Names and Saying Them

I have the horrible habit of, in my head, calling people by the name of what I think they look like instead of their actual name. For example, there could be a person named Butter, but I think they look more like a Jelly, so I’ll call them Jelly (not out loud, of course).

I’m making an effort to stop. I consciously use their actual names in my head were I to think of them. It’s in that brief moment when you first see someone when things spiral out of my control.

ARACHNID: “Hey, Butter… elly!!”

BUTTER/JELLY glares with the fire of a thousand flaming suns at ARACHNID. ARACHNID spontaneously combusts.

It’s a nightmare when you call one of your closest friends by something other than their name (that is also not an applicable nickname).

Except for a few mortifying instances, this issue thankfully doesn’t occur often because I tend to never use people’s names when I’m talking to them.

PEOPLE: Hey, Arachnid!

ARACHNID: Hi. (Note the lack of “People”)

I never really thought about not-saying-people’s-names until a few weeks ago. I can’t remember what prompted me to think about it. Possibly someone said my name and I thought, Huh. I never say that person’s name. Or maybe I was trying to get someone’s attention and my usual methods were insufficient and I had to scream their name, and it felt awkward in my mouth. When I usually try to grab someone’s attention, I put my sock on my hand, along with googly eyes that are always conveniently located in my pocket, and throw a spectacular puppet show. Sorry, just trying to get your attention, dear reader. Making sure you’re not yet bored out of your mind and simply skimming these words for any sort of emotion to break the predictable mundaneness of daily zombie living. When I usually try to grab someone’s attention, I tap their shoulders. If that fails, I’ll wave my hand obnoxiously in their face or simply give up and flop over like a deflated version of those dancing balloon people thingies outside of car washes.

On the rare occasion that I use someone’s name, I more-often-than-not stumble over it like a bunny leaping over a boulder the size of Mount Everest (I’ve lost track of that simile. OH WELL). It’s not how it looks. I know your name, I really do! Just… AHHHHH. I can pronounce words.

I think the name I stumble the most on is my own. You never really say your own name often, and with such little practice with it, I’m terrible at saying it. I can barely eke out the traditional pronunciation, and even then, I have to repeat it back to you; I can’t come up with it off the top of my head. But, as my name is my own, I get to decide how to say it, right?

Is it A-rack-nid, like a horrible hacking cough, or is it A-rah-ch-nid like that itchy rash?

The main reason I decided to go with a pseudonym (Yes, I’ll admit, it’s a pseudonym. My parents did not actually name me Arachnid Weaver. But I will deny it if you ever ask) is because the name on my birth certificate is a pain to pronounce. It’s not the worst out there, but whenever anyone asks me how to say it, I usually have to repeat it multiple times, and even then, it’s a fifty-fifty shot.

But sometimes even I don’t pronounce it right (according to the pronunciation I prefer. If we go the traditional route, I never say it right).

I was always trying to escape my name. When I was four, I asked my mom why they didn’t name me Golden Girl (I’m glad they didn’t. And, yes, four-year-old-me wanted a superhero name. She didn’t yet realize that they had secret identities. She thought Spider-Man’s parents named him “Spider-Man” as a powerless infant). When I was in kindergarten, I’d occasionally put a name other than mine on my papers (probably a pain for the teacher to sort, but at least I was consistent). When I was ten, I wanted to legally change my name for my birthday (I didn’t).

The Most Hilarious Spam Comments Ever

One of my favorite parts of blogging is getting spam comments. The spam box is a magical place, but be careful that you don’t get lost.


On Stationary Book Tag!

Hi there, every time i used to check web site posts here early in the daylight, since i love to learn more and more.

Hey, there! A tidbit: this blog is up all hours of the day, so you don’t have to wait for the early hours of the daylight for it anymore! And I’m glad my educational posts are helping you learn more.

 

On Stationary Book Tag!

It is truly a great and useful piece of info.
I am happy that you simply shared this useful information with us.
Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.

