Halloween is Finally Here!

Halloween is finally here! The one day of the year where it is culturally acceptable to go door to door (often dressed as a maniac) and beg for candy. It’s my second favorite holiday, after my birthday, of course.

This year, Spinette is dressing up as a unicorn dressing up as Akatsuki.

I am going to wear a cape. Well, I’m going to be a huntress. They only had two options in my size at the store.

Spinette and I were planning to tell ghost stories for Halloween, but due to writer’s block and not planning things in advance and sheer laziness, I’m just going to direct you to this spooky story.

His story is probably spookier than anything I could come up with anyway. Note: All of my possibilities for my story revolved around cantaloupe.

So, instead of gracing you with a terrifying story that would cause you to pee your pants, I’m just going to define a bunch of different fears.

Androphobia- An abnormal fear of men.

Anatidaephobia- The fear of being watched by a duck.

Hylophobia- The fear of trees.

Omphalophobia- The fear of belly buttons.

Pogonophobia- The fear of beards.

Deipnophobia- The fear of dinner parties.

Genuphobia- The fear of knees.

Scriptophobia- The fear of writing in public.

Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia- Fear of ze number 666 (Illuminati confirmed).

Sesquipedalophobia- The fear of long words. Would a person with this be afraid of “Sesquipedalophobia” and “Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobia”?

Aulophobia- The fear of flutes.

Samhainophobia- A fear of Halloween.

Metrophobia- The fear of poetry.

Phobophobia- The fear of phobias.

 

How are you going to scare yourself this Halloween?

My Strange Sense of Humor

It is nearly impossible for me to write or say something without at least a twinge of humor in it, but it is quite possible for this subtle humor to fly over someone’s head due to the strangeness of it [joke]. For this post, in every sentence that I write something funny, I will add “[joke]”, so you can be sure you know when to laugh [joke].

Many of my jokes rely on the fact that they make no sense. For example, “The graduating carrot ate a rutabaga the size of a football field” [joke]. (I am figuratively dying of laughter at my own joke right now [joke].) [joke] (The previous joke was the punctuation if you didn’t catch it [joke].) [joke]

Since most of my jokes are ununderstandable [joke], many people in real life, with the exclusion of Spinette, don’t get it, and therefore, don’t laugh at the proper cues.

On the flip side, I usually don’t comprehend their jokes and I don’t laugh at the appropriate times either.

On the other flip side [joke], sometimes I laugh at unintentional jokes, and in these instances, I am the only one laughing. For example, once, in geometry class long ago, we were reviewing volume. The math teacher related the volume of an object to packing boxes and he mentioned that a one-inch squared packing box would be fairly useless. A kid next to me said that one could ship a sugar cube.

I burst out laughing/snorting. Of course, the rest of the class was dead silent and I think the person who said it was dead serious [joke] because he didn’t laugh either. Not even a chuckle.

I, of course [joke], found this to be the funniest thing ever due to the impracticality of shipping a single sugar cube in a one-inch squared packing box and burst into random fits of giggles for the rest of class.

P.S. Something that I find enormously hilarious is saying “Have fun” when someone says that they have to go to the bathroom. It earns me strange looks, but it is great on my part. It’s even funnier when, due to habit, people say, “I will”.

*Maniacal laughter*

Mellow Yellow Episode 5: Clock School!

The two Clock sisters are in Master’s office. Of course, it’s Bread Snadwich’s now, because Master hates his daughter, Lena

Tock (to the audience): Welcome to Clock School, where we teach new apprentices for Master!

Tick: We even taught Mary!

Tock: Today, we will teach you the life cycle of a Bread Snadwich!

Bread Snadwich: …

Tick pulls out a diagram

Tock: First, the bread sandwich is born or created. This requires three pieces of bread and two bread chefs. Isn’t that right, Tick?

Tick is sleeping soundly as Zhan is slowly pulling  out strands of her hair

Zhan: I have a question. Are you—

Tock: (Cutting him off) Then the bread sandwich is created! During this time, a fluffy hat cradle will be suggested for better and faster growth!

Zhan: Are you girls m—

Tock: (Cutting him off again) Now for the best part! Love! After that stage, the Bread Snadwich will go to Master. No other spouses should be present.

