For a Mini-Wheats cereal box like me, hugging is pretty hard, and I mean that literally. People are like, “Why are you so hard? I thought tall people were like pillows!”
“That is for reasons unknown,” I say. Then they storm away. (HOH HOH IT RHYMES)
So today, I have made a blog post dedicated to hugs! To start, there are three types of hugs:
1.Side Hugs- These hugs are for the side, obviously.
2. Bear Hugs- These hugs are not for bears specifically but can be used for them. It is most commonly used for germaphobes and Arachnid.
3. Fancy Hugs- These hugs are fancy, for fancy people. They are quite advanced.
I’ll first go over the side hugs! Side hugs are used for movie nights, looking at the sunset, and to trigger awkward situations. These hugs are best for pictures, sitting, and choking your victim to death in a subtle way. Make sure to smell their collarbones to ensure they feel like they have the attention they need. Plus, that may add more ideas for compliments!
Now, for bear hugs. Bear hugs, as I stated before, are for people who enjoy glaring at you and around them, the general public. Like a bear, hunt your buddies down and stalk them. Then go in for the hug! Claw their back or neck for a cool bear-like essence! Be wild! ARRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Finally, last but not least Fancy Hugs! These involve odd weird handshakes, fist bombs , and the occasional kiss on the cheek. They can really be expiremental. For example, if you are a cool skate board guy, you can go with the fist bomb collision, a Captain Hook, and the bumping of the chests. Or if you are foreign FBI agent who wants to create a connection with your pawns, you can start with bear hug combo with a double kiss to leave them disoriented, ready to poison! These hugs are really personalizable and can be used for any situation. So don’t be afraid to try new things! Here are a few things I’ve tried:
Give POI (person of interest) a Back Bear hug, then climb on their back, demanding a piggy back ride even though you are a bear.
A side hug, where your hand is on POI’s shoulder, but the other is secretly braiding their hair. (This is only for boys, sorry iron-men)
Bear hug both of POI’s feet, and leave them with you for the whole social gathering, in one place, enjoying your company. Do not let go, and for an option, lick their shins. Make sure when POI releases yellow nervous liquids pull down their pants and keep it as a memory. Smell it everyday!
(Try the last one. It is truly a life changing experience! I was put in a cage for a two year sentence! Was about to, anyway. Arachnid bailed me out…)