Spinette’s Tips for Flirting

Honestly, I could write all about this topic to fill seven dictionary-sized books, but for today, I’ll keep it brief. These quick tips will change your terrible love life to an amazing one in just a single moment! Love is in the air, so on Valentine’s Day being able to make words fly out of your mouth like an angel is advised to get a lifelong partner. Is your love interest about to leave you? Do you want to ask your crush out to the dance? Here is the hub of all your answers!

Tip 1: Make eye contact

This is rule number one! Don’t blink, just stare away. If you do blink make sure you do it one eye at a time, so it comes off as a wink. This is how your love interest knows you’re listening, When they bring up something you’re into in conversation go on and wink or raise your eyebrows. For maximum affect, do the two actions at the same time. Also, when they question your staring make sure to stare even more— they didn’t think your constant eye contact was good enough.

Tip 2: Trap them from the very beginning, throwing a casual pick up line

“Hey hot stuff, you are looking real FINE tonight!”

“I barely know you.”

If your love interest responds with this phrase, that means you are heading in the right direction. This means that the love interest wants to know more of you, and is willing to devote his or her time for you. Do something that will ensure that he or she stays in your company such as sitting on their lap, holding their hand very tightly, or the classic breathing down the neck technique.

Tip 3: Touch those forearms

Touching the forearm is an essential part of the flirting process. Make sure you get in that forearm, that you caress that forearm, that you pet that forearm like it’s your puppy. Go up and down in obvious sweeping motions as you invite the love interest to grab yours. If he/she says yes, this probably means that you are going to get married someday.

“Do you want to touch my forearms?” *sweeping love interest’s forearms*

“Uh…um…yeah, about that, I really need to g—”

“Shh!” *puts finger on his/her mouth* “You’re my puppy now!”

Tip 4: Use metaphor and simile

Remember what your 3rd grade ELA teacher taught you? Here is the time to put it in action. Make sure, like any good compliment, that the flirts are oddly specific. A good example would be:

“Your dress is poofy as a bunch of upturned cupcake wrappers stacked on top of each other!”

Or…

“Your eyes are as green as strawberry flavored American Haribo gummy bears.”

This will make your love interest think that you are an intelligent and poetic person. Also, all the flirty compliments have to be related to food since really that’s your true intention.

Tip 5: Be a cat or dog!

Everyone loves cats and dogs! Adding a cute purr to every sentence, or giving adorable puppy dog eyes will enhance the flirting experience. Once your love interest is about to leave the party, give them a lick to the face.

The Art of Writing Body Language

Body language is very important in books as it makes characters more realistic. If there were no body language, everyone would communicate like crates of semi-rotted apples and be as boring as scarecrows nailed to fence posts.

Many main characters are also extraordinarily amazing at reading body language. They seem to always be discerning loads of information just by looking into one’s eyes. Being mediocre at reading people myself, I think that body language depends more on the eyebrows.

Eyes don’t change all that much anyway. They can look at things, roll, squint, glare, and widen, and that’s about it. In real life, you don’t see a lot of “melting” or “hardening” or “growing cold”. Eyebrows, on the other hand, have a large selection of shapes that they can take, and they all mean something different. They can be furrowed, raised, cocked, scrunched, drooped, lowered, arched, straight, bushy, thin, absent, etc.

Despite being much more useful, I never see eyebrows mentioned in books when referring to body language. Nope, the eyebrows are just overshadowed by the eyes. But I suppose there’s a reason for this. Which of these sentences sounds better to you?

• She looked into his large, depthless eyes, onyx, like the shadows of the velvet darkness encompassing the stars, and saw the deep sadness and weariness behind them.
• She looked at his thick, bushy eyebrows that seemed like caterpillars had taken refuge in his forehead and saw the deep sadness and weariness behind them.