The Early Death of Our Advice Column (And How to Resurrect It)

Hello peeps! It is a sad occasion.

Unfortunately, our advice column, Ask TheWebWeavers, has died before it could grow up. There have been no questions to feed it and it has shriveled up.

Luckily, the corpse is still warm and it can be brought back with a little CPR and some questions.

Will you, dear reader, help save its life?

It only asks for questions. And the questions can be about absolutely anything. The world of curiosity and troubling problems is at your fingertips.

Do you have any questions that need answering? Send them to us through our contact page or in the comments and all your problems will be solved.

Ask TheWebWeavers #1 || The Spider Squisher

Ask The Webweavers #2: Stuck Up Peeps

Ask TheWebWeavers #3 || The Chewer

My Strange Sense of Humor

It is nearly impossible for me to write or say something without at least a twinge of humor in it, but it is quite possible for this subtle humor to fly over someone’s head due to the strangeness of it [joke]. For this post, in every sentence that I write something funny, I will add “[joke]”, so you can be sure you know when to laugh [joke].

Many of my jokes rely on the fact that they make no sense. For example, “The graduating carrot ate a rutabaga the size of a football field” [joke]. (I am figuratively dying of laughter at my own joke right now [joke].) [joke] (The previous joke was the punctuation if you didn’t catch it [joke].) [joke]

Since most of my jokes are ununderstandable [joke], many people in real life, with the exclusion of Spinette, don’t get it, and therefore, don’t laugh at the proper cues.

On the flip side, I usually don’t comprehend their jokes and I don’t laugh at the appropriate times either.

On the other flip side [joke], sometimes I laugh at unintentional jokes, and in these instances, I am the only one laughing. For example, once, in geometry class long ago, we were reviewing volume. The math teacher related the volume of an object to packing boxes and he mentioned that a one-inch squared packing box would be fairly useless. A kid next to me said that one could ship a sugar cube.

I burst out laughing/snorting. Of course, the rest of the class was dead silent and I think the person who said it was dead serious [joke] because he didn’t laugh either. Not even a chuckle.

I, of course [joke], found this to be the funniest thing ever due to the impracticality of shipping a single sugar cube in a one-inch squared packing box and burst into random fits of giggles for the rest of class.

P.S. Something that I find enormously hilarious is saying “Have fun” when someone says that they have to go to the bathroom. It earns me strange looks, but it is great on my part. It’s even funnier when, due to habit, people say, “I will”.

*Maniacal laughter*

A Stream of Thoughts

Hello peoples!

You nonexistent guys seemed to like the previous rambling, so I shall make another one!

This time, the word is…



I’m learning Spanish right now. Can’t say I’m fluent or even good for that matter. I’m okay with writing it, but quite terrible at speaking unless it is pre-rehearsed. But what kind of person rehearses a conversation? And unless that conversation was with oneself, one could not even truly rehearse something because one wouldn’t know what the second person would potentially say. Unless it was a play, but that is not a conversation really, is it? Is it not a conversation because it is pre-planned?

What makes something a conversation?

Also, is this considered talking to myself? Well, I’m not really talking, I’m typing. And it’s more thinking. So, therefore, can one think to oneself? Or is that just plain thinking? You can’t really think to someone else because that would telepathy, which doesn’t exist outside of the fictional world.

But what if this is thinking to someone else? Because I am typing as I am thinking these words, which means that someone will read them and see what I am thinking.

But that hypothetical reader will read it in the future, not as I am writing it, so then it’s more of leaving a note. Sort of.

I am confusing myself, I will return to “What makes something a conversation?”.

(Was that period supposed to go there? Do I need it? Or is it supposed to just be “‘…conversation?'” with no period? But now I have to keep it like that or else the nonexistent readers will have no idea what this thought is about.)

I am confusing myself, I will return to “What makes something a conversation?”.

The definition of “conversation” according to

informal interchange of thoughts, information, etc., by spoken words;oral communication between persons; talk; colloquy.

Hah. It says spoken. But I can’t remember what I was originally trying to prove. Hold on, I have to go reread it.

So a conversation is a conversation if it is spoken. So that means reading a script is a conversation. And Mellow Yellow is a conversation. But talking in the comments section with other bloggers is not a conversation. Neither is texting or emailing.

I refuse to accept that definition. When I text Spinette, those are conversations, even though they aren’t spoken. Because if they don’t count, that means Spinette and I have less than two conversations a month.

How do I change this definition?

When does a conversation stop? It starts when you meet someone new, but is changing the topic the same as changing the conversation? Or what if there is a lull in the conversation and no one talks for 2.364 minutes and then they pick back up? Are those two separate conversations or parts to one conversation? And if they’re parts, then is there a minimum number of minutes between parts that dictate the end of one conversation and the start of another? And if there isn’t, then is the moment from the initial meeting with a person the start of a conversation that continues on forever until one of the two dies? And if so, does that mean that Spinette and I have only had one conversation ever?

I’ve pressed the question mark key a lot. Does that mean that when I think, I think mostly in questions? What is the nature of thinking about thinking? That is thinking in itself. Can you think of thinking of thinking of thinking for infinity? It’s all thinking!

Do people from different places think in an accent? Does thinking even have words? This is all relating back to Babies: Some Random Thoughts.

I’m going to stop now before all this thinking blows up my brain.

A Recent Conversation Between Spinette and Arachnid

The following is a series of texts that Spinette and I participated in. All words have been copied with the consent of the texters.

S =  Spinette

A = Arachnid

S: Hello. You look wonderful today. [May I stress this was a texting conversation.]

A: Thank you.

S: You’re welcome.

A: Yep.

S: How do I look?

A: Green.

S: Does that mean I’m sick?

A: No, it’s a color.

S: Oh… But I’m not usually green. Are you?

A: I’m normally blue.

S: That’s too bad… What the use of being blue?

A: It’s bright.

S: Oh. Well, you didn’t answer my question.

A: What’s the question?

***Seven minutes later***

S: I don’t feel like answering.

A: Was it, “What’s the use of being blue?”. If so, I said it’s bright. If it was, “How do I look?”, I said green. And if it was if you are sick, I said no. And no, I’m not usually green.

S: Then what are you? Purple?

A: Blue.

S: Oh. I’d say you are rather smooth.

A: Okay. Which form of smooth?

S: Smooth. Like smooth.

A: As in “not rough”, or sunglasses smooth?

S: Like “your skin is smooth”. Neh.

A: So “not rough”?

S: Yes.

A: As I thought.

S: You say I look green. Do you like the color green? I like turtles, but not the color green.

A: Depends on the shade. Bye.

S: I would never want to look like a turtle. Bye.