She’s Having a Baby?!

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So last Monday, my cousin’s wife had a baby. I didn’t know she was pregnant.

Sure, big families can be fun with the endless stream of people who are obligated to like you. But they can also be a burden.

When you near forty cousins, there’s a problem. Many problems, in fact. Such as no one telling you that one of them is having a baby. And not being able to remember said baby’s name.

One day your mom will tell you that one of your closest cousin’s has a new wife (He got married?!) or is having another baby (He’s married?!).

And you can never remember a week later that they got married or had a baby.

 

Or sometimes you’ll be at a party and some random stranger will come up to you and the following conversation will ensue:

Stranger: Hey, Arachnid! I’m your aunt! I saw you when you were three. You used to run around without clothes on. Remember?

Arachnid: Oh, hey…yeah. I totally remember that. You’re my favorite relative! How could I possibly forget you? Uhh… Remind me how we’re related?

*Stranger that claims she is your relative holds out her arms for a hug.*

Arachnid (Thinking): Who in the blobfish is this random dude? I’m supposed to HUG her?!

*Arachnid awkwardly shakes the stranger’s hand*

 

I often have difficulties remembering all the members of the Weaver family (There are so many!). I ask my parents beforehand whenever we go to visit family. I still can never remember their names, though.

Most of my cousins are a lot older than me, and they’re all getting married (I’m going to go off on a little tangent about arranged marriages now. One of my cousins is getting married this summer. It was arranged. They talked on Facebook for NINE DAYS when he proposed to her. And she said yes. THEY HAVE NEVER MET IN PERSON. *Ultimate face-palm. Face-palm so hard I accidentally decapitate myself*) And my cousins are all getting married to people with even BIGGER families and then I have to learn all of their names.

A couple months ago, a large portion of my family went to my dad’s brother’s son’s son’s first birthday party. One of my cousin’s friends came to the party and he asked my cousin how he was related to the Birthday Boy.

Friend: How are you guys related?

Cousin: Uhh… He’s my mother’s sister’s husband’s brother’s son’s son.

Friend: …

 

I need to make a flowchart or something to keep track of everyone.

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41 thoughts on “She’s Having a Baby?!”

  1. Omg. I´m howling! That´s exactly what my brother and I went through at my brother´s wedding this month.
    That awkward moment when THEY want a hug and you don´t know what to do with them or yourself in that moment…
    Mason: ( pulling me aside ) Who is that lady at the cake buffet?
    Me: No clue.
    Mason: Do you think there´s a good chance that we might have more siblings?
    Me: I hope not. Why?
    Mason: Because if she´s kept 2/3 of the family a secret for so long then she might be keeping the others hidden from us.
    Me: Shit. Here comes another one. Go and sit down and don´t look shocked again if she´s claimes to be another relative.

    It was an interesting wedding. To see how quick “family” can come together when there´s free food.

    I so feel your pain. The bush drums run slow the bigger the family is. And often times you can´t keep up or remember half the stuff family tells you because you don´t really know half the people they´re talking about…. because you´ve never seen them.
    Great post. ❤

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    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has trouble keeping track of them all. I was starting to feel bad for forgetting them.
      Do you think they can remember us? Or do they have flash cards that they study before every family reunion?

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      1. Oh, I´m convinced they all know us. They know every single thing about us. I´m even convinced they practice their “naaaw, look at you. You´re all grown up now.” face before family events.

        Have you ever thought about how your mom keeps track of all the family members? And when does she find the time to keep in touch? Mine must wake up at 3 a.m every morning and start the phone calls because I have NEVER witnessed her talking to some so called aunt of mine.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Maybe they put facts about us on the flash cards.
        They probably do practice their expressions beforehand.
        My mom probably has flash cards and a schedule or something. Remembering so many people that you rarely see should be impossible.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Aah, but there´s the next issue: IS there a guarantee that you´ll see him/her sometime soon? If not then you can always act like you´re the black sheep of the family. The one person who´s always the last to know.

        But that might result in you having more contact with more family members. They´ll start to feel sorry for you and make an effort to keep in touch more often. Lol.

        Liked by 1 person

      9. And it´s not a wise idea to ask because it´ll look like you weren´t paying attention ( or your mother wasn´t ). Family can´t handle family not paying attention ( as I´ve painfully witnessed myself a few days ago ).

        At the wedding my LONG FORGOTTEN cousin introduced herself as Christina. I called her Christine a few times by accident. Let´s just say we won´t be sending each other X-mas cards in the future now.

        Here´s a good idea- give the baby a neutral nickname and stick with that forever! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      11. Or you can use cutie for now and Bud when it´s older! Brilliant! Lol
        Who? My mother, of course. And we believe she was reminded by my grandmother WHO is a member of the family ( because if all fails, ask the fossil )

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The struggle is real. Us, desi people, have some seriously big families it’s hard to keep track of who’s who. Every couple of months a relative we never knew pops up claiming to know us lol.

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      9. Don’t worry, dude, the struggle is real when it comes to our mother tongue. The first part means greetings.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I can relate to this post all too much! Especially the part with an older relative remembering you when you’re a child, but you don’t have a clue who they are! I experience this so much on both my parents’ sides of the family. It also doesn’t help that my mom’s family speaks Chinese all the time, and I can only speak English. Hahahaha.

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    1. It’s so weird how the older relatives sometimes expect you to remember them, though. I can speak Bengali, but I’m not particularly good at it. So I can understand when my relatives speak to me, but I can’t understand when they speak to each other because they use a different dialect, so it’s often difficult to follow the conversation. My vocabulary is also somewhat limited, so conversations often can’t go beyond pleasantries.

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  5. i can totally relate! my family is enormous, live all around the globe. I even have some cousins i only met a few years back…. and the baby thing? i have a cousin who lives like fifteen minutes away. his wife had a baby a couple weeks back. when did she get pregnant? and, ooh, what’s her name again?

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    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one! I have the most difficultly keeping track of the family in Australia since some of them I’ve never met and the rest I haven’t seen since I was about four. The one who recently had a baby lives in Australia.

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      1. i finished meeting all my immediate family – cousins, aunts, uncles a few years ago, . but i have a variety of 2nd cousins and in laws i don’t think i’ll ever meet. i bet there are some i don’t even know exist.

        Liked by 1 person

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