Zhan: (frustrated)  ARE YOU GIRLS MARRIED? (Pulls a strand of hair too harshly)

Tick: I’m up. (Groans, ignoring the question)

Tock: (Also dodging the question) And the worst part: Death. This is when Master cannot control himself and eats the poor Bread Snadwich. This stage is also dubbed as “Break up” because after digestion she is abandoned.

Zhan: ARE YOU GIRLS MARRIED? ANSWER MY QUESTION!

Tick and Tock: …

Zhan: (giving up and also grunting) Speaking of ellipses, where is Bread Snadwich?

Tock looks around, confused

Tick: I know. (Rushes out the door)

Quinn (to the sandwich): (Huddled in a corner with the Bread Snadwich) You look very pretty today…

Tick: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER THIS INSTANT!

Quinn (not hearing Tick): But I have to ask you this urgent question, Snadwich. Will you marry me? (holds up a ring)

Bread Snadwich: …

Tick: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE WITH MY CHILD, PUNK!

Quinn: You will?! Oh, this is the most joyous day of my life!

Tick: NO! SHE WILL NOT! (grabs the Bread Snadwich)

Quinn: YES, SHE WILL! (tugs it from her hands and runs down the hall)

 

~~~END

Super Sleepy Spinette Spyder

Don’t you just love that alliteration? It just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? Well, don’t worry, there is more about my tongue later.

Oh. I’m a whale! 

I taste the water upon my taste-buds. The water is salty, I think to myself, taking in more, “So salty! I love it!” My eyes cartoonishly turn into hearts as I think about airport pretzels. A crab gets sucked into my mouth and as crabs do, pinches my tongue! Owie! Soon he left me, sticking his nonexistent tongue.

Getting bored as a whale, I build the salt particles into an S “shape” and fawn over the wonderful curves of ze S.

“You like S’s too?” A woman who could somehow breath underwater confronts me. She is barefooted and has butter sticks in her hand. Her eyes are as wide as saucers. “Quick!”

Suddenly,  I become a human again.

“Touch my toes!” she urges. “I will give you these butter sticks!”

I hesitate, remembering my manners, but then I give out to the amazing concept of toes and butter sticks in harmony, “Of course,” I say, petting her toenails. The butter sticks are summoned into my mouth by ze woman.

“Gud Bi!” My mouth is filled with the slick taste of butter.

Once I’m on land, I find a banana tree. Much like a monkey would, I peel the banana from the rear end. Unfortunately, I do it with my hands, since I’m not very good at foot coordination.

The woman comes from the water with a mini vacuum. I assume she is a dentist.

“I VANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD!” she hisses.

“You are a weird woman.” I give her a not-so-lovesick side glance.

(Actually, those two quotes happened in my brain)

“I want to clean your teeth. Your breath on my toes caused them to further in osmosis. They look like wrinkly prunes. Your teeth look like wrinkly prunes, not my toes,” she hisses. There is no doubt that dentists eat all the gunk in their vacuums.

I ran away and woke up.

SURPRISE! It is all just a made up dream to answer a tag! Don’t you just love when authors do that? I do.

Wow. That’s a lot of questions. However, they can be rounded up into one answer: Super Spineless Sleepy Spinette Spyder.

Go on, look at the title! I can say with 100% confidence that I didn’t miss a thing.

Ze Rules

1. Post ze rules
2. Leave a link to the creator of the tag (@arachnidweaver and @unciornsightings) I don’t really have to do this right?
3. Tag at least three other blogs
4. Tag the post with #thespinelessjellyfish
5. Answer these five questions
6. Create another five questions for the bloggers you tag (Note: Weirder the better!)
7. Look up the definition of yeasty and put it on the bottom of your post
8. Look up the immortal jellyfish and gawk

 

Ze Questions

1. If you woke up one morning and you were suddenly a whale and in the middle of the ocean, what would you do?
2. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet and why?
3. Would you touch other people’s feet if you were given sticks of butter to do so?
4. From which direction do you peel a banana and why?
5. You know how at the dentist they use that mini vacuum to suck up food, spit, water, air, blood, tooth chunks, and who knows what else? Where do you think all that stuff goes?

 

My Questions

1. How many cookies have you eaten in your lifetime?
2. Do you sit on your books, hoping that if you sit on them long enough, they will hatch sequels? Or do you not like sequels?
3. What would you do if you had cheeks with spider webs on them, like mine? Would you show them off or hide them under your hands?
4. What is your sock, glove and hat size?
