So last Monday, my cousin’s wife had a baby. I didn’t know she was pregnant.
Sure, big families can be fun with the endless stream of people who are obligated to like you. But they can also be a burden.
When you near forty cousins, there’s a problem. Many problems, in fact. Such as no one telling you that one of them is having a baby. And not being able to remember said baby’s name.
One day your mom will tell you that one of your closest cousin’s has a new wife (He got married?!) or is having another baby (He’s married?!).
And you can never remember a week later that they got married or had a baby.
Or sometimes you’ll be at a party and some random stranger will come up to you and the following conversation will ensue:
Stranger: Hey, Arachnid! I’m your aunt! I saw you when you were three.
You used to run around without clothes on. Remember?
Arachnid: Oh, hey…yeah. I totally remember that. You’re my favorite relative! How could I possibly forget you? Uhh… Remind me how we’re related?
*Stranger that claims she is your relative holds out her arms for a hug.*
Arachnid (Thinking): Who in the blobfish is this random dude? I’m supposed to HUG her?!
*Arachnid awkwardly shakes the stranger’s hand*
I often have difficulties remembering all the members of the Weaver family (There are so many!). I ask my parents beforehand whenever we go to visit family. I still can never remember their names, though.
Most of my cousins are a lot older than me, and they’re all getting married (I’m going to go off on a little tangent about arranged marriages now. One of my cousins is getting married this summer. It was arranged. They talked on Facebook for NINE DAYS when he proposed to her. And she said yes. THEY HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON. *Ultimate face-palm. Face-palm so hard I accidentally decapitate myself*) And my cousins are all getting married to people with even BIGGER families and then I have to learn all of their names.
A couple months ago, a large portion of my family went to my dad’s brother’s son’s son’s first birthday party. One of my cousin’s friends came to the party and he asked my cousin how he was related to the Birthday Boy.
Friend: How are you guys related?
Cousin: Uhh… He’s my mother’s sister’s husband’s brother’s son’s son.
I need to make a flowchart or something to keep track of everyone.
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