Greta Thinks She’s A Labrador Retriever

I need a Greta. (I’ve finally repotted Sergeant Spike!)

Remember when you were first in love and the idea of taking a shower together seemed like such a romantic thing to do? That is until you realized that only one person could get under the shower head at a time. Plus, there really wasn’t enough room and soapy elbows polked soapy “insert your favorite […]

via Greta Thinks She’s A Labrador Retriever — Everyone Else Has the Best Titles


Dogs here. Dogs there. Dogs drooling on your shoe. Dogs everywhere.

Whenever I see a dog on the street, I follow my instinct-like urges to pet such cuteness, but always get a scar on some part of my body. Dogs hate me, but I love them back. It is somewhat sad that this phenomenon reminds me of my friendship with Arachnid.

Here are the stages of my relationship with dogs:

1.An elderly man (or woman) is walking down the street with an adorable dog (or dogs).

2. I swoon over DOI (dog of interest) looking at him with heart eyes, stating how adorable the dog is. This goes on for a couple of minutes.

3. I ask the elderly man (or woman) to pet her dog.

4. The owner looks at me with a lovesick sideways glance, and I repeat that I want to pet the dog, not the owner.

5. The elderly man (or woman) says, “Just pet him/her! You’ve been stalking me for hours!” (Or some other variant of the saying)

6. I pet the dog, savoring the feeling of the fluffy fur on my hands. I take some fur because I want to remember this experience forever, and proceed to walk away.

7. Then the dog bites me.

8. I feel hurt, but again, this could just be a failed sign of companionship, so I show him the proper way.

9. The elderly man (woman) gawks at me, wondering how I could master the art of dog speaking so fluently. He (or she) asks me, “What are you doing with my dog?” He (or she) is clearly jealous of the love I’m giving to his (or her) dog.

10. “Oh,” I say this the same exact way every time, “I love you, too,” Then I pat the jealous owner on the head and leave.

To be honest, I think no attention goes to the jealous dog owners. Arachnid says that taking care of dogs is a struggle, unlike her poky cactuses who don’t require much food or water to survive (this is said for both Arachnid and her cactuses). Dog owners are hardworking people, keeping a new hassle in the house just because he/she is cute and does cool tricks. So next time you spot a dog owner, make sure to give him (or her) a little pat on the head too! They really deserve it!