You’re welcome.

 

On Awesome Blogger Award

Expert wopdworkers write the shrt articles in the publication.

Does that mean I”m an expert wopdworker? I’m so proud.

 

On Awesome Blogger Award

Hi there colleagues, how is all, and what you wish for to say concerning this piece of writing, in my view its truly
amazing for me.

All is good. I wish to say thank you.

 

On Awesome Blogger Award

Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve be mindful your
stuff prior to and you’re simply too fantastic. I actually like what
you’ve obtained here, really like what you are saying and the way during which you say it.
You are making it enjoyable and you continue to take care
of to keep it smart. I can’t wait to learn far more from you.
This is really a tremendous web site.

Aww, thanks, man.


Read More:

Hilarious Spam Comments To Laugh At

One of the more unfortunate parts of running a blog is getting spam comments. They’re annoying and idiotic and sometimes they just make you mad. But sometimes they’re so ridiculous that you can’t help but laugh.


From ‘Online Casino Arizona’ on Mini Book Reviews

Use red, white and blue yarns to generate a crochet stuffed
animal horse by using these free training systems. Time for
start believing it and try it out for personally.

Thanks “Online Casino Arizona”! How did you know that since birth, I’ve wanted nothing more than to generate a crochet stuffed animal horse? This is exactly what I needed. One question though. I want to use gold and silver yarn, and maybe even twine. Do you still have free training systems for that? I can’t wait to start believing in my brand new, home-made crochet stuffed animal horse.


On My Name in TBR Books Tag

Want something earn $$ for free? See to this cool company. Only here choice of games for every taste and completely free! They immediately send you your winnings any winnings, try now!

OOO. Free money! There’s no way that this definitely-not-shady company could be a scam because they said themselves that they “immediately send you your winnings any winnings”.


Every weekend i used to visit this website, as i want enjoyment,
since this this web page conations genuinely fastidious funny data too.

I didn’t get the second part because I believe you’re using the wrong words, but thank you anyway. And I’m glad you found enjoyment in this website.


On Spring Cleaning Book Tag

Thank you for any other fantastic article. The place else could anybody get that kind of information in such
a perfect approach of writing? I’ve a presentation next
week, and I’m at the search for such information.

Thanks for saying that my writing approach is perfect! [So are we all just ignoring how it’s probably riddled with grammar errors? (Some of which are on purpose because I disagree with a few particular grammar rules.)] And I’m honored that you’re giving a presentation on my Spring Cleaning Book Tag.


On Harry Potter Book Tag

Hi. I see that you don’t update your site too often. I know that writing posts is boring and time consuming.
But did you know that there is a tool that allows you to create new posts using existing content (from article directories or
other websites from your niche)? And it does it very well.
The new posts are high quality and pass the copyscape test.
You should try *******’s tools

I think updating my site five times a week is pretty often, but to each their own, I suppose. And while writing posts is time-consuming, it’s definitely not boring in the slightest (although editing is).

And I’m pretty sure that your tool is against copyright laws.


On Solving All Your Stupid Problems Part 2

you might be doing such a wonderful job.

And you might be giving such a wonderful compliment.


Clearly, these people need to be educated on the finer points of grammar.

 

Read More:

The Funniest Spam Comments

Interesting and Nonsensical Spam Comments

The Wrong Way to Wave

There is only one successful way to wave. You wave at Target Person and Target Person waves back. Your mission is complete. Congratulations.

Unfortunately, there are a lot more ways to fail spectacularly at waving. Fortunately, these failures are often quite amusing (for unattached observers. Definitely not amusing for all parties involved. Mortifying for them).

