Mellow Yellow Episode 27: The Theater

JOHN and LENA are in the living room. They are eating buttered popcorn.

LENA: I like pretzels better.

JOHN: We should go see a play!

LENA: I still like pretzels better.

JOHN: There’s this new one that everyone is talking about. It’s called “Dirt Garden.”

LENA: What’s it about?

JOHN: Uhhh… I’m not entirely sure. But everyone else raves about it. Therefore we’re going to love it, too. I heard the actors are supposed to be stunning.

LENA: (Plasters an obviously fake smile on her face): They can’t be a better actor than me.

 

***

 

LENA and JOHN are at the Beans Bunny Theater and the room is darkening and the curtains are lifting as the play begins.

JOHN: Is that…?

LENA: No!

JOHN: It can’t be…

STRANGER #1 stands up. The rest of the audience is silent.

STRANGER #1 (cheering): Tick and Tock! You’re my heroes. The best actors in the business. Will you both marry me at the same time?

TOCK: Be quiet!! The show’s starting. And turn off your cell phones.

The play begins.

TICK (sobbing): Oh, my garden! All my flowers have been killed by some mysterious force! Now it’s nothing but…

A moment passes.

TICK: Nothing but…

The audience waits, at the edge of their seats. The anticipation is palpable.

TICK: Line?

TOCK (Whispering furiously): Dirt. Now it’s nothing but dirt.

The crowd is silent. TICK is silent. The whole theater is silent. TICK has fallen asleep.

TOCK: Aw $#%&!!! Get up, you stupid clod.

The curtain is quickly closed on a raging TOCK kicking a sleeping TICK.

The audience breaks into wild applause and whistles. It’s a standing ovation.

 

***

 

LENA and JOHN are talking to each other on the way out of the theater.

LENA (angry): Remind me never to listen to you ever again!

LENA stomps off in a random direction angrily.

JOHN (to himself): I thought it was magnificent.

JOHN hurries to catch up to LENA.

Mellow Yellow Episode 15: Outside In

TICK, TOCK, and MASTER are selling Outside In novels in the busy streets of Almuerzo.

TICK: Buy them fresh from the counter! Get some copies of Outside In today!

TOCK: Yes, this book will always keep you on your toes!

MASTER: EVEN IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY! (becomes a ghost)

LENA walks up to the stand wanting to purchase some books while JOHN follows her, scoffing at how bad it is.

LENA: Can I have one?

TOCK: Sure! Tick, can you grab one for her?

TICK: Here. (holds up Outside In: The Guide To Indoor Gardening)

JOHN: What! I thought it was just Outside In!

LENA: (Raises eyebrow) What in the world is that?

MASTER: We don’t have that title, but, if you want, we have free Masters!

JOHN: Ooooh! Plushies!

TOCK hands him a Master Lock.

LENA: Can I have one too?

JOHN cries, dying his hair a light purple color

ZHAN: YES! (shaves him bald)

JOHN cries even harder.

 

~~~END

Mellow Yellow Episode 7: Ghosts

MASTER and the other dead people are in the cemetery trying to find out how ARA became a living creature

MASTER: This is my first line!

BREAD SNADWHICH 1: …

BREAD SNADWHICH 2: …

ALL THE NEGATIVE NUMBERED SNADWHICHES: …   

MASTER: YOU BREADS ARE THE BEST! HUGS!

MARY: How did that girl manage to get all that energy to become a living being? (Narrows eyes intensely)

MASTER: Well, I don’t know. (pauses) Can you rub my feet?

MARY: No, MASTER. We are ghosts remember? Ghosts don’t have feet.

MASTER: DON’T DEFY MEEEEEE!

MARY: (shivering) Yes, MASTER. (tries to rub ghost-tail thing)

MASTER: STOP! THOSE ARE NOT MY FEET!

MARY: Exactly! You don’t have feet! (Covers her mouth, after realizing what she said)

MASTER: Okay… So can you rub my toes?

MARY: (facepalms) Now back to what I was talking about: How did ARA become a human again?

MASTER (With BREAD SNADWHICHES huddled around him): She’s a Mary Sue, remember! That’s why she was killed off.

MARY: She wanted to keep her secret from you! That’s why she died.

MASTER: I guess she didn’t want to reveal that the authors did not have an excuse to make her overpowered.

MARY: You are just a sore loser, you know that! (Covers her mouth again)

MASTER: Perhaps… But, maybe I should join ARA. It’s really boring being dead with you. And I really want to feel the spongy texture of my wife again.

MARY: How are you going to go? With your toes? (Covers mouth) Stop the disobedience, Mary! (to herself)

MASTER: Yes.

All the BREAD SNADWHICHES huddle together in a toe-like form. The toe taps MASTER and he becomes human again, and the BREADS become breads again.

MARY:
patrick.pngMASTER (to BREAD SNADWHICHES): Now I can eat you! (Eats a piece of BREAD)

MASTER becomes green in the face and spits out the BREAD. All the other BREADS back away.

MASTER (voice grave): NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I’m gluten-free!

 

