Ask TheWebWeavers #1 || The Spider Squisher

Welcome one, welcome all, to our brand new advice column, Ask TheWebWeavers!

Our first question is from mainepaperpusher. This one is hypothetical.

Dear WebWeavers, Thank you for helping me with this problem. My boyfriend keeps telling me to squish spiders because he thinks they are creepy but I think they are good luck. What should I do?

I think that you should break up with your boyfriend immediately. Even if he is just suggesting that the spiders be squished and has not actually squished any spiders, even the thought of the act is despicable and cannot be forgiven.

But, I know that people tend to be attached to their boyfriends. So if you actually like him (I can’t imagine how someone would like a spider-squishing monster), you could attempt to educate him in the spider-loving path and if he succeeds, then your liking of him will be validated.

Most people’s instinct to squish spiders comes from the fear of spiders. Therefore, in order to eradicate this behavior, one much educate spider-squishers on the wonder that is spiders.

To do this, I recommend first showing him traditionally adorable pictures of spiders on the internet before progressing to actual pictures of spiders. Also, show him the magic of spider webs. After he can do this without screeching and/or flinching at the more hairy specimens, collect spider webs and have him touch or walk through them. After he can do this without screeching, you will reach the ultimate challenge. Have him hold spiders and gaze at their eight-legged beauty. Maybe take a selfie with the spiders. Have a painting session with the spider. Try multiple spiders.

Tolerance will come first. Acceptance will take time, but it can be achieved.

If your boyfriend can accept spiders as the graceful creatures that they are, you don’t necessarily have to break up with him. But it is recommended that you do.

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Let’s Save the World!

I was looking at the weather forecast recently, as I usually do. The high for this Friday is 49°F (9°C)! That’s sweater weather in the middle of January in Michigan!

It’s ridiculous!

I don’t know if the warm weather recently is a result of global warming, but because of it, I have been thinking about global warming more than usual lately.

Carbon dioxide is a major contributing factor to rising temperatures. (This website discusses the science-y stuff way better than I could, so check it out.)

I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but there’s this thing called a “tree”, and you know what it does? It takes carbon dioxide and converts it into oxygen for FREE.

So why don’t you guys plant a tree this spring? You’ll be saving the Earth! You’ll be a hero! Think about it. Doesn’t that sound appealing?

You could force everyone to call you (insert name here) the Hero.

And while you’re at it, you could plant some flowers to help the bees in your life.

Or you could recycle.

 

So, readers, please use the Contact page to send me a picture of you planting a tree or a garden and I’ll make a collage of all the pictures I get around April.

 

And please talk about climate change and planting trees on your blog or pester your real-life friends. I think together we could save the world!

Foopy the Fruit Fly

As mentioned in my post Gardening, I once had a fairy garden that I watered too much and drowned. The roots of my plant rotted from the inside out.

Well, many fruit flies were attracted to my fairy garden and they would swarm around my fairy garden, for what purpose, I have no idea. I was quite fond of one particular fruit fly and I dubbed it Foopy.

Obviously, I had no way to tell the difference between Foopy and every other fruit fly and thus many, many fruit flies were named Foopy, but one at a time, of course.

As Foopy was not one fruit fly (as I believed), but many, Foopy lived far past the average life expectancy of a fruit fly.

 

On the note of life expectancy, look up the immortal jellyfish. It is my favorite animal (aside from spiders, obviously).

Dogs

Dogs here. Dogs there. Dogs drooling on your shoe. Dogs everywhere.

Whenever I see a dog on the street, I follow my instinct-like urges to pet such cuteness, but always get a scar on some part of my body. Dogs hate me, but I love them back. It is somewhat sad that this phenomenon reminds me of my friendship with Arachnid.

Here are the stages of my relationship with dogs:

1.An elderly man (or woman) is walking down the street with an adorable dog (or dogs).

2. I swoon over DOI (dog of interest) looking at him with heart eyes, stating how adorable the dog is. This goes on for a couple of minutes.

3. I ask the elderly man (or woman) to pet her dog.

4. The owner looks at me with a lovesick sideways glance, and I repeat that I want to pet the dog, not the owner.

5. The elderly man (or woman) says, “Just pet him/her! You’ve been stalking me for hours!” (Or some other variant of the saying)

6. I pet the dog, savoring the feeling of the fluffy fur on my hands. I take some fur because I want to remember this experience forever, and proceed to walk away.

7. Then the dog bites me.

8. I feel hurt, but again, this could just be a failed sign of companionship, so I show him the proper way.

9. The elderly man (woman) gawks at me, wondering how I could master the art of dog speaking so fluently. He (or she) asks me, “What are you doing with my dog?” He (or she) is clearly jealous of the love I’m giving to his (or her) dog.

10. “Oh,” I say this the same exact way every time, “I love you, too,” Then I pat the jealous owner on the head and leave.

To be honest, I think no attention goes to the jealous dog owners. Arachnid says that taking care of dogs is a struggle, unlike her poky cactuses who don’t require much food or water to survive (this is said for both Arachnid and her cactuses). Dog owners are hardworking people, keeping a new hassle in the house just because he/she is cute and does cool tricks. So next time you spot a dog owner, make sure to give him (or her) a little pat on the head too! They really deserve it!