  1. When you think someone’s waving at you, but they’re actually waving at the person behind you.
    • You were having an awful day (You spilled orange juice all over your jeans, and no matter where you go, people kept asking if you peed your pants), but the cheerful wave from your acquaintance turned your day around. At least someone is happy to see you. You excitedly start to wave back when you notice that your acquaintance is looking at their friend, who is behind you and waving nonchalantly. They also have dry pants. You awkwardly put your hand in your hair like that’s what you meant to do the entire time.
  2. When you think that someone is waving at the person behind you, but they are actually waving at you.
    • You are walking down the hall, deep in thought, when you see an acquaintance of yours in your peripheral vision waving vigorously. As you have low self-esteem, you conclude that no sane person would purposefully wave at you and they must be waving at the person behind you. Having reached this conclusion, you dutifully ignore you acquaintance, allowing the person behind you freely wave without a doubt as to whether they are being waved at. As you continue down the hall, you see your acquaintance’s face fall and they burst into tears. You surreptitiously glance behind you. Did the Target Person not see you acquaintance waving? The hallway is empty. They were waving at you. They are now weeping excessively because of you and now you are weeping excessively because of how guilty you are.
  3. When you wave at someone, but the person behind them waves at you.
    • You are walking down the hall when you see one of your friends. You wave enthusiastically, but they are reading and walking (which is inadvisable) and they don’t see you. A distant acquaintance (you went to kindergarten together, but you haven’t spoken since, although you do acknowledge each other’s existence occasionally), on the other hand, does see you and is waving back at you. Instinctively, you awkwardly wave again, a grimace on your face because of your hand’s betrayal.
  4. When you wave at someone, but they don’t see you.
    • You are walking down the hall when you see one of your friends. You wave enthusiastically, but they are reading and walking (which is inadvisable) and they don’t see you. You awkwardly put your hand in your hair like that’s what you meant to do the entire time.
  5. When you pretend to wave at someone so people don’t think you’re lonely.
    • This one really doesn’t need an explanation.

Stop Interrupting The Reader

The Ultimate Reader Problem. My brother does this and annoys me to no end. I’ll tell him, “I’m reading now” and he’ll consistently respond with “Okay” and then he’ll just keep talking and talking and talking.

Morgana´s Book Box

Being interrupted while reading – There´s nothing more aggravating.

I actually hate when someone interrupts me in my moment of peace, solitude, escape.

Not only do I read because I like to read, I also read because reading takes me away from the one thing I want to get away from: Stress or life in general.

The feeling of diving into a new world and being able to envision a life I wish existed is something magical. When I´m into a story I´m truly invested. When someone comes and does the unthinkable…. I, then, also want to do the unthinkable.

But I don´t. All I do is throw nasty glares or annoyed faces or raise an eyebrow. Nothing helps, though. Some people can´t take a hint. Or, they don´t want to.

throughout the years I´ve come up with different strategies on how to avoid being ripped away from my reading session…

View original post 1,174 more words

Ask The Webweavers #2: Stuck Up Peeps

So Sophia Ismaa Writes sent Arachnid this question: Is there a friendly way to deal with selfish, self-obsessed people? I tend to be blunt, but I want to learn how to do it in a more sensitive manner.

Arachnid got stumped on this one due to her lack of experience in being nice, so I stepped in for her.

The age-old question: How do you deal with selfish people?

Personally, I would ditch them, but if you want them to really be your friend, then I suggest these things:

1. Stop doing things for them.

This may seem harsh, but by not doing those little “favors” for them, you take away their intentions of using you just for attention. Instead of helping said selfish person to pick out clothes when shopping, focus on yourself. Ask them (nicely) if a dress is in your style and then maybe go on a tangent about things that both of you enjoy. By doing this you take away their need to talk about themselves.

2. Don’t become selfish yourself

By being around selfish people, you may contract some selfish traits, so be wary. Continue to be nice to them, but only as far off friends (like that uncle you see only once every decade) and try to avoid them and their selfish ways.

3. Remind them (gently) that the world does not revolve around them.

Sometimes, selfish people get so caught up in themselves that they forget other people are around them. This is a dangerous territory; it may make you feel like saying, “You only care about yourself! Why don’t you care about me?” Beware of this. Instead of reminding them in this way, simply tap their shoulder and change the subject like so, “Hey, (insert selfish person here). I have something that I want to talk about. Do you care to listen?” If this person is polite and realizes his or her wrongdoings, then he/she should say yes.

