Dear World, Originally I was going to post about some of my favorite music, but I changed my mind due to current events in our world today. On Wednesday the 14th, a former student of Parker High School, Nikolas Cruz, started shooting at his school. There were 17 dead, and many more in the hospital. […]
Honestly, I could write all about this topic to fill seven dictionary-sized books, but for today, I’ll keep it brief. These quick tips will change your terrible love life to an amazing one in just a single moment! Love is in the air, so on Valentine’s Day being able to make words fly out of your mouth like an angel is advised to get a lifelong partner. Is your love interest about to leave you? Do you want to ask your crush out to the dance? Here is the hub of all your answers!
Tip 1: Make eye contact
This is rule number one! Don’t blink, just stare away. If you do blink make sure you do it one eye at a time, so it comes off as a wink. This is how your love interest knows you’re listening, When they bring up something you’re into in conversation go on and wink or raise your eyebrows. For maximum affect, do the two actions at the same time. Also, when they question your staring make sure to stare even more— they didn’t think your constant eye contact was good enough.
Tip 2: Trap them from the very beginning, throwing a casual pick up line
“Hey hot stuff, you are looking real FINE tonight!”
“I barely know you.”
If your love interest responds with this phrase, that means you are heading in the right direction. This means that the love interest wants to know more of you, and is willing to devote his or her time for you. Do something that will ensure that he or she stays in your company such as sitting on their lap, holding their hand very tightly, or the classic breathing down the neck technique.
Tip 3: Touch those forearms
Touching the forearm is an essential part of the flirting process. Make sure you get in that forearm, that you caress that forearm, that you pet that forearm like it’s your puppy. Go up and down in obvious sweeping motions as you invite the love interest to grab yours. If he/she says yes, this probably means that you are going to get married someday.
“Do you want to touch my forearms?” *sweeping love interest’s forearms*
“Uh…um…yeah, about that, I really need to g—”
“Shh!” *puts finger on his/her mouth* “You’re my puppy now!”
Tip 4: Use metaphor and simile
Remember what your 3rd grade ELA teacher taught you? Here is the time to put it in action. Make sure, like any good compliment, that the flirts are oddly specific. A good example would be:
“Your dress is poofy as a bunch of upturned cupcake wrappers stacked on top of each other!”
“Your eyes are as green as strawberry flavored American Haribo gummy bears.”
This will make your love interest think that you are an intelligent and poetic person. Also, all the flirty compliments have to be related to food since really that’s your true intention.
Tip 5: Be a cat or dog!
Everyone loves cats and dogs! Adding a cute purr to every sentence, or giving adorable puppy dog eyes will enhance the flirting experience. Once your love interest is about to leave the party, give them a lick to the face.
Today (actually yesterday), I wrote a story based off of and including eight randomly generated words. The story took a very odd turn.
So here are the eight words:
bucket ~ first on the bucket list!
miniature~ yay! cute things!
summon~ the first thing I think of is an exorcism.
herbs~ pickle, pineapple, strawberry!
beg~ so it’s gonna be about a poor street rat.
shoes ~ red heels have such a lovely aesthetic to them.
purring~ meow, meow.
seduce ~ I’m going to have fun with this one!
It’s Kind of like Cinderella!
“Oh, Maria!” Kara’s cheeks lowered into a fiery bliss, “Look at these new shoes!”
Maria watched her go tap tap with her heels in moonlight, enjoying the sliding reflection on the tips, but even more so the toes tucked inside them. She sighed hollowly; the sight of her feet was enough to seduce her.
Cautiously, Maria took her hands and brushed them against the shoe, noting the pure quality of plastic but also the mere millimeter she was away from touching Kara’s ankles. She could feel herself heating up already, desire welling up in her veins. All she would have to do is lower the bucket.
“Do you like them?” Kara purred softly.
Maria blinked twice. Surely she was imagining things, since her friend never was this appealing before. Was it her perfect feet summoning her? Those baby-like miniature red nails?
“It’s nice,” was all Maria managed to say.
It was as if the stars of Paris, France were ready to supernova in her chest. Her thumb teetered on the edge of the plastic just about ready to touch Kara’s skin, to build a portal to unlimited toe grazing. Oh my, Maria thought in pleasure, I just need to move my finger! Why won’t it move!
Kara stepped away to look at the stars above them, grinning, “It’s so pretty out here.”
Maria’s hands clenched the brick bench she was sitting on, a cold, hard floor to bring her back to reality. Still, the girl hoped, taking on this idiom she learned recently, If it’s called being between a rock and a hard place, where is the rock? The flame of desire didn’t go out yet; Maria would do anything to touch those feet.
