Boredom is infectious, there is no doubt about that. Once a single person catches it, it just goes on to someone else, little by little, before the whole place is painted with the expression of “meh”.

As the certified doctor I am, I will diagnose symptoms of this viral disease and finally find an end to the epidemic.

Let’s start with an example:

A group of girls are sitting on a bed. They talk up a storm, singing even with cheeks red, drunk on the fun they are having. Then one girl says she needs to go and eat dinner. Once she comes back, everyone looks at her with jaded, grey and boring expressions while two tap along on their phones and the other is staring blankly at a wall. The girl who went to go eat (let’s call her Spinette) pales, seeing the disease take over her dear friends.

Her eyes dart around the room, searching for the boredom starter. First, her pupils land on the phones resting like kings in two girls’ soft hands. But then she remembers singing a Kpop song with her friend with earbuds and a phone. She looks closer at one of the songs her friends are listening to.

Dean’s instagram. The song details the separation one feels when on his phone from the rest of the world and how miserable he feels. However, Spinette loves the song. Why would it plunge anyone into boredom?

Next, her eyes land on Fishy, the other girl on her phone. She is doing a role-play sort of game that involves long texts of story. Jokingly, Spinette waggles eyebrows and says,”You texting your boyfriend?” She adds an unhinged “rrr” to the sentence to make it extra flirtatious.

“No! I’m doing a role-playing game,” Fishy cries.

“I heard he’s pretty hot.”


“I’m quite jealous,” then she says, “You doing it tonight?”

“Oh Morgan Freeman, Spinette! You need holy water!” She freaks out at my implied statement and throws a post onto Wattpads that I need holy water, whatever that is.

And boredom ensues.

So Spinette keeps on joking, hoping it would take the boredom away, but it doesn’t go, not even after she leaves.

Ever since that incident (which was yesterday) I have been determined to find the root of boredom and cure it.

After extensive research I have discovered that boredom blossoms by routine, by doing something over and over again, or keeping things the same. The two constant things in that bedroom were the Hamilton music playing on the speakers and the arrangement of which we were on the bed. So Trapezoid (one staring at the wall) must have gotten bored by the Hamilton music or the arrangement and that spread onto to Mew (one listening to Dean’s instagram) and that spread onto to Fishy.

But it didn’t spread to me.

I was lying down next Fishy, one of the people infected. I was touching her skin! (She’s really warm) But it didn’t spread.

Maybe it was because I was making jokes. By this logic, joking around, keeping oneself occupied is sort of vaccine. It’s like a flu shot people get at the doctors. You get a flu shot to prevent the flu, not to cure it.

So keep yourself occupied this winter to chase away the boredom!

The Secrets of Santa Claus

Santa Claus may be one of the most mysterious of the holiday figures (including the Easter Bunny, Cupid, etc.). He’s also very popular, considering how many people impersonate him in the winter months. Do you think there are more Elvis Presley or Santa impersonators?

There are some serious plot holes in his story, but that’s to be expected as he’s so mysterious.

Every year on the 25th of December, he manages to accomplish the impossible and travels to every house on the globe whether it is to deliver colorful presents or coal.


I have some theories as to how the jolly red gumdrop does this.

Some theories as to how the jolly red gumdrop travels to every house on the globe in one night:

  1. Santa Claus is secretly The Flash
  2. Santa has the power to clone himself
  3. Santa controls the minds of every parent and forces them to buy presents (or coal) for their children and put them underneath decorated pine trees on midnight on Christmas Eve.


Do you think Santa gets migraines from watching every single kid every single minute of every single day?

And how does he deliver presents in tropical climates without melting in his big red suit?


Another question to consider: How does Santa, a very large man, fit down such small chimneys? Is he actually smaller than people assume? Or can he shrink himself? Or is his large size all a trick of proportions and cameras?

And what does he do when the house doesn’t have a chimney? Climb in the window?

And what if the fireplace is on?