Partying in New York and Other Social Struggles (and a rant about school)

Hello, nonexistent peeps!

So as you may know, I recently went to my cousin’s wedding in New York. The wedding was really different from my other cousin’s wedding in Bangladesh. While the Bangladesh wedding was strictly traditional and tedious, the New York one consisted of three straight days of partying with much alcohol involved. While I don’t enjoy parties (or people in general) I did have fun discovering a new version of people-watching: Drunk people-watching.

The drunken peoples did many, many idiotic things. It was hilarious.

One dude was very, very drunk and he was dancing flopping like a fish out of water. At one point he fell asleep on my cousin’s shoulder, and my cousin just let him stay there. After that, he fell asleep on the floor for a bit before finally sleeping on one of the tables at the banquet hall.

The drunk peoples also wriggled around on the floor doing a “snake dance”.

Before people got overly drunk, there were some social struggles. I was wearing an off-the-shoulder dress at the party, and an older lady touched my shoulder and asked if it was the style or if it was ripped. I usually keep my sarcasm inside my head with strangers, but I was annoyed, so it kinda slipped out and with a little extra bite. I said, “No, it ripped” with an unspoken Of course it’s the style. This is obvious. And it’s rude to ask people if their clothing is torn. *Shrugs* I was feeling mean. And then EVERYONE within earshot gasped. My mom tried to play it off because I had, in fact, just ripped my skirt.

Soon after, I was retrieving my food from the buffet and I was trying to pick up the naan, but I dropped the tongs on the floor. I tried to get the waiter’s attention while the line was growing behind me. The lady behind me told me to just put it on the table. As soon as I exited the line, a new waiter arrived and put the tongs BACK IN THE FOOD.

and I didn’t say anything.

At the actual wedding, I wore a dress that weighed a LOT. I’m certain that if someone weight trained with it, they would grow some serious muscles. (Is that the proper terminology?!) My mom said that I could change out of the dress after a couple hours, but then she accidentally left the normal dress in the car, which was driven away by a valet-dude. But I convinced my mom to let me wear my sneakers with the dress. So people were drunk. Other people got married. One of my cousins asked his wife who she was. One cousin tried to give away his credit card. One person I don’t know was feeding people desserts from a communal spoon. Etc. Many cousins wriggled on the floor pretending to be snakes.

There was also this priest-dude. In the middle of a ceremony, he got a phone call. He talked for fiveish minutes, in the middle of the ceremony. “Yep. Hi. Sup. Yeah, I’m marrying some peeps right now.” And then after the phone call, he started the ceremony over again.


Bonus: A Random, Unrelated Rant.

So yesterday, we got our schedules for school and mine was pretty messed up. They kicked me out of the honors math program and put me in precalculus instead of honors precalculus. This is because I’m doing the class as a tenth grader with eleventh graders and the upperclassmen get priority for honors. Because I’m in regular precalculus, all the honors precalculus homework that I spent the summer doing is now obsolete and the year after, I’ll have to do Calculus AB instead of Calculus BC like the honors kids.

On top of that, instead of a biology class I REALLY wanted, I got health and architectural design, which a super bummer because no one likes health (which I’d planned to do over the summer) and I’m not interested in architecture. So instead of the biology class, which is full, I asked for Physics, but that’s full, too. So then I asked for Spanish 3, but that doesn’t work either. My friends who also wanted the biology class all ended up with Physics. This is awful because I wanted more science.

I am like cookie monster. I want math/science.

GIVE ME.

I’m upset.

Mellow Yellow Episode 14: Lena’s Birthday!

LENA is lonely and wondering if anyone actually remembers her birthday. She sighs, opening her present to herself. It is a sock, although there is only one. She lost the other half of the pair somewhere between buying it in the clearance section and wrapping it.

LENA puts the one sock on her hand. She grabs some googly eyes from her pocket and makes a sock puppet.

JOHN bursts in through the door. He is wearing a banana suit.

JOHN: Never fear! John is here!

LENA: Do you know what day it is today?

JOHN: Yep. It’s Wednesday.

LENA: Yes… but is it a special Wednesday?

JOHN: Uhhhh… I think it might be International Squid Day, but that may have been last week.

JOHN strokes the sock puppet, deep in thought, then looks closer at the puppet.

JOHN: Hey! It has googly eyes! Is it your birthday? You only ever carried googly eyes in your pocket on your birthday.

LENA (looking pleased): Yes it is! I’m now officially seventeen. Did you get me anything?

JOHN: I did, in fact.

JOHN drops to one knee and pulls out a ring box.

JOHN: Lena, will you make me the happiest potato in this room and marry me?

Opens ring box to reveal half eaten pretzel.

LENA looks at JOHN incredulously.

LENA: No.

JOHN hops to his feet.

JOHN: Okay. It was part of the competition to win Bread’s love, anyway. It was to see who can throw the most romantic proposal. I think I’ll get extra points since it was your birthday/Wednesday and my ring was so tasty. I think Zhan is going to propose to Tick. Or possibly her shoe.

