Spinette and I are doing a group blog post! We will be writing this a few sentences at a time with no prior planning.
“Use the mouse, that shiny, cheese-loving mouse, to produce cheesecake,” said the cheese-cake maker’s apprentice, who was highly incompetent. He did not realize that it was a factory that produced cheesecake, not mice. This apprentice was an alligator named Kevin who used an Ab Rocket for exercise each and every day. He did not get any good results, and now, due to his firing from the gym-instructor job, he worked at the cheesecake factory that his Great Aunt Yolanda made from the grime under her toes.
But Kevin was fairly incompetent at everything from being a gym-instructor to working at a cheesecake factory and as a result, he had never been able to keep a steady job.
Suddenly, a large slice of bacon fell on his head.
“Bad Kevin!” Aunt Yolanda dropped another piece of bacon on his snout. This was considered a punishment since bacon is actually fried pig fat that sizzles grossly on a pan, as Kevin’s aunt had explained. Of course, Little Kevin thought that the pigs cooked his childhood hero, Peter Pan.
Kevin shook in fear and ran away to plot his revenge. He crawled into the chimney to think because that was where Satan Claus, who his aunt said was actually Santa Claus many, many, many times, resided. Now he would finally take revenge on all the lies his aunt had pumped into his incompetent brain. He drooled in deep thought.
After an absurdly long period of time, Kevin thought of an idea. He would milk all the mice in the factory to make the next batch of cheesecake! Not only would this take revenge on his Great Aunt, it would also prove her wrong since mice could be used to make cheesecake. He slid down into the fireplace, adamantly setting fire to his pants (since alligators wear pants) and screaming. His drooling stopped the fire as Yolanda sprayed a useless, messy white powder from a round ketchup bottle.
We’ve decided to be done now. Kevin is a lost cause.