Mellow Yellow Episode 27: The Theater

JOHN and LENA are in the living room. They are eating buttered popcorn.

LENA: I like pretzels better.

JOHN: We should go see a play!

LENA: I still like pretzels better.

JOHN: There’s this new one that everyone is talking about. It’s called “Dirt Garden.”

LENA: What’s it about?

JOHN: Uhhh… I’m not entirely sure. But everyone else raves about it. Therefore we’re going to love it, too. I heard the actors are supposed to be stunning.

LENA: (Plasters an obviously fake smile on her face): They can’t be a better actor than me.




LENA and JOHN are at the Beans Bunny Theater and the room is darkening and the curtains are lifting as the play begins.

JOHN: Is that…?


JOHN: It can’t be…

STRANGER #1 stands up. The rest of the audience is silent.

STRANGER #1 (cheering): Tick and Tock! You’re my heroes. The best actors in the business. Will you both marry me at the same time?

TOCK: Be quiet!! The show’s starting. And turn off your cell phones.

The play begins.

TICK (sobbing): Oh, my garden! All my flowers have been killed by some mysterious force! Now it’s nothing but…

A moment passes.

TICK: Nothing but…

The audience waits, at the edge of their seats. The anticipation is palpable.

TICK: Line?

TOCK (Whispering furiously): Dirt. Now it’s nothing but dirt.

The crowd is silent. TICK is silent. The whole theater is silent. TICK has fallen asleep.

TOCK: Aw $#%&!!! Get up, you stupid clod.

The curtain is quickly closed on a raging TOCK kicking a sleeping TICK.

The audience breaks into wild applause and whistles. It’s a standing ovation.




LENA and JOHN are talking to each other on the way out of the theater.

LENA (angry): Remind me never to listen to you ever again!

LENA stomps off in a random direction angrily.

JOHN (to himself): I thought it was magnificent.

JOHN hurries to catch up to LENA.