For some odd reason, Kara’s voice seemed more poetic rather than the usual squeal, “I know this is weird, but can you…” A clumsy poet begging for money, but the nonetheless, she continued, “give me your…”
“What?” Maria questioned. Did she want to swap shoes? Jackpot!
“…Your feet?” Kara’s face beamed bright pink, “Please! I know it’s weird! I just want to touch them, maybe take a picture? Just for a bit!” she begged.
A new fresh-herb confidence waded over Maria as she kicked off her tennis shoes, stomping to her goal. She gently took off her friend’s heels, placing them on the cement, making sure to caress the undersides of her toenails while she was at it. Kara gave her private smile, urging her to go ahead.
For a Mini-Wheats cereal box like me, hugging is pretty hard, and I mean that literally. People are like, “Why are you so hard? I thought tall people were like pillows!”
“That is for reasons unknown,” I say. Then they storm away. (HOH HOH IT RHYMES)
So today, I have made a blog post dedicated to hugs! To start, there are three types of hugs:
1.Side Hugs- These hugs are for the side, obviously.
2. Bear Hugs- These hugs are not for bears specifically but can be used for them. It is most commonly used for germaphobes and Arachnid.
3. Fancy Hugs- These hugs are fancy, for fancy people. They are quite advanced.
I’ll first go over the side hugs! Side hugs are used for movie nights, looking at the sunset, and to trigger awkward situations. These hugs are best for pictures, sitting, and choking your victim to death in a subtle way. Make sure to smell their collarbones to ensure they feel like they have the attention they need. Plus, that may add more ideas for compliments!
Now, for bear hugs. Bear hugs, as I stated before, are for people who enjoy glaring at you and around them, the general public. Like a bear, hunt your buddies down and stalk them. Then go in for the hug! Claw their back or neck for a cool bear-like essence! Be wild! ARRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Finally, last but not least Fancy Hugs! These involve odd weird handshakes, fist bombs , and the occasional kiss on the cheek. They can really be expiremental. For example, if you are a cool skate board guy, you can go with the fist bomb collision, a Captain Hook, and the bumping of the chests. Or if you are foreign FBI agent who wants to create a connection with your pawns, you can start with bear hug combo with a double kiss to leave them disoriented, ready to poison! These hugs are really personalizable and can be used for any situation. So don’t be afraid to try new things! Here are a few things I’ve tried:
Give POI (person of interest) a Back Bear hug, then climb on their back, demanding a piggy back ride even though you are a bear.
A side hug, where your hand is on POI’s shoulder, but the other is secretly braiding their hair. (This is only for boys, sorry iron-men)
Bear hug both of POI’s feet, and leave them with you for the whole social gathering, in one place, enjoying your company. Do not let go, and for an option, lick their shins. Make sure when POI releases yellow nervous liquids pull down their pants and keep it as a memory. Smell it everyday!
(Try the last one. It is truly a life changing experience! I was put in a cage for a two year sentence! Was about to, anyway. Arachnid bailed me out…)
Dogs here. Dogs there. Dogs drooling on your shoe. Dogs everywhere.
Whenever I see a dog on the street, I follow my instinct-like urges to pet such cuteness, but always get a scar on some part of my body. Dogs hate me, but I love them back. It is somewhat sad that this phenomenon reminds me of my friendship with Arachnid.
Here are the stages of my relationship with dogs:
1.An elderly man (or woman) is walking down the street with an adorable dog (or dogs).
2. I swoon over DOI (dog of interest) looking at him with heart eyes, stating how adorable the dog is. This goes on for a couple of minutes.
3. I ask the elderly man (or woman) to pet her dog.
4. The owner looks at me with a lovesick sideways glance, and I repeat that I want to pet the dog, not the owner.
5. The elderly man (or woman) says, “Just pet him/her! You’ve been stalking me for hours!” (Or some other variant of the saying)
6. I pet the dog, savoring the feeling of the fluffy fur on my hands. I take some fur because I want to remember this experience forever, and proceed to walk away.
7. Then the dog bites me.
8. I feel hurt, but again, this could just be a failed sign of companionship, so I show him the proper way.
9. The elderly man (woman) gawks at me, wondering how I could master the art of dog speaking so fluently. He (or she) asks me, “What are you doing with my dog?” He (or she) is clearly jealous of the love I’m giving to his (or her) dog.
10. “Oh,” I say this the same exact way every time, “I love you, too,” Then I pat the jealous owner on the head and leave.
To be honest, I think no attention goes to the jealous dog owners. Arachnid says that taking care of dogs is a struggle, unlike her poky cactuses who don’t require much food or water to survive (this is said for both Arachnid and her cactuses). Dog owners are hardworking people, keeping a new hassle in the house just because he/she is cute and does cool tricks. So next time you spot a dog owner, make sure to give him (or her) a little pat on the head too! They really deserve it!