You should definitely take showers, not baths. There’s the obvious reason, with showers using much less water than baths (which is a very good reason to take showers. Save the environment!), and then there are the overlooked reasons as to why you should never take a bath.

Have you, dear nonexistent reader, ever really thought about what a bath truly is? It is soaking in your own pool of filth. Sitting for possibly hours, even days, as your grime floats around you. Does this mean that when you eventually exit the tub you will be just as dirty as when you entered the tub? Does this mean that a person who has only ever taken baths in their life has never properly gotten impeccably clean?

And if you’re like me and you like extremely hot self-cleaning episodes, you would likely take an extremely hot bath as well (assuming you don’t prefer boiling showers and icy baths). Does this mean that you are cooking yourself in a soup consisting of yourself and your filth?

And if this is indeed the case, it means that if you were ever in a boiling communal bathing location (otherwise known as a “hot tub”), that you are cooking yourself, along with your closest friends or closest strangers (in this instance, “closest” is referring to the distance between yourself and the strangers with whom you are sharing the boiling communal bathing location with.) into a large quantity of soup.

Hmm. Maybe I’ll make some broccoli-cheddar soup in my bathtub tomorrow…