Texting? What’s that?


Do you know what texting is? I’m going to operate under the assumption that you do know what it is because if you don’t, I’ll be forced to ask, “How oblivious can a person be?”

No one actually calls anymore. No, no, no. That’s so old-fashioned. It’s all about texting now. The blipipity-bloop-bloop buttons that are pressed to send sentences to other peeps. Like a faster version of email (email *scoffs*—so passé). Often, the buttons are quite small, resulting in numerous vexing typos.

But like good old snail-mail, one cannot convey emotions through simple text as well as one can through phone calls or *gasp* face-to-face interaction. Thus, the creation of the emoji.

This weekend, Spinette and I were sitting on a couch. We were less than six inches apart and yet we were texting instead of speaking. And the reasoning we used to validate this behavior was the lack of emoji in real life.

I mean, it’s not like you can use your face to display emotion. No, no, no. It’s all about that emoji.

Also, it should be noted that we were at an emoji-themed birthday party.

Keyword = emoji-themed.

Phones, phones, phones.

A Brief Example…

You are eating lunch with Friend A, B, and C. But you are currently texting Friend D, who is not there. You are texting Friend D because Friend A and B are group-chatting with Friend E and Friend C is staring off into space and slightly drooling and you don’t want to deal with that drool. Since no one at your lunch table is talking to you, you begin to text Friend D to entertain yourself and complain about Friend C’s drool.

Later, you are eating dinner with Friend D, but you are texting Friend C to talk about how awesome the restaurant is. Friend D gets bored of you not paying attention to him and goes off to another table to talk to an ex-boyfriend who has just walked into the restaurant.

The Solution…

If only you were to strike up a conversation. Then Friend A and B would stop texting Friend E because, honestly, you’re far more interesting than her. Friend C (whose phone was taken away because she refused to do the dishes) is intrigued by your conversation and joins in, ceasing to drool. Now, the drool problem is solved and you, Friend A, B, and C will all get your daily dose of Real Life Human Interaction.

And later, you can hold a proper conversation with Friend D so he doesn’t wander away and get caught up in the mess that is Ex-Boyfriend.


I am brilliant.

18 thoughts on “Texting? What’s that?

  1. I have this one friend who always looks at her phone instead of me. She only dares to look up when her phone is off-limits or dead. It’s annoying! Can you help me with the murder plans? (For the phone, not the friend)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. While eating lunch, gesture wildly and knock the phone into her milk carton. Or spill milk on her phone. Either way.
      Borrow her phone because yours “ran out of charge,” go to the bathroom, drop it in the toilet, and claim it an accident.
      Or, if you want to avoid blame, frame it on someone else.
      Get someone that you don’t like and convince them that there is a Demon lurking in the phone (after you’ve borrowed it because your phone’s run out of charge). It will be helpful if this person is gullible and/or superstitious. Then hand them a conveniently placed hammer and walk away. Point your friend in the direction of the victim smashing her phone.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. People who constantly have their phone out and text when you see them are so annoying. Strike up a conversation and if they’re still engrossed tell them to put their phone down unless it’s important! And if they don’t, ditch them. Like forever.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, that’s good, because my friends rarely use their phones while we’re together. I was mostly talking about people in general because I’m impressed with people who have the ability to effectively text and walk. This is because even though I am not texting, I will still walk into door frames.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m the same I never ring anyone. I’m always texting and never talking. Think thats the society we will live in now. Nobody looks up at the world anymore they are always looking down at there phones.

    Liked by 1 person

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