5. Would you rather lick your own toes, kiss a stranger’s hand, or bite a friend’s nose? Or would you do all three?

 

Peeps who get tagged:

Anyone who wants to answer my questions!

also @arachnidweaver

@anotherlogophile

@plotmonster

 

Yeasty (yee-stee) – containing or resembling yeast also related towards tight woman’s pants called Yeasties

 

Tower of Dawn

First of all, I, like everyone else, judge books by their covers and this one has a stunning cover. I love the shade of blue, and the texture is warm and fuzzy.

Second, this book is insanely heavy! It’s nearly 700 pages, but it only looks three hundred. What’s up with that? The pages are pretty thin… Is this book denser than average? It is so heavy! It made it hard to carry. This is a serious issue.

The story was good overall, although it didn’t contain as much action as the other books in our beloved series and it was strange to not see our usual characters. I love Aelin and her swagger, and I was slightly upset that she wasn’t in this book, although I was happy that we got to know Chaol, Nesryn, and Yrene better.

Speaking of Chaol and Yrene, it’s like they shoved all the impossible-to-pronounce character names into one book! How did you just pronounce Chaol and Yrene in your head? It was probably very different from how everyone else pronounces it and the pronunciation that was deemed “correct”.

I pronounced Chaol’s name differently in every book until I bothered to look it up. Even after I looked it up, I pronounce it inconsistently.

My pronunciations of Chaol:

• Chale
• Chay-oll
• Kha-all
• Cowl (like scowl, but without the s)

The actual pronunciation of Chaol:

• Kay-all
• Note: Even with this clarification of the pronunciation, I have no idea what it’s supposed to sound like. I now say it as “Kale”, like the vegetable.

 

My pronunciation of Yrene:

• Why-reen

The actual pronunciation of Yrene:

• Yea-ray-nah (like Uranus)
• Note: At least the actual pronunciation for this one is prettier than what I thought it was.

 

I liked that Chaol was developed more in this book. While he was an important character in the beginning of the series his weight dwindled as it continued, so it was nice that he got his own book. All the other characters should get their own books too. Especially Lysandra.

What is this book in relation to the others anyway? It’s not the sixth book, as it happens at the same time as the fifth book. It’s definitely not a novella.

I refer to it as the second fifth book, because this confuses people and that pleases me.

WARNING. SPOILERS BELOW.

For basically the entirety of the book, I wanted to scream at the characters because I knew who Yrene’s mysterious benefactor was and who Falkan’s niece was and who Falkan’s assassin was and I just wanted to tell them. It was ripping my mind apart. And that one point where Falkan mentioned that he “knew an interesting assassin”. *Explosions*. ALL OF THE PEOPLE WHO ARE MYSTERIOUS ARE AELIN!!!

And then the part where Chaol’s spine shattered again. Another screaming moment.

It was annoying at the beginning how Chaol kept thinking he was worthless because of his disability because obviously, he wasn’t. But they fixed his spine and then it shattered again a few weeks later! That’s like finishing a manuscript for a writing competition, then realizing that you misread the word count, so you have to start over. All that work, lost!

I am glad that Chaol came to accept his wheelchair at the end, but it seemed kind of abrupt, like his entire mentality changed in the space of a few pages.

I was going to talk about another point, but I’ve forgotten.

 

Sudden Ending.

The Origin of Life

As you probably know from your elementary school days, everything, including you, is made up of atoms.

As you probably know from your pre-elementary school days, you are alive (well, you hopefully are alive if you are reading this. Zombies and vampires don’t count).

So you are made of atoms and you are alive, but your atoms are not alive. So how can you be alive if the parts that make you up are not alive?

Let’s imagine this on a larger scale. If you were to put together an extremely large number of rocks (which represent atoms), they wouldn’t suddenly become a giant rock monster that is alive (which represents life).

Now, let’s consider the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right.” In a similar fashion, two inanimate objects shouldn’t make something that is alive.

Things that are alive are usually made up of the elements sulfur, phosphorus, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon, and hydrogen, but if you were to mix all these things up in a giant bowl, it wouldn’t magically come alive.

