Partying in New York and Other Social Struggles (and a rant about school)

Hello, nonexistent peeps!

So as you may know, I recently went to my cousin’s wedding in New York. The wedding was really different from my other cousin’s wedding in Bangladesh. While the Bangladesh wedding was strictly traditional and tedious, the New York one consisted of three straight days of partying with much alcohol involved. While I don’t enjoy parties (or people in general) I did have fun discovering a new version of people-watching: Drunk people-watching.

The drunken peoples did many, many idiotic things. It was hilarious.

One dude was very, very drunk and he was dancing flopping like a fish out of water. At one point he fell asleep on my cousin’s shoulder, and my cousin just let him stay there. After that, he fell asleep on the floor for a bit before finally sleeping on one of the tables at the banquet hall.

The drunk peoples also wriggled around on the floor doing a “snake dance”.

Before people got overly drunk, there were some social struggles. I was wearing an off-the-shoulder dress at the party, and an older lady touched my shoulder and asked if it was the style or if it was ripped. I usually keep my sarcasm inside my head with strangers, but I was annoyed, so it kinda slipped out and with a little extra bite. I said, “No, it ripped” with an unspoken Of course it’s the style. This is obvious. And it’s rude to ask people if their clothing is torn. *Shrugs* I was feeling mean. And then EVERYONE within earshot gasped. My mom tried to play it off because I had, in fact, just ripped my skirt.

Soon after, I was retrieving my food from the buffet and I was trying to pick up the naan, but I dropped the tongs on the floor. I tried to get the waiter’s attention while the line was growing behind me. The lady behind me told me to just put it on the table. As soon as I exited the line, a new waiter arrived and put the tongs BACK IN THE FOOD.

and I didn’t say anything.

At the actual wedding, I wore a dress that weighed a LOT. I’m certain that if someone weight trained with it, they would grow some serious muscles. (Is that the proper terminology?!) My mom said that I could change out of the dress after a couple hours, but then she accidentally left the normal dress in the car, which was driven away by a valet-dude. But I convinced my mom to let me wear my sneakers with the dress. So people were drunk. Other people got married. One of my cousins asked his wife who she was. One cousin tried to give away his credit card. One person I don’t know was feeding people desserts from a communal spoon. Etc. Many cousins wriggled on the floor pretending to be snakes.

There was also this priest-dude. In the middle of a ceremony, he got a phone call. He talked for fiveish minutes, in the middle of the ceremony. “Yep. Hi. Sup. Yeah, I’m marrying some peeps right now.” And then after the phone call, he started the ceremony over again.

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Bonus: A Random, Unrelated Rant.

So yesterday, we got our schedules for school and mine was pretty messed up. They kicked me out of the honors math program and put me in precalculus instead of honors precalculus. This is because I’m doing the class as a tenth grader with eleventh graders and the upperclassmen get priority for honors. Because I’m in regular precalculus, all the honors precalculus homework that I spent the summer doing is now obsolete and the year after, I’ll have to do Calculus AB instead of Calculus BC like the honors kids.

On top of that, instead of a biology class I REALLY wanted, I got health and architectural design, which a super bummer because no one likes health (which I’d planned to do over the summer) and I’m not interested in architecture. So instead of the biology class, which is full, I asked for Physics, but that’s full, too. So then I asked for Spanish 3, but that doesn’t work either. My friends who also wanted the biology class all ended up with Physics. This is awful because I wanted more science.

I am like cookie monster. I want math/science.

GIVE ME.

I’m upset.

A New Book!

Since I just came back from a trip in Madrid, Italy, I’m very, very tired, but today, I’ll share with you our newest book which just came out on Amazon! It has sold one copy so far and I’m very proud of the publication.

It’s called “Wholesome Poetry” and it’s very different from today’s contemporary mindset towards the genre. Our book may be fattening for some of you, hard to swallow, but take it with an open mind. I hope it flips your view of poetry in the future, as it breaks all the established conventions of our current day rhyme and riddle.

Also, it covers a topic that is very controversial, which is the item of food. Food is rarely written about and these “wholesome” foods contain some secret that is very vicious:  carbs.

By writing about bread, wheat, and other grainy products, we hope to open the eyes of the people who throw away the crust. If this book is successful, we will create a sequel about how hotdogs and chicken nuggets are conjured.

Now for a little sneak peek:

Oh, u were so thick, oatmeal

Looking back at ur surface, my eyes a soft teal

But, oh y, may I ask were u not gluten free?

