How to Speak TXT (TXT=Text)

Text Speak is the magical language naturally spoken by Cell Phones and Teenagers. For Teenagers, Text Speak, or txt Speak, is intuitive and as soon as one turns 13, they find themselves starting to use it more than Normal English.

This guide is not for them. This guide is for the Beginner newly introduced to txting (texting). Those who are either children or have reached the age where they’ve started to forget the intricacies of texting.


Once you have become fluent in Text Speak, you should start speaking it in real life, too. Do not limit this language to the Cell Phone. People around you will definitely appreciate you more, instead of laughing at the joke they spent months preparing, you say L-O-L. [Note: Always say each individual letter. Never say lol *shudders*]


Text Speak usually occurs in one of two forms: acronyms or devowelization.

An acronym is when instead of saying/typing an entire phrase, you use the first letters of each of the words in the phrase to make a new word.

For example, LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud.

Super efficient, isn’t it?


Devowelization is when you pull the vowels, which are completely unnecessary, out of a word. [Note: Ignore the fact that this makes the words impossible to pronounce.]

For example, TXT is “Text” without the “e”. [Note: Also ignore the fact that it take more syllables to say “T-X-T” than it does to say “text”]

Efficiency!


Let’s practice translating acronyms.

FHRIIBIARAFNSHA

***

Translation: Freddy’s hamster rolled in its ball into a river and Freddy never saw him again.

How did you do? Awesome, I’m sure. And wasn’t that so much more efficient? The number of letters was significantly reduced.


Now let’s practice translating devowelized phrases.

thts wht frddys mm tld hm nywy. n rl lf, frddys mthr ws ntnsly rttd wth th hmstr, wh ppd n hr brnd nw shs nd sh drnd t n th rvr

***

Translation: That’s what Freddy’s mom told him anyway. In real life, Freddy’s mother was intensely irritated with the hamster, who pooped in her brand new shoes and she drowned it in the river.

Simple, right?


Despite Text Speak becoming unnecessary with the eradication of flip phones, we should all continue to endorse it and use it continuously because it’s doesn’t use nearly as many letters as Normal English and is so much more efficient.


TH ND

 

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A Stream of Thoughts

Hello peoples!

You nonexistent guys seemed to like the previous rambling, so I shall make another one!

This time, the word is…

FLUENT

Hmmm…

I’m learning Spanish right now. Can’t say I’m fluent or even good for that matter. I’m okay with writing it, but quite terrible at speaking unless it is pre-rehearsed. But what kind of person rehearses a conversation? And unless that conversation was with oneself, one could not even truly rehearse something because one wouldn’t know what the second person would potentially say. Unless it was a play, but that is not a conversation really, is it? Is it not a conversation because it is pre-planned?

What makes something a conversation?

Also, is this considered talking to myself? Well, I’m not really talking, I’m typing. And it’s more thinking. So, therefore, can one think to oneself? Or is that just plain thinking? You can’t really think to someone else because that would telepathy, which doesn’t exist outside of the fictional world.

But what if this is thinking to someone else? Because I am typing as I am thinking these words, which means that someone will read them and see what I am thinking.

But that hypothetical reader will read it in the future, not as I am writing it, so then it’s more of leaving a note. Sort of.

I am confusing myself, I will return to “What makes something a conversation?”.

(Was that period supposed to go there? Do I need it? Or is it supposed to just be “‘…conversation?'” with no period? But now I have to keep it like that or else the nonexistent readers will have no idea what this thought is about.)

I am confusing myself, I will return to “What makes something a conversation?”.

The definition of “conversation” according to Dictionary.com:

informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words;oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.

Hah. It says spoken. But I can’t remember what I was originally trying to prove. Hold on, I have to go reread it.

So a conversation is a conversation if it is spoken. So that means reading a script is a conversation. And Mellow Yellow is a conversation. But talking in the comments section with other bloggers is not a conversation. Neither is texting or emailing.

I refuse to accept that definition. When I text Spinette, those are conversations, even though they aren’t spoken. Because if they don’t count, that means Spinette and I have less than two conversations a month.

How do I change this definition?

When does a conversation stop? It starts when you meet someone new, but is changing the topic the same as changing the conversation? Or what if there is a lull in the conversation and no one talks for 2.364 minutes and then they pick back up? Are those two separate conversations or parts to one conversation? And if they’re parts, then is there a minimum number of minutes between parts that dictate the end of one conversation and the start of another? And if there isn’t, then is the moment from the initial meeting with a person the start of a conversation that continues on forever until one of the two dies? And if so, does that mean that Spinette and I have only had one conversation ever?

I’ve pressed the question mark key a lot. Does that mean that when I think, I think mostly in questions? What is the nature of thinking about thinking? That is thinking in itself. Can you think of thinking of thinking of thinking for infinity? It’s all thinking!

Do people from different places think in an accent? Does thinking even have words? This is all relating back to Babies: Some Random Thoughts.

I’m going to stop now before all this thinking blows up my brain.

Grammar: Some Random Thoughts

Grammar is something I’m so-so at. I cannot label all the parts of a sentence and a lot of the finer details fly over my head, but I know enough to get me through writing blog posts without looking like a complete turnip. Although, a lot of my grammar skills come instinctively from reading so much, which probably explains why I can’t do it traditionally by going through millions of rules. (Commence squeaky voice. If this is a verb and that is a subject, then put a semicolon here and here, but not there, because if you put a semicolon there, your will inadvertently blow up the universe.)

But I think that the English language is missing a very important word: a pronoun to go with “person”.

Male is to he

as female is to she

as person is to ?

Often, people will use “their” as the pronoun that goes with “person” to avoid gender bias, but this is technically incorrect because “their” is plural and “person” is not. The correct phrase to use would be “he or she”, but this sounds unnatural and unless you are a very formal person, I doubt you’d use this in everyday language.

Male is to brother

as female is to sister

as person is to sibling

So I am asking you now, dear nonexistent reader, what shall this new word be?