Sorry, I’ve been gone for a long time. A LOOOOOOOOONG time.
I was fingerless after the keyboard amoebas ate my hands. It was quite the predicament. The injury hurt so much that I couldn’t eat my favourite cereal with my hands soaking in milk anymore, I was unable to draw, unable blog, and did I mention, I couldn’t consume the tastiest, liquidy cereal barehanded any longer? It was insane, spiders!
I tried to find a solution. I went to all the palm readers, tattooists and mimes I could find, but they all stayed silent despite my troubles. It was my life’s quest to get my hands back. Then it hit me!
After a long time of thinking, and a long time of panicking, I decided to go find a unicorn slave.
But then I realized they had hooves. Not fingers.
Now, I have a fish typing for me. It’s much more efficient, since, you know, everyone knows that fish have eight typing tentacles which they crawl with.
Wait a minute…
My slave has informed me that she is my pet spider. I am sincerely sorry; I don’t live around too many species.
She just angrily jumped on the keyboard, while claiming that I’ve been with her for about ten years or so.
Oh! She just told me this is a private matter and to not have me dictate any about anymore. “A blog should be a connection between the author and reader,” she says, “without a MIDDLE MAN.”
I don’t know what she’s talking about. Men with average heights are great! Women are too.
So readers, if you have painfully average height, it’s not as painful as my late onset shortness. (I had carpet amoebas the other day.)
And remember, dear blog scanners, stay away from amoebas!