If he/she refuses and just keeps blabbering about him/herself then I recommend calling him/her a shellfish, throwing shrimp and various soft prawns in his/her’s face and then running out the back door.


Do you have any questions that need answering? Send them to Ask TheWebWeavers using the Contact Page. Please specify if you want your letter to be anonymous. If you want the world to know who you are (otherwise known as this small corner of the internet), we’ll add a link to your blog to help spread the love.

Surviving a Social Gathering

Dear nonexistent readers,

Due to the impending doom and sneaky approach of midterms, it seems as though the days have inexplicably shrunk.

Apologies to all who have been here long enough to have read this post before, but I will be reposting an old post.

Social Gatherings are horrible events that make me want to tear out Spinette’s hair stressful. Every so often, Spinette will force me to attend a Social Gathering. I think that she does it to assure people that I am not yet dead.

On the rare occasion on which I absolutely must attend a Social Gathering, I do my best to retain my sanity. I normally try to weasel my way out of them, but Spinette has learned most of my tricks. Once, on the day of a particularly dreadful Social Gathering, I poisoned myself, but Spinette still dragged me to that horrible child’s birthday party.

So, for those of you nonexistent readers who do not completely adore Social Gatherings, I have created a surefire guide to surviving (and hopefully avoiding) Social Gatherings following the colon:

Step 1: The best way to survive a Social Gathering is to not attend it in the first place. Make any and all excuses you must, but get out of it at any cost! If you fail this step, continue to Step 2, but if you succeed, congratulations, because you are done.

Step 2: If you have failed Step 1, then you will sadly have to attend the Social Gathering, but fear not, as it is most likely that you may be able to survive the night if you follow my steps word-for-word. At most Social Gatherings, people will attempt to approach you. Avoid this if possible. I’ve found the best way to do this is to immediately go the snack table upon arriving at the Social Gathering. Take a glass of fruit punch or other liquid from said snack table and go sit in a shadowy location that is out of the way. Glare at anyone who gets within glaring distance and do your best to look generally unfriendly. It is good to wear black (or dark, dark, dark gray if black is unavailable) to Social Gatherings to better blend into the shadows.

Step 3: If one unlucky soul happens to bypass your shadow-esque clothing, glares, and generally unfriendly aura, he or she might attempt to communicate with you. Be prepared for this! You do not want to be rude, as being rude is rude, so you can’t blatantly tell your visitor that you hate his or her presence and to go away (no matter how much you may want to) because that is rude. Bite your tongue if you must! I’ve found the best way to drive off people who wish to communicate with you is to tune out of the conversation. If you do not add anything to the conversation, they will (hopefully) eventually run out of things to say and leave you alone like you wanted in the first place. Give a vague nod now or then to give the sense that you are participating in the conversation. Personally, I find the best way to spend the time that your visitor is speaking is to imagine elaborate ways to murder your visitor. It always brings a smile to my face. If your visitor (unfortunately) happens to be one of those people who can hold one-sided conversations for hours, then it is alright to drift away when you feel it is necessary. I can assure you that this is still polite as otherwise your visitor may have been murdered.

Step 4: Leave the Social Gathering as soon as it is acceptable! (Unfortunately for me, it is only “acceptable” for me to leave the Social Gathering when Spinette does, so we are often the last two left.)

If you have survived this far, congratulations for surviving an entire (or partial) Social Gathering and doing so without dying or causing death!

 

Check out Spinette’s take on Social Gatherings @ Savoring a Social Gathering!

A Recent Conversation Between Spinette and Arachnid

The following is a series of texts that Spinette and I participated in. All words have been copied with the consent of the texters.

S =  Spinette

A = Arachnid

S: Hello. You look wonderful today. [May I stress this was a texting conversation.]