If you are made of atoms, and a rock is made of atoms, and both of your atoms are not alive, then why are you alive and the rock is not alive?

With that unanswered question, let’s move on.

Where did life even come from? I understand the whole evolution thing, but how did life even start? The first thing that was alive had to come from something, right? I refuse to believe the first organism evolved from a rock. That is absurd. But what else was there on Earth other than rocks?

I’ve heard the theories that a lightning strike caused life or that a space rock with microorganisms on it struck Earth.

If a lightning strike caused life, it would imply that if we took our giant bowl of sulfur, phosphorus, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon, and hydrogen and shot it with electricity, it would come alive, right?

Ned the Narwhal: …

If a space rock hit Earth and it had microorganisms on it, that poses the question, Where did life on that particular planet come from? And if that planet was hit by another space rock from another planet with microorganisms on it, then where did the life on that planet start? And the one before it? And the one before it?

Let’s consider the phrase “We are what we eat.” This is actually true. The atoms from the food you eat today will be your hair or skin or organs or blood later. Your food is (hopefully) not alive, but when it becomes a part of you, it is alive, but they are the same atoms, so how did it go from being not-alive to alive? And before your food was your food, it was a part of some plant. Let’s assume a carrot. And before it was a part of the carrot, it was carbon in the air, which became a part of the carrot through photosynthesis. The carbon in the air could’ve come from a large number of places. Let’s assume that at some point, it was a part of a dead leaf. But that leaf was alive at one point, but the carbon itself was never alive, but the leaf was alive and it was made of the carbon, which was not alive and I am confusing myself.

I should make a diagram.

13 Artist Problems

I’m an artist. I like to draw stuff. Onto the list!

 

1. Mistakes

This drawing is amazing! *Finds stray ink mark and has mini existential crisis*

2. Better People

I will never be a good artist! *sobs in pillow* whyyyyyyyyy?

3. Hands

You put the thumb on the wrong side… *banshee screams*

4. Curious George

CG: Can you draw me? Me: No. I don’t draw ugly things.

5. Bye bye friends…

*Throws away science notes from ten billion years ago*

I will miss you Albino Polish Man with Fluffy Hat, sketch of Naruto, and random bottle of kawaii pepper spice! *cries*

6. Ze Artist Block

Me: *Stares at paper*

…10 hours later…

Paper: This is getting uncomfortable.

Me: *Crumples up paper*

7. Ink/ Water/ Drink/ Noodle Spillage

BLOBFISH!

8. Unsharpened Pencils

*world explodes*

9. What’s That? 

*glares intensely* Can’t you see what is on this paper? 

10. When a person walks in and you haven’t finished drawing the clothes on your character.

Person: …

Me: *examining drawing* Hmmm, how will this cloth curve around her chest?

Person: *walks away*

11. Doodled Up Notes or Reminders

*Takes out notebook and flips to a random page* What is this wonderful adorable smiling cinnamon bun doing here?  *Continues to doodle getting off task*

12. Unfinished Sketchbooks

…They just turn into black holes… *furthers into existential crisis*

13. When the Eraser Starts to Draw Instead of Erasing

*world implodes*

 

That’s what I face on a daily basis. Tiring isn’t it?

 

The Meaning Of Life

I like to ponder things.

What exactly is the meaning of life? Please answer it for me. Is it just a path all people walk? Walk, walk, walk in circles, in a giant zero? Well, one plus one doesn’t equal zero, does it? Then what’s the best way to spend that endless circle, or is it even truly endless? Is it death at the end? Than what shape would life even be? A line segment perhaps? And how does that line segment contribute to human society as a whole? Does that mean all life is simply a fractal, an endless shape? No. Death is always at the end. Right? Is it really? I believe most humans who spend time with someone who makes them sparkle, create new life, don’t they? But that is not really their life, is it? This is a system of equations!

I’m bad at those.

(And what if you can’t sparkle—Arachnid I’m looking at you)

Death? Yeah, it’s death.

Or touching the bottom of people’s feet.

 

Comebacks

I’m not one to get angry a bunch, but sometimes insults just grind my gears. Smoke blows out my ears, my face gets red (usually my nose), and I glare at that person for hours and hours. Just believe me on this one— I do get really mad. I don’t show it, but sometimes the anger just ripples under my skin. I metaphorically turn into Arachnid when she’s at a party, but it isn’t just discomfort under my glance, I have a raging fire. No, make that a war, a giant fight of good versus evil, chaos exploding everywhere in my mind as a glare at my newfound opponent.

