So Sophia Ismaa Writes sent Arachnid this question: Is there a friendly way to deal with selfish, self-obsessed people? I tend to be blunt, but I want to learn how to do it in a more sensitive manner.
Arachnid got stumped on this one due to her lack of experience in being nice, so I stepped in for her.
The age-old question: How do you deal with selfish people?
Personally, I would ditch them, but if you want them to really be your friend, then I suggest these things:
1. Stop doing things for them.
This may seem harsh, but by not doing those little “favors” for them, you take away their intentions of using you just for attention. Instead of helping said selfish person to pick out clothes when shopping, focus on yourself. Ask them (nicely) if a dress is in your style and then maybe go on a tangent about things that both of you enjoy. By doing this you take away their need to talk about themselves.
2. Don’t become selfish yourself
By being around selfish people, you may contract some selfish traits, so be wary. Continue to be nice to them, but only as far off friends (like that uncle you see only once every decade) and try to avoid them and their selfish ways.
3. Remind them (gently) that the world does not revolve around them.
Sometimes, selfish people get so caught up in themselves that they forget other people are around them. This is a dangerous territory; it may make you feel like saying, “You only care about yourself! Why don’t you care about me?” Beware of this. Instead of reminding them in this way, simply tap their shoulder and change the subject like so, “Hey, (insert selfish person here). I have something that I want to talk about. Do you care to listen?” If this person is polite and realizes his or her wrongdoings, then he/she should say yes.
If he/she refuses and just keeps blabbering about him/herself then I recommend calling him/her a shellfish, throwing shrimp and various soft prawns in his/her’s face and then running out the back door.
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It’s so easy to get caught up in our own lives that we can forget other people are more than just “extras” and have full lives of their own. Sometimes telling them a simple story about something that happened to you, that had no impact on them, can be a gentle reminder of that fact and shake them out of their selfishness. Alternatively, you could physically shake them while screaming, “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!” It may not help them, but you might feel better.
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I see…
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Must remember to use the other tactics you’ve suggested first and hold on to the shellfish as an exhaustive measure.
“Continue to be nice to them, but only as far off friends (like that uncle you see only once every decade) and try to avoid them and their selfish ways.” I can definitely do this…
and thanks for the advice! I’m more braver in relationships than I am with friends, sadly.
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That’s how I am too, although maybe I just think that because I never been in an actual relationship.
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Hey, you be as sassy as you want in a hypothetical relationship.
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I like number three.
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It’s my favorite too. Probably the best advice I have ever given.
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