Savoring a Social Gathering!

Hello! If you cannot already tell by the title, this post is about savoring a Social Gathering. It appears that Arachnid has taught to the wrong way to survive such situations and this blog post is here to fix it. Really, it’s not about surviving at all, but just partying hard and savoring the moment. So how do you really survive a Social Gathering?

1.Examine your specimens.

I cannot stress this enough! Examining your specimens is the first and most important step to looking good at a party. Look at their face, their body, their mannerisms, to see if this is the right crowd for you. If it is right, go away immediately. By doing this you create something like school, a bunch of cliques just bunching up, which is an absolute mess. Do you enjoy hugging trees? Go to the group of business men looking to destroy the environment with more paper! Are you a lazy slug? Go dance with the people doing breakdown dances, sweating of the dance floor. It doesn’t matter if they look at you weird, just have fun! But as a always hip-party-person, you must want more than just a group that doesn’t suit you, you want to talk to them, correct?

You: *eagerly nods*

2. Compliment your dishes.

This step will need a lot of examination from the first step. Don’t just compliment them on something vague, compliment them on something so specific that they won’t even notice it! Here are some examples:

“Your bleeding pinkie cuticle poking out from under that bandage of yours tastes nice.”

“The Frosted Flakes in your hair really adds some nice smells!”

“Have I mentioned that the stealth of which you flush the toilet also while passing toilet paper to me is fabulous?”

“I like the angle of which the pimple on your nose slopes. Perfect 90 degrees, baby!”

“Those farts smell like tropical fruit.”

“The way you burn your tongue while eating pizza is just adorable!”

“Your torso is quiet spherical. Like, just like Pi spherical, you know? It’s just like your head!”

These are example of perfect compliments to give your peers. If they try to back away, slowly, you are probably doing it right! Make sure to grab them by the neck and make sure they can’t get away. Only then you can move on to the next step and prove that you want to socialize with those people.

3. Physical Contact/ Making Sure They Stay

Now for the hard part, making sure they stay. You can hug them, lock the door, chain them to a chair, press all the buttons in a elevator, and parading them with questions. This is the hard part because POI (person of interest) seems to not be interested back and will try to run off. Your job is to not let them, because you know they will stay once they get to know you. The real you.

Most people get nervous at physical contact or even queasy (especially Arachnid) at such gestures. Here, confidence is key. Do not back down, and make sure your prisoners——friends have no options to escape. No one can hear them scream.

You: WAAAAAAAAGHHH!

 

 

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