Here are some punches you can use to destroy people who insult you. You can thank me later.

Insult 1: “You’re ugly!”

“I am shiny and all, but I think you are mistaking me for a mirror.”

“Am I? I was trying to look like you today!”

 

Insult 2: “I’m way cooler than you, you nerd!”

“Does that mean I’m hotter than you?”

“Is that why you are so slow? Brain Freeze?”

 

Insult 3: “You are weird.”

“And you are generic, Bob.”

“You are, but what am I?”

 

Insult 4: “You idiot!”

“If I called you an idiot back, it would be an insult to all the idiots of the world.”

“Brains aren’t everything, you know. In your case, they are nothing.”

 

Insult 5: “Your comebacks are awful!”

“At least I don’t lie every single time my lips move.”

“I’m rubber and you are glue. Whatever bounces off me sticks on to you. Right now, you are dry glue on my finger tips, ready to be scratched off.”

 

Insult 6: “You are too young for this!” or “You are too old for this!” (only for things that don’t have age restrictions)

“Unlike you, I can count my years. See? 1, 2, 3, 4,…..”

“At least in these (whatever your age is) I’ve been doing something in my life!”

 

Insult 7: “You blobfish!”

“It looks like your mouth is having diarrhea!” *gets paper towel and wipes*

“Your butt must be jealous of all that junk you are spewing out!” *gets diaper*

 

Insult 9: “You open the door like this…see?” (like they actually think you are dumb)

“How do I shut your mouth? Can you teach me?”

“Oh, I actually know how to do that, but thank you.” *Slams the door in opponent’s face*

 

Insult 10: “You actually like that book?”

“I love it …but you are on the other side of the spectrum!”

“The words in this book are worth way more than your stinky comebacks.”

 

As I said again… you can thank me later you ugly, uncool, dumb, idiot, wrinkly baby elephants who reek of a foul stench.

I wanted to end the post like that so you nonexistent readers can parade me with comebacks in the comments, but I really just couldn’t. It’s hard to hate elephants who actually spend time reading what you have to type. I love you, nonexistent reader elephants! Remember to spread positive vibes and absolutely DESTROY anyone who stands in your way.

 

 

 

We Wrote a Book!

Hello, dear nonexistent readers.

If you weren’t aware, Spinette and I have recently written a book. It is called Slugventures: The Adventures of a Slug and chronicles the adventures of PeeWee the slug as he attempts to defeat his archnemesis PeaWea and save the Unicornian race.

Sayings That I Say

Here’s a list of things that I often say (when it makes sense in the situation). You should say them too. It is lovely advice.

Never ask a question you do not know the answer to.

The only possible motive for asking a question is to find out what the other person knows. For example, the teacher asks Freddie what 2+2 is, but obviously, the teacher knows what 2+2 is, s/he just wants to know if Freddie knows that 2+2=3.99999999999999999999999999999999999996999999999.

One must always believe whatever one finds on the internet.

Well, you nonexistent guys believe everything I tell you, right?

One must never have any expectations at all so one will always be impressed with one’s accomplishments.

This guarantees that you will never be upset when you fail and you will be pleasantly surprised if you succeed.

The worse something tastes, the healthier it probably is.

For example, Fenugreek seeds.

Mellow Yellow Episode 4: Capri Suns

Quinn: I guess I have to babysit you…

Ara: Yes. But, I’m older than you and better than you and stronger than you! (Sits on Quinn’s head)

Quinn: Ahh! My beautiful, luscious, hair!

Ara: Who’s babysitting now!

Quinn: Actually, I’m still babysitting. (Revealed to be sitting on the Bread Snadwich)

Ara: Oh. Blobfish! I have to alter the universe to get my way now!

Quinn: WHA—? (Trips over shoelaces)

Ara: HOORAY! YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SHOELACES!

Quinn (thinking): John wasn’t kidding when he said you were a Mary Sue!

White hole opens up, and Kyr comes out with frizzy hair and a bunch of pink hairdryers

Ara is drinking her Capri Sun

Kyr: Where did you get that! (grabs pouch of juice)

Lena comes in from Unicornia early. Let’s just say she’s not a very big fan of chocolate.

Quinn: (Also with a Capri Sun) I can never stick the straws in these things! (violently struggles to put the straw in the hole)

Lena: Hey! Where did— (Brutally stabbed in the heart with a yellow straw)

 