 

~~~END

 

Mellow Yellow Episode 13: Wedding Special!

The wedding is just about to start in the Inverse Aquarium, but TICK and TOCK are having problems putting on BREAD SNADWICH’S dress.

TOCK: It’s so slippery! I can’t put it on!

TICK: It’s slipping out of my hands! (tries to keep the salami stable)

QUINN: (on the other side of the door) Is my princess ready yet? The guests are here already! (comes in)

TICK AND TOCK: SORRY!

QUINN: I’ll put it on. Besides, I am her groom, so I should take responsibility!

TICK and TOCK run out, seeing that the billions of guests that have already arrived

 

***

 

ARA: Chloe! You’re here! Now, where is Jay? I want him to die.

CHLOE is hugging herself tightly.

MASTER: YOU ALSO KNOW THE SECRET OF THE BREAD!

 

***

 

With the flashing lights and flying squids, QUINN and BREAD SNADWICH come out. QUINN is also wearing baloney and strips of salami braided into his hair. MANAGER OPPA is throwing confetti on them.

TOCK: Our child is so beautiful in that dress! (cries tears of joy)

TICK is sleeping

TOCK: DON’T YOU WANT TO SEE OUR DAUGHTER GET MARRIED?

JAY (Appearing from nowhere): So you are the bride’s mother? Where is the father?

TOCK points at TICK

CHLOE: She’s cute.

JAY: HOW? WHAT? ARE YOU SURE, MA’AM? SHE LOOKS LIKE YOUR SISTER!

TOCK (annoyed): She is.

*Awkward silence*

 

***

 

ZHAN, JOHN, KYR, and CYRA are sitting at a table together

CYRA: Hello.

ZHAN: Who are you?

CYRA: I’m in the process of finding what hair color suits me. I don’t have an identity until then.

JOHN: Like a K-pop star! (covers mouth)

KYR: John used to be one! He told me everything under that dress at the wedding shop!

CYRA: DANCE FOR US! (Touches his hair)

JOHN: I was a model, not a K-pop star! (starts to dance like a squirrel having seizures)

ATTENDANT starts singing Luna’s I Wish with her pretty voice

Everyone starts crowding around her, leaving JOHN alone. JOHN is relieved

KYR (in the crowd): YEAH! WEIRD METAPHORS!

CYRA (to ATTENDANT): Are you a K-pop star?

ATTENDANT: Yes. (Reveals her true identity as KIM TAEYEON, while singing crazy high notes)

Suddenly everyone stops everything

LENA (wearing a sticky dress): Why do I have to be the usher! (grumbles)

QUINN: Just do it!

LENA: Pfft, fine. (Pauses) Quinn, do you take this beloved bread sandwich as your wife?

QUINN: I do.

LENA: And do you, Bread Snadwich take your beloved, Quinn, as your husband?

BREAD SNADWICH: …. (hey, did you notice this ellipsis has a fourth dot which means it’s an actual ellipsis in Bread language)

The crowd is biting their fingernails. Quinn is eating his hair

BREAD SNADWICH: I—

ZHAN (Dramatically): NO! Stop the wedding! I will not let my bread sandwich go like this!

JOHN: That girl is mine! (filled with rage) Along with the house!

LENA: Um… what house?

MANAGER OPPA falls into chaos and takes TAEYEON with him

TAEYEON (singing): WHHHHHHHHY, WHHHHHHY!

CHARMING: Good morning.

JOHN and ZHAN are in a heated argument.

TOCK: TICK, CAN YOU PLEASE TURN ON THE A.C.?!

CHARMING AND KYR: Improper Grammar! (provides subtitles)

TAEYEON: Annyeonghaseyo!

*Are you at peace? Or “Hello”*

OPPA: How did you speak English so well before?

TAE: I just copied Fany! Bye, English people!

TAEYEON swims to Korea

ZHAN: Wait, where is Korea?

JOHN: Let’s go back to our heated argument!

TOCK: TICK! THE AC! (burning in the midst of the argument)

 

***

 

JAY (On the sidelines): I wanted some squid. At least some!

CHLOE (covered in squids): THEY ARE EATING ME, JAY! GET THEM OFF!

JAY: Yay!

ARA: I’ll save you! (uses Unsticky Act to unstick the squids)

CHLOE (cheery): You are my hero! Let’s get married!

 

***

 

ZHAN: THE BREAD SNADWICH IS MINE!

JOHN: NO! IT’S MINE!

QUINN: I’m pretty sure this supposed to be my wedding!

ZHAN: When you asked me if Bread Snadwich liked birds, a couple of episodes ago, I said no. How do you think I knew?

QUINN: I don’t know. And shouldn’t you get married to Tick’s—

TICK: WHAT! NO!!! I WANT TO GET MARRIED TO MANAGER OPPA!

TOCK: CAN YOU PLEASE TURN ON THE AC! (still in the fire) AND ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME? (the fire flares up)

TICK pours iced milk onto TOCK

JOHN: I’m sorry, Tick, but Manager Oppa just swam to Korea.

TICK (crying): MANAGER OPPA, I WILL MISS YOU!

TOCK: You still have me… (smoking in the remnants of the fire)

TICK is snoring

LENA (to everyone): This wedding is just falling apart! Can’t we just get this over with!? IT’S ABOUT 4.5 PAGES LONG!

Everyone claps at the new world record

MANAGER OPPA: (returns with angel wings) Thank you for the entrance!

MANAGER OPPA: I’m called Manager Oppa for a reason! Let’s get this started! Now, what’s the problem?

QUINN: These heathens are keeping me from getting married!

JOHN and ZHAN glare at him

MANAGER OPPA (With a crafty smile): Let’s prove it! We will see who loves Bread Snadwich the most in an ultimate competition! Whoever Bread Snadwich stays with is the winner!

JOHN: NO! THAT’S NOT POSSIBLE! SHE’S JUST A BREAD, AFTER ALL!

MANAGER OPPA: Strike 1!

 