Y u not the perfect food for me?

If you enjoyed that, please check out the link: https://www.amazon.com/s/bread/poetry

What’s In My Purse?

I’m not one to flaunt around my femininity, but when I do, it’s with a purse. Some girls don’t like purses, but within my purse, I always have things that I need, such as earbuds for when the insides of my ears get cold, chapstick for glossing my always-dry lips, or spare change for a nice jingling sound at Christmas, only 11 and half months away.

So, what do I have in my purse?

• My phone
• My ID
• Three mechanical pencils
• Two Chapstick
• A random highlighter I stole from an office
• Spare change (eight dollars, six quarters, five dimes and two pennies)
• A single dream-catcher earring
• Two pens (one used to write in blue, but it is out of ink)
• A scrunchie that I never use
• Earbuds
• My “bookmark” (basically a hollowed bag of gummies folded hot dog style to serve as a page holder)
• A purple eraser
• And a paper for some dentist thing

Honestly, I don’t remember what the paper is for exactly. It’s for the smiles are everywhere program that helps people with no dental insurance. But I have dental insurance…

It was actually for getting the free mints they were serving with the papers.

Mustache

I grew a mustache yesterday.

It is fun to stroke, and I think Arachnid thinks it’s pretty fancy. Or thinks I may be a man. Either one has its perks. When I look in the mirror, I fashionably twirl up my under nose hairs, like the Pringles man. He is one of my role models, with that amazing facial hair of his, twirling with no end.

The funny thing is that I have never grown such hair before, and am already a pro. Perhaps I ate too many Pringles, or am turning into a giant tarantula.

Am I the next Spooderman?

Taking care of a mustache is almost as easy as taking care of a cactus without the poky things. It is just a patch of hair, gray and messy just like the hairs on my head. Plus I don’t have to do my makeup since everyone thinks I’m a boy now.

Yesterday, I went inside the bathroom and a lady with a pink shirt and a mini human screamed. I looked inside the mini human’s lumpy underwear, checking if she had any problems. The pink lady gazed on in horror, until eventually taking her mini human away. She thought I was a man. Surely, no one would scream for a mishap in manners, right? Also, I put a pun in the last sentence. I was bathing my mustache.

Today, I am going to set my mustache free! So for the remembrance of my manly and beautiful mustache, I am making this blog post.

So I release it from its terra cotta pot and watch as it flies far away. I hope it reaches a proper owner.

Soon, I hear Arachnid yelling curses next door.

It seems as if my attachment to Arachnid has been passed on to my facial hair in a rather literal way.

 

 

 

 

Pockets: A Rant

I am a girl. Therefore, I wear girls’ clothing. Girls’ clothing includes pants.

PANTS THAT DO NOT HAVE FRONT POCKETS!

It is an abomination!

I am a pragmatist. Therefore, I like things that are practical. Pants that do not have front pockets are not practical.

To clarify, our pants do have front pockets, they are just FAKE. As in, you can not put ACTUAL MATERIAL POSSESSIONS in them. Only imaginary material possessions fit in these imaginary pockets. But what is the use of imaginary material possessions in an actual world?

As our pants do not have front pockets, we are forced to use our back pockets, which are absolutely minuscule. So if we somehow manage to stuff all our material possessions in these absolutely minuscule back pockets without ripping the entire pocket off, we are still forced to sit on our material possessions. What if your material possession happens to be a black hole encased in glass that would devour the entire world if the glass were ever to shatter?

Since we have no place to put our material possessions, we girls are forced to carry around inane mobile pockets called purses to tote our belongings. They are incredibly irritating and they get in the way of everything and you always have to watch out for purse burglars. If only we had actual pockets. It is quite difficult to steal a pocket.

An absolutely marvelous idea is presented in Keeper of the Lost Cities by Shannon Messenger: What if pockets were on your ankles?

Wouldn’t that be spectacular? It would solve all problems! Front pockets could be fake, but you’d still have a place to put your material possessions. And, as a bonus, you wouldn’t have to sit on your stuff (which is absolutely absurd, by the way), which means the world wouldn’t be devoured by a rampaging black hole!

A note to fashion-people: Make pants with pockets at the ankles.

Mavis Dee also makes a lovely addition to this worthwhile argument about the imperative lack of pockets which you will find by clicking on the word “link”.

Link