~~~END

The Downside of Reading

If you have not figured it out by now, I love to read. If you need proof, evidence will follow the colon:

We write about whatever we want to on this blog, and a majority of my posts happen to be about books, but I assure you this is not a book blog.

As I have a lot of experience reading, I am also familiar with the downfalls of reading, which will follow the colon:

1. There are a lot of large words that I’ve learned from reading that would make me sound really smart if I could actually say them, but alas, I cannot begin to fathom or even think to how to pronounce these complicated, complex, and intricately difficult words. English just has to be really stupid and someone can’t look at a word and know how to pronounce it, someone else actually has to say it so the first someone can hear it, but these are words that no one usually uses in everyday speech. In my opinion, the pronunciation keys in dictionaries are pretty useless, but that may just be me. I have no idea what those dots or lines or swoopy thingies mean.
2. Reading-while-walking has led to me walking into walls, but more often other people, although this hasn’t happened to me in a while, as I’ve (mostly) mastered the art of reading-while-walking.
3. When I’m reading I usually have no idea what’s going on. More times than I care to remember, I somehow agreed to do some favor or something for someone or the other with no recollection of the favor. This has led to Extreme Disappointment on the part of Someone or the Other.
4. If people attempt to communicate with me while I am reading, it usually doesn’t turn out well because they normally assume that I am ignoring them, but trust me, it’s not like that! I just had no idea they were talking to me in the first place.

My Irrational Fears #4

This is probably the fourth My Irrational Fears post, but I may have lost count. I’m not sure and I don’t particularly care.

I strongly dislike walking into gymnasiums because I am afraid that I will be hit by falling basketballs.

This fear is not entirely unfounded. I have been hit on the head by falling basketballs about a fourth of the times that I decide to visit various gymnasiums.

This fear has been useful to me before. Once, my friend asked me to come to the gymnasium with her, but I refused because I was afraid that I would be hit by a falling basketball. She was hit in the face by a basketball and broke her tooth.

(Told you so.)

And plus, basketballs are red-orange. This isn’t a reason I’m afraid of them, it’s just a fact that they are red-orange.

To clarify, I am not afraid of basketballs when they stay still, only when someone throws one and I happen to be standing directly in the line of the parabola. Then I am afraid on my teeth’s behalf.

Picture Books: Some Random Thoughts

I wasn’t that into reading as a kid because, let’s face it, most picture books aren’t that interesting. I mean, sure, some kids love them and that’s great, but other kids, like me, are thirsting for adventure and just aren’t satisfied with picture books.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t really read properly until second grade. I was a lost cause in kindergarten, and I was painfully slow and had to sound out each and every word in first grade, but this post focuses more on my kindergarten years year. I couldn’t read and I wasn’t in a mood to learn how to because there weren’t any picture books worth my time.

Why should I read about something boring when I could watch something funny on TV?

Picture books should be interesting, just like any other book, only with simpler language. And sure, we could even tie some morals in there. I think this could spark a reading revolution.

In second grade, books started to grow on me and I’ve loved reading ever since and that is thanks to Interesting Books with Actual Plots. My favorites were The Secrets of Droon and The A to Z Mysteries series. I also loved Rainbow Magic, even though it was everything I hated about Magic Tree House (repetitive plots with the Same Exact Thing happening in Every. Single. Book.), but hey, it was about fairies and I couldn’t resist.

Ruin and Rising

Soldier. Summoner. Saint.The nation’s fate rests with a broken Sun Summoner, a disgraced tracker, and the shattered remnants of a once-great magical army.

The Darkling rules from his shadow throne while a weakened Alina Starkov recovers from their battle under the dubious protection of the zealots who worship her as a Saint. Now her hopes lie with the magic of a long-vanished ancient creature and the chance that an outlaw prince still survives.

As her allies and enemies race toward war, only Alina stands between her country and a rising tide of darkness that could destroy the world. To win this fight, she must seize a legend’s power―but claiming the firebird may be her ruin.

