhere between buying it in the clearance section and wrapping it.

LENA puts the one sock on her hand. She grabs some googly eyes from her pocket and makes a sock puppet.

JOHN bursts in through the door. He is wearing a banana suit.

JOHN: Never fear! John is here!

LENA: Do you know what day it is today?

JOHN: Yep. It’s Wednesday.

LENA: Yes… but is it a special Wednesday?

JOHN: Uhhhh… I think it might be International Squid Day, but that may have been last week.

JOHN strokes the sock puppet, deep in thought, then looks closer at the puppet.

JOHN: Hey! It has googly eyes! Is it your birthday? You only ever carried googly eyes in your pocket on your birthday.

LENA (looking pleased): Yes it is! I’m now officially seventeen. Did you get me anything?

JOHN: I did, in fact.

JOHN drops to one knee and pulls out a ring box.

JOHN: Lena, will you make me the happiest potato in this room and marry me?

Opens ring box to reveal half eaten pretzel.

LENA looks at JOHN incredulously.

LENA: No.

JOHN hops to his feet.

JOHN: Okay. It was part of the competition to win Bread’s love, anyway. It was to see who can throw the most romantic proposal. I think I’ll get extra points since it was your birthday/Wednesday and my ring was so tasty. I think Zhan is going to propose to Tick. Or possibly her shoe.