~~~~END

Mellow Yellow Episode 5: Clock School!

The two Clock sisters are in Master’s office. Of course, it’s Bread Snadwich’s now, because Master hates his daughter, Lena

Tock (to the audience): Welcome to Clock School, where we teach new apprentices for Master!

Tick: We even taught Mary!

Tock: Today, we will teach you the life cycle of a Bread Snadwich!

Bread Snadwich: …

Tick pulls out a diagram

Tock: First, the bread sandwich is born or created. This requires three pieces of bread and two bread chefs. Isn’t that right, Tick?

Tick is sleeping soundly as Zhan is slowly pulling  out strands of her hair

Zhan: I have a question. Are you—

Tock: (Cutting him off) Then the bread sandwich is created! During this time, a fluffy hat cradle will be suggested for better and faster growth!

Zhan: Are you girls m—

Tock: (Cutting him off again) Now for the best part! Love! After that stage, the Bread Snadwich will go to Master. No other spouses should be present.

Zhan: (frustrated)  ARE YOU GIRLS MARRIED? (Pulls a strand of hair too harshly)

Tick: I’m up. (Groans, ignoring the question)

Tock: (Also dodging the question) And the worst part: Death. This is when Master cannot control himself and eats the poor Bread Snadwich. This stage is also dubbed as “Break up” because after digestion she is abandoned.

Zhan: ARE YOU GIRLS MARRIED? ANSWER MY QUESTION!

Tick and Tock: …

Zhan: (giving up and also grunting) Speaking of ellipses, where is Bread Snadwich?

Tock looks around, confused

Tick: I know. (Rushes out the door)

Quinn (to the sandwich): (Huddled in a corner with the Bread Snadwich) You look very pretty today…

Tick: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER THIS INSTANT!

Quinn (not hearing Tick): But I have to ask you this urgent question, Snadwich. Will you marry me? (holds up a ring)

Bread Snadwich: …

Tick: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HAVE A CHANCE WITH MY CHILD, PUNK!

Quinn: You will?! Oh, this is the most joyous day of my life!

Tick: NO! SHE WILL NOT! (grabs the Bread Snadwich)

Quinn: YES, SHE WILL! (tugs it from her hands and runs down the hall)

 

~~~END

Mellow Yellow Episode 4: Capri Suns

Quinn: I guess I have to babysit you…

Ara: Yes. But, I’m older than you and better than you and stronger than you! (Sits on Quinn’s head)

Quinn: Ahh! My beautiful, luscious, hair!

Ara: Who’s babysitting now!

Quinn: Actually, I’m still babysitting. (Revealed to be sitting on the Bread Snadwich)

Ara: Oh. Blobfish! I have to alter the universe to get my way now!

Quinn: WHA—? (Trips over shoelaces)

Ara: HOORAY! YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE SHOELACES!

Quinn (thinking): John wasn’t kidding when he said you were a Mary Sue!

White hole opens up, and Kyr comes out with frizzy hair and a bunch of pink hairdryers

Ara is drinking her Capri Sun

Kyr: Where did you get that! (grabs pouch of juice)

Lena comes in from Unicornia early. Let’s just say she’s not a very big fan of chocolate.

Quinn: (Also with a Capri Sun) I can never stick the straws in these things! (violently struggles to put the straw in the hole)

Lena: Hey! Where did— (Brutally stabbed in the heart with a yellow straw)

 

~~~END