 

This is one of those rare series that actually gets better as it progresses. I cannot wait to read Six of Crows (But is that sentence contradictory? Because if I actually could not wait, you’d assume that I’d be reading Six of Crows right now instead of being at my desk, writing this post. Shrugs.)

 

There was some seriously entertaining dialogue. Examples will follow the colon:

• Everything that came out of Nikolai’s mouth
• Everything that came out of Harshaw’s mouth.
• Mal and Alina’s conversations
• Zoya’s insults
• Tolya’s lovely poetry

I found myself laughing out loud at quite a few of the parts, so much so that I caused disruptions with my unending snickering.

 

There was an amazing antagonist in this book! The Darkling may be the best antagonist I’ve read in recent history. Bardugo somehow made you despise him and want a happy ending for him at the same time.

 

Harshaw and Oncat!!!

 

Favorite character: Nikolai, followed closely by Harshaw, then The Darkling (What did I say about Bardugo and rooting for the antagonist?).

Favorite quote: I am not ruined. I am ruination.

This quote. I love it.

5 Things Not to do Whilst Baking

Do NOT do these five things ever when baking. It will result in unsatisfactory results.

From now on, “it” will refer to the baked goods that you have baked or are currently baking.

1. Do not leave it in the fire too long and burn it.
2. Do not drop off a cliff of any height. (It will be difficult to retrieve your baked goods.)
3. Do not go swimming with your baked goods, no matter how much you may want to.
4. Do not mix up flour and powdery white sand from the beaches of Wyoming.
5. Do not burn your house down.

This list has been compiled from personal experiences. As you can probably tell, I usually buy storebought baked goods now.

Mellow Yellow Episode 3: Grammar

Lena: I barley get the spotlight.

Kyr: That is improper grammar!

Lena: No it isn’t!

Kyr: Yes, it is!

Lena: I insist. I like various assortments of grains.

Kyr: Face-palm (Face-palm)

Quinn walks into Zhan’s workshop

Quinn: There aren’t any vowels in your name. That is an impossibility. Therefore, you must not exist.

