JOHN and LENA are in the living room. They are eating buttered popcorn.
LENA: I like pretzels better.
JOHN: We should go see a play!
LENA: I still like pretzels better.
JOHN: There’s this new one that everyone is talking about. It’s called “Dirt Garden.”
LENA: What’s it about?
JOHN: Uhhh… I’m not entirely sure. But everyone else raves about it. Therefore we’re going to love it, too. I heard the actors are supposed to be stunning.
LENA: (Plasters an obviously fake smile on her face): They can’t be a better actor than me.
***
LENA and JOHN are at the Beans Bunny Theater and the room is darkening and the curtains are lifting as the play begins.
JOHN: Is that…?
LENA: No!
JOHN: It can’t be…
STRANGER #1 stands up. The rest of the audience is silent.
STRANGER #1 (cheering): Tick and Tock! You’re my heroes. The best actors in the business. Will you both marry me at the same time?
TOCK: Be quiet!! The show’s starting. And turn off your cell phones.
The play begins.
TICK (sobbing): Oh, my garden! All my flowers have been killed by some mysterious force! Now it’s nothing but…
A moment passes.
TICK: Nothing but…
The audience waits, at the edge of their seats. The anticipation is palpable.
TICK: Line?
TOCK (Whispering furiously): Dirt. Now it’s nothing but dirt.
The crowd is silent. TICK is silent. The whole theater is silent. TICK has fallen asleep.
TOCK: Aw $#%&!!! Get up, you stupid clod.
The curtain is quickly closed on a raging TOCK kicking a sleeping TICK.
The audience breaks into wild applause and whistles. It’s a standing ovation.
***
LENA and JOHN are talking to each other on the way out of the theater.
LENA (angry): Remind me never to listen to you ever again!
LENA stomps off in a random direction angrily.
JOHN (to himself): I thought it was magnificent.
JOHN hurries to catch up to LENA.
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