~~~END

Mellow Yellow Episode 12 1/2: Filler Part 2, The Attendant Special

Due to sympathies felt by the authors, it has been decided that the ATTENDANT will receive more minimal lines to abate her unquenching thirst for the spotlight. Albeit, we will only refer to her as “ATTENDANT” to preserve her anonymity so she is protected from crazed fans and, most importantly, her ego doesn’t grow larger than it already is.

ATTENDANT (to an invisible audience): Oh! I’m so emotional. This is too much… All I can say is….. THANK YOU!

With that, she bursts into song with her surprisingly glorious voice.

ATTENDANT: MASSACHUSETTS GURLS, WE’RE DENIABLE. DULL, OLD, MILD, LIKE ONIONS ON TOP.

KYR and JOHN are the only people still in the store. KYR bursts into applause. JOHN looks aghast at ATTENDANT’S horrible interpretation of the classic song. Although, he must admit, her voice is only second to his own.

MASTER, now a ghost (he has obtained the ability to morph between the two forms), floats through the door and steals a dress for BREAD. It is made of a mixture of bologna and salami, although why a dress like that was in a fancy dress shop and not a deli eludes all.

ATTENDANT: I thought I screamed at you to get out of here!

 

~~~END

Mellow Yellow Episode 11: Preparations

TICK, TOCK, QUINN, MASTER, and LENA are at the store looking for the perfect wedding dress for BREAD SNADWHICH.

TICK: How about this one? (Holds up a wedding gown)

TOCK: Nah. We need a bread sized one, remember? (Looks over shoulder when there is no response)

TICK is curled up on the dress while the ATTENDANT is trying to pull it from under her body.

TOCK: TICK! WAKE UP!

ATTENDANT: You guys are an odd bunch of people…

***

MASTER (just coming out from the bathroom): WOW! THAT WAS GREAT! I FEEL SO RELIEVED! THE AUTHOR USUALLY NEVER LETS ME DO THIS!

Everyone in the store looks at him

MASTER: Whoops…

ATTENDANT (Running up, aggravated): CAN YOU GET YOUR DAUGHTER TO GET OFF THAT DRESS! IT’S A MILLION DOLLARS AND SHE’S DROOLING ON IT!

MASTER: Actually miss, she isn’t my daughter but she is my ex-wife’s father.

ATTENDANT: Can you just get him off!

MASTER: She’s a “her”.

KYR (Crashing through the ceiling): That’s right, ma’am. Please get your grammar right next time!

JOHN (Popping out of a wedding dress): You just came out of the ceiling! So, What’s Up?

MASTER walks away with the freaked-out store ATTENDANT, leaving KYR to deal with JOHN’S sudden appearance in his underwear

***

The CLOCK DUO arrive at the scene

TICK, who is still asleep, is surrounded by mysterious circles created by a purple marker, blood-scented candles, and breadcrumbs. TOCK has a jug of iced milk, ready to pour.

ATTENDANT: AHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!

QUINN (to his fiance): This wedding dress is not as beautiful as you! (to others)  AND WHAT ARE YOU GUYS UP TO?

(I resist to put an awesome pun I’ve created because it sounds quite weird and many people would advise against it)   

TICK: A demonic exorcism, is all! (Pours the iced milk)

ATTENDANT: GET OUT OF THIS STORE!

A snowy egret comes and carries them all out of the store

MASTER is still shopping for french baguette hat, without gluten

ATTENDANT: YOU TOO!

LENA: What about me?

ATTENDANT: YOU ALSO!

LENA: No, I was talking to the author. She didn’t include me at all, even when I was in the store! John and Kyr were dropped in and they weren’t even in the store in the first place!

ATTENDANT: Well this is my last episode and the audience doesn’t even know my name! (cries a waterfall on the dress) And be thankful for your appearances in these things. You might be very important later!

LENA (waving): Bye, Attendant!

QUINN (to LENA: Guess what?

LENA: What?

Quinn: I got you a dress! (Holds up the salty dress drenched in watered-down milk)

~~~END

(JOHN and KYR are playing rock-paper-scissors after being abandoned in the store, if you were wondering. They are hiding under a wedding dress as the ceiling is about to come crashing down.)