 

~~~END

 

Book Reviews!

Guys! What kind of semi-book blog is this? It’s been forever since I’ve reviewed anything! (Or even talked about books at all.)

So now I will throw up a large quantity of book reviews that review books that I have read recently.

 

Story Thieves: Pick the Plot   3/5

This book was okay. It wasn’t as good as the others in the series and there wasn’t much character development or plot in general. But that’s to be expected considering it’s a pick the plot book, which in itself is very interesting because the story that I read is different from the story that someone else read, even though it’s the same book. It was still a lovely addition to the series, which I highly recommend.

 

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: The Original Screenplay   4/5

Fantastic Beasts is currently my favorite movie and it is absolutely wonderful. Thanks to the screenplay, I actually know what is going on.

 

Turtles All the Way Down   4/5

This book was great. I love John Green’s writing style and the things his characters point out that I’d never think about. One such thing that I keep thinking about is how English puts humans above many things, but below the stars. (It was much prettier the way John Green put it.) The main character was well-developed as we spent a lot of time inside her head, but I felt like there was more we could’ve known about the other characters. But I think this was intentional because Aza, the main character, is thinking more about what’s going on inside herself and is not very observant. The mystery aspect of the book was also rather lacking as it wasn’t the main focus of the book and it was suspenseful. But that’s okay since it’s not really about the mystery.

The ending was… there are no words. It sort of just ended. I really like the way it made it seem like the book was just a little piece of the characters’ lives, but I don’t like that I won’t know what happened after! This book may keep you up at night, imagining the next nonexistent chapter.

 

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue   5/5

This book was wonderful! The humor was exceptional and I think if I actually like historical fiction this would be a new favorite. It was ridiculous. *A note for future reference: When I say “ridiculous”, I usually mean it in a good way.

 

The Language of Thorns: Midnight Tales and Dangerous Magic   5/5

This book was so good! It’s a collection of short stories that are like traditional fairy tales. And it was absolutely amazing! It’s hard to review the book as a whole because all the stories were completely different. My favorite was “The Witch of Duva”, which I made the mistake of reading at midnight. It was so creepy.

 

Six of Crows   12/5

THIS BOOK WAS SO GOOD! Spinette, you have to read it. Everyone in the whole universe has to read this. I have to reread it.

IT IS SO GOOD!

Okay. I can’t form coherent thoughts about it. Everyone, just read it. Trust me.

 

I’m going to try and be better about reviewing. Maybe I’ll do one every five books I read?

A Stream of Thoughts

Hello peoples!

You nonexistent guys seemed to like the previous rambling, so I shall make another one!

This time, the word is…

FLUENT

Hmmm…

I’m learning Spanish right now. Can’t say I’m fluent or even good for that matter. I’m okay with writing it, but quite terrible at speaking unless it is pre-rehearsed. But what kind of person rehearses a conversation? And unless that conversation was with oneself, one could not even truly rehearse something because one wouldn’t know what the second person would potentially say. Unless it was a play, but that is not a conversation really, is it? Is it not a conversation because it is pre-planned?

What makes something a conversation?

Also, is this considered talking to myself? Well, I’m not really talking, I’m typing. And it’s more thinking. So, therefore, can one think to oneself? Or is that just plain thinking? You can’t really think to someone else because that would telepathy, which doesn’t exist outside of the fictional world.

But what if this is thinking to someone else? Because I am typing as I am thinking these words, which means that someone will read them and see what I am thinking.

But that hypothetical reader will read it in the future, not as I am writing it, so then it’s more of leaving a note. Sort of.

I am confusing myself, I will return to “What makes something a conversation?”.

(Was that period supposed to go there? Do I need it? Or is it supposed to just be “‘…conversation?'” with no period? But now I have to keep it like that or else the nonexistent readers will have no idea what this thought is about.)

I am confusing myself, I will return to “What makes something a conversation?”.

The definition of “conversation” according to Dictionary.com:

informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words;oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.

Hah. It says spoken. But I can’t remember what I was originally trying to prove. Hold on, I have to go reread it.

So a conversation is a conversation if it is spoken. So that means reading a script is a conversation. And Mellow Yellow is a conversation. But talking in the comments section with other bloggers is not a conversation. Neither is texting or emailing.

I refuse to accept that definition. When I text Spinette, those are conversations, even though they aren’t spoken. Because if they don’t count, that means Spinette and I have less than two conversations a month.

How do I change this definition?

When does a conversation stop? It starts when you meet someone new, but is changing the topic the same as changing the conversation? Or what if there is a lull in the conversation and no one talks for 2.364 minutes and then they pick back up? Are those two separate conversations or parts to one conversation? And if they’re parts, then is there a minimum number of minutes between parts that dictate the end of one conversation and the start of another? And if there isn’t, then is the moment from the initial meeting with a person the start of a conversation that continues on forever until one of the two dies? And if so, does that mean that Spinette and I have only had one conversation ever?

I’ve pressed the question mark key a lot. Does that mean that when I think, I think mostly in questions? What is the nature of thinking about thinking? That is thinking in itself. Can you think of thinking of thinking of thinking for infinity? It’s all thinking!

Do people from different places think in an accent? Does thinking even have words? This is all relating back to Babies: Some Random Thoughts.

I’m going to stop now before all this thinking blows up my brain.

100 Follower Mega Q&A Special!