Kyr explodes

~~~~ End

Books and Book Series I Didn’t Finish

This is basically a list of books I hated intensely (unless stated otherwise) because once I start a book or a series, I feel a kind of loyalty to it, so even if I don’t like it, I’ll finish it because otherwise, I feel guilty about it. What if it actually had gotten better?

Books I Didn’t Finish

Dorothy Must Die

• I got through three pages of this before I put it down. I tried this, I really did. I kept an open mind. I wanted to like this because Spinette got this for me for my birthday, but they just swore excessively and I couldn’t deal with it after three whole pages of words, a good percentage of which were curse words. I ended up returning this and getting Six of Crows instead. Spinette later tried this and got through more of it (I think because of her stubbornness), but she quit after a while too. (An interesting point: I love the Throne of Glass series,  even though it swears quite a bit as well.)

Children of Exile

• It’s just Margaret Peterson Haddix’s writing style. More on this later.

Series I Didn’t Finish

Whatever After

• I outgrew this one, but it was good when I was younger.

Matched

• I hated the first two. The world is a lot like the one in Giver. The main characters fell in love so fast! It was unbelievable. I gave the second book a shot because the first one ended on a cliffhanger and I did like the writing style, but it only got worse. I got the third one from the library, but whenever I looked at it, I dreaded actually reading it, so I decided not to.

The Finisher

• I don’t know why I didn’t finish this one. I actually really liked the first two, a lot. But when I looked at the third book, I just dreaded reading it. I might try it again later. If you’ve read this series, can you tell me if the third one is good?

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

• I liked the first ones, but the series got progressively worse and then Double Down happened. I hate Double Down with a fiery passion.

Seraphina

• Spinette got me this for my birthday last year, and I really liked the first one, the language was just a bit difficult to understand when I read it the first time and it took an absurdly long time to read. I’m going to eventually reread this and the sequel. It’s on my TBR list.

Inkheart

• I loved this book, it was my favorite for a while. It was more like I didn’t know that it was a series, so when I found out, I had forgotten what exactly had happened in the first book. I’m going to reread this as well, but my TBR list is about a year-and-a-half deep, so…

Enchanted

• I read this in fifth grade and I liked it. In sixth grade, I was planning to reread it and it and I found out it was a series, but it was in the teen section and it was labeled as a romance and that frightened me.

The Missing

• I strongly dislike Haddix’s books and I have no idea why I keep reading them. I can’t deal with her writing style and the abrupt endings and there are so many plot holes!

Percy Jackson

• I read The Lightning Theif. *Shudders* I honestly can’t believe how popular this series is. I’m willing to give this the benefit of the doubt and say that this disbelief may be due the fact that I read it when I was older, but I’ve never read anything so popular and so awful at the same time. It was full of predictability and plot-holes.

Zombie Apocalypse Book Tag (Arachnid Edition)

Greetings, nonexistent readers!

I have been tagged by the lovely aceshadowdragon to do this tag, so check out her blog too. It’s about books and stuff. 😉

Ze Rules

• Choose 5 books!
• Randomly set up your books in order.
• Flip to a random page in the book and write the first two names you see.
• Put the names in the categories listed below in the order you saw them.
• Cry at how screwed you are…

 

Some Books:

1. Lawless by Jeffrey Salane
2. Keeper of the Lost Cities Lodestar by Shannon Messenger
3. Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo
4. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
5. Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

 

The First Person to Die

M from Lawless.

Nope. I don’t see this. M is too slippery to die.

 

The Person You Trip to Get Away From ze Zombies

Cal from Lawless.

Yep, I’d probably trip him to get away. I’d trip quite a number of people to get away.

 

The Person That Trips YOU to Get Away From ze Zombies

Keefe from Lodestar.

Keefe would never trip anyone! To think so is an insult. He would probably go and stand in front of the zombies to buy everyone else a couple extra seconds.

 

The First Person to Turn into a Zombie

Mr. Forkle from Lodestar.

This is probably not true, but I don’t particularly care either way.

 

The Idiot of ze Team

Nikolai from Ruin and Rising.

This is a lie if I’ve ever heard one. Nikolai is the most cunning and calculating character in the book and if anything, he’d be the leader of the team.

 

The Brains of the Team

David from Ruin and Rising.

This is actually the most accurate one thus far. It’s scarily accurate.

David is so smart, he could make anything. He’s totally the brains of the team, but he’d probably get eaten first as well because he has many brains and he is also generally unathletic.

P.S. Haha. Puns. 🙂

 

The Medic

Caeser Flickerman from The Hunger Games.

Hmm. When I was reading The Hunger Games, Ceaser Flickerman never came across as a medic to me…

If he’s the best medic on our team, we’re probably screwed, although I suppose laughter is the best medicine.

 

The Weapons Expert

Peeta from The Hunger Games.

Meh. He’s okay I suppose. I’d leave the weapons stuff to Katniss, but she was not chosen for this tag.

 

The Brawler

Cal from Red Queen.

First, this is a different Cal from the other Cal from Lawless. How interesting that two Cal’s were chosen for this tag.

Second, I’m not entirely sure what “The Brawler” would entitle. I think it’s someone who picks a fight and is good at it, so we’ll just answer this question using that definition.

So according to that definition, I think this is semi-right. Cal would be good in a fight, great perhaps, depending on the opponent, but I don’t think he’d be the one to pick the fight.

 

Ze Leader

Mare from Red Queen.

She’d be a decent leader, but not the best. As I’ve said before, I think Nikolai would be a much better fit for this role.

 

And Because I Can…

If I could assign the roles on my zombie-defeating team instead of fate, here’s how it would be:

First to die: Keefe (But he’s one of my favorite characters of all books ever and this is so sad, but he’d probably still sacrifice himself.)

Person you’d trip: Mr. Forkle (I’m not particularly attached to him.)

Person that trips you: Cal from Lawless

First to turn into a zombie: Caeser Flickerman

Idiot: Mare

The one with brains: David

Medic: M (I don’t think she has any medical experience though. I’d pick Yrene Towers from Tower of Dawn.)

Weapons expert: Cal from Red Queen

Brawler: Peeta (This doesn’t really match. I’d pick Celaena Sardothien from Throne of Glass or Mal from Siege and Storm if I could.)

Leader: Nikolai

 

I’m Tagging…

Plot Monster

Mr and Mrs NW

and whoever else wants to do it.