A: Thank you.

S: You’re welcome.

A: Yep.

S: How do I look?

A: Green.

S: Does that mean I’m sick?

A: No, it’s a color.

S: Oh… But I’m not usually green. Are you?

A: I’m normally blue.

S: That’s too bad… What the use of being blue?

A: It’s bright.

S: Oh. Well, you didn’t answer my question.

A: What’s the question?

***Seven minutes later***

S: I don’t feel like answering.

A: Was it, “What’s the use of being blue?”. If so, I said it’s bright. If it was, “How do I look?”, I said green. And if it was if you are sick, I said no. And no, I’m not usually green.

S: Then what are you? Purple?

A: Blue.

S: Oh. I’d say you are rather smooth.

A: Okay. Which form of smooth?

S: Smooth. Like smooth.

A: As in “not rough”, or sunglasses smooth?

S: Like “your skin is smooth”. Neh.

A: So “not rough”?

S: Yes.

A: As I thought.

S: You say I look green. Do you like the color green? I like turtles, but not the color green.

A: Depends on the shade. Bye.

S: I would never want to look like a turtle. Bye.

Surviving a Social Gathering

Social Gatherings are horrible events that make me want to tear out Spinette’s hair stressful. Every so often, Spinette will force me to attend a Social Gathering. I think that she does it to assure people that I am not yet dead.

On the rare occasion on which I absolutely must attend a Social Gathering, I do my best to retain my sanity. I normally try to weasel my way out of them, but Spinette has learned most of my tricks. Once, on the day of a particularly dreadful Social Gathering, I poisoned myself, but Spinette still dragged me to that horrible child’s birthday party.

So, for those of you nonexistent readers who do not completely adore Social Gatherings, I have created a surefire guide to surviving (and hopefully avoiding) Social Gatherings following the colon:

Step 1: The best way to survive a Social Gathering is to not attend it in the first place. Make any and all excuses you must, but get out of it at any cost! If you fail this step, continue to Step 2, but if you succeed, congratulations, because you are done.

Step 2: If you have failed Step 1, then you will sadly have to attend the Social Gathering, but fear not, as it is most likely that you may be able to survive the night if you follow my steps word-for-word. At most Social Gatherings, people will attempt to approach you. Avoid this if possible. I’ve found the best way to do this is to immediately go the snack table upon arriving at the Social Gathering. Take a glass of fruit punch or other liquid from said snack table and go sit in a shadowy location that is out of the way. Glare at anyone who gets within glaring distance and do your best to look generally unfriendly. It is good to wear black (or dark, dark, dark gray if black is unavailable) to Social Gatherings to better blend into the shadows.

Step 3: If one unlucky soul happens to bypass your shadow-esque clothing, glares, and generally unfriendly aura, he or she might attempt to communicate with you. Be prepared for this! You do not want to be rude, as being rude is rude, so you can’t blatantly tell your visitor that you hate his or her presence and to go away no matter how much you may want to because that is rude. Bite your tongue if you must! I’ve found the best way to drive off people who wish to communicate with you is to tune out of the conversation. If you do not add anything to the conversation, they will (hopefully) eventually run out of things to say and leave you alone like you wanted int he first place. Give a vague nod now or then to give the sense that you are participating in the conversation. Personally, I find the best way to spend the time that your visitor is speaking is to imagine elaborate ways to murder your visitor. It always brings a smile to my face. If your visitor (unfortunately) happens to be one of those people who can hold one-sided conversations for hours, then it is alright to drift away when you feel it is necessary. I can assure you that this is still polite as otherwise your visitor may have been murdered.

Step 4: Leave the Social Gathering as soon as it is acceptable! (Unfortunately for me, it is only “acceptable” for me to leave the Social Gathering when Spinette does, so we are often the last two left.)

If you have survived this far, congratulations for surviving an entire (or partial) Social Gathering and doing so without dying or causing death!