Greetings, dear nonexistent readers! We are here today to celebrate fifty a hundred followers (who don’t exist, as they are nonexistent). That’s…fifty a hundred more followers than we expected, so…good job pressing that follow button.

In our post, 50 Followers!, we asked you guys to ask some questions, which we will answer in this Mega Q&A Special. After that, so we have fifty questions and match the theme of this thing, we had our lovely friend Ned the Narwhal from Unicorn Sightings ask some more…creative questions.

Note: So guys, this was supposed to be the fifty follower Q&A special, but due to our procrastination, we somehow managed to acquire 100 followers somewhere between getting fifty followers and writing this post. So wow, guys. Thanks.

To match the theme of “a hundred” instead of fifty, both Spinette and I will be answering each of the questions instead of every other question. Therefore, there will be a hundred answers.

 

Another Note: While we were conducting the interrogation, we realized that fifty questions are more than we thought and it was lunchtime and we were hungry so there are 27 questions. Apologies.

 

Questions 1-10 are from the nonexistent readers and 11-27 are from our lovely friend Ned the Narwhal.

 

Arachnid=A

Spinette=S

1. From mainepaperpusher, we have: Why the spidery monikers?
   • A: First, I’ve got to commend you on your vocabulary. (Monikers-a person’s name, especially a nickname or alias. [definition courtesy of dictionary.com]). We discussed this topic thoroughly in Why we are The WebWeavers, but the summary is that “We spin webs of lies to trap our readers” and “What is a storyteller but a glorified liar?”. Basically, our parents named us after spidery things and we worked with it.
   • S: ‘Coz we are cool, bruh.
2. From Plant Electrician, we have: Now that you have 50 followers how else are you going to celebrate other than answering comment questions?
   • A: We are going to consume hypothetical muffins.
   • S: I’m going to jump on my bed listening to screamo music concerning milk
3. From authorsinspirations, we have: What’s your real name?
   • A: I am Arachnid Weaver, and she is Spinette Spyder.
   • S: SPINETTE SUPER SPYDER—I am a distant relative of Superman.
4. From Plot Monster, we have: What is your favorite genre to read?
   • A: Fantasy. I have nothing against other genres, but recently I’ve found myself reading more fantasy than anything else. But it’s a really diverse genre and most two books aren’t alike. AND SIX OF CROWS.
   • S: Books that are well-executed. Any book that is good, is good.
5. From Mr and Mrs NW, we have: Why do you guys call us ‘nonexistent’? It’s really rude to say we don’t exist.
   • A: This “nonexistent readers” thing was spawned from the creation of our book, Slugventures: The Adventures of a Slug. When we were writing most of it, we had no idea that we were going to publish or do anything with it, really. We were just writing it to make each other laugh, and since no one other than Spinette and I were reading it, our readers were “nonexistent”. In Slugventures, we do refer to the readers as “nonexistent readers” and it just sort of carried over to the blog once we started it.
   • S: This is because you guys are, in fact, nonexistent. You are all figments of our imagination.
6. From Mr and Mrs NW, we have: Are you [Arachnid] and Spinette this witty in real life or do you save all of the hilariousness for the blog?
   • A: Definitely. Except witty comments are often rude, and as I was told as a young child to “not say anything if it’s not nice,” my witty comments remain locked in my head.
   • S: Yes. My charisma gets me high-up jobs. Hypothetically.
7. From Sophia Ismaa Writes: Where did ‘Arachnid Weaver’ originate from?
   • A: *Shrugs* Ask my parents.
   • S: Epson printer.
8. From Sophia Ismaa Writes: Other than blogging what are your passions and goals in life?
   • A: I have to keep my closet clean.
   • S: To have a world record of chopping the most footlemons.
9. From theherdlesswitch: What’s your favorite song?
   • A: Gold by Imagine Dragons or Unstoppable by The Score
   • S: There Is A Cat Licking Your Birthday Cake by Parry Gripp and I Was Meant To Be Yours from the Heathers Musical.
10. What is your favorite word?
    • A: “Grotesque”, “lovely”, and “yeasty”. I also like “puffy”.
    • S: “Spinette” is my favorite word.
11. What is the last color of the rainbow?
    • A: Violet all the way.
    • S: Indigo! It is indigo! Indigo!
12. Where do all your hypothetical people go on vacation?
    • A: My hypothetical people go to the very real Unicornia on vacation.
    • S: My peeps go to the place of chocolate relaxation known as Coco Puffs.
13. Gel pens or ballpoint?
    • A: Gel pens all the way. I refuse to write with ballpoint unless I am in dire circumstances.
    • S: Ballpoint. It’s way cleaner than gel pens. Although pencils are my jam.
14. Are you for or against immortality?
    • A: Against.
    • S: Against. I like people in small doses.
15. How many uses for paperclips can you think of?
    • A: A lot.
    • S: Earrings.
16. Tell us a deep, dark secret that nobody knows.
    • A: Nobody doesn’t know any of my secrets.
    • S: I kissed my first-grade teacher.
17. Do you believe in leprechauns?
    • A: Yes.
    • S: No. Again, everyone is a figment of my imagination.
18. Do you occasionally lie?
    • A: Yes.
    • S: No. I am a moral being.
19. Are you lying right now?
    • A: …
    • S: I love you!
20. What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
    • A: Lettuce.
    • S: Bread sandwich all the way, brush.
21. Are you afraid of the dark?
    • A: No. But I could be afraid of what’s in the dark. I suppose it depends on where I am and what threats are in the area.
    • S: I love the darkness and hate the light. I’m like Batman.
22. What kind of bird would you want to see in real life?
    • A: I’m debating between a phoenix and a kiwi bird.
    • S: I would like to see an Angry Berd one day.
23. What is the purpose of this blog?
    • A: To fill previously blank space with words.
    • S: TO BE COOL, BRUSH! (and promote our book. Go buy it on Amazon, yeah!)
24. Do you have a strong attachment to any vegetables in particular?
    • A: Kelly the Zucchini was extremely nice before I ate her.
    • S: Cereal is my jam. Go eat some.
25. What do you think of controversial topics?
    • A: Thoughts
    • S: Racism is bad, Isis is a terrorist group. and vases should not be broken.
26. Do you collect anything?
    • A: Stuffed animals. Beanie Boos in particular (they are adorable). And also cat shirts. I used to collect glitter, the circles from hole punchers, used-up lead, and four-leaf clovers.
    • S: Life.
27. What is your favorite flavor?
    • A: Red.
    • S: Taste the rainbow, cry the rainbow.