Imaginary Q&A

The following Q&A is completely imaginary, which means it never happened. If you were to ask, “Whose imagination is it?”, I would answer, “Why, yours, dear nonexistent reader.”

“Is Arachnid your real name?” Nobody asks.

“Of course. When Spinette and I were born, our parents immediately knew that we would grow up to become spider-themed authors and named us accordingly.”

“Where do you live?”

“I can assure you, Nobody, that I live in this universe, or the next, or in Somebody’s imagination,” Arachnid answers, slightly bored and highly annoyed.

“How long have you known Spinette?” Nobody asks. He falls off his seat after asking this question and lies on the floor at Arachnid’s feet.

Arachnid sips her cranberry juice, unsurprised at his poor coordination, and answers, “Not longer than I can remember.”

“How old are you?” Nobody inquires from the floor. He picks up a spider and lets it crawl over his hand.

“Why do you ask?”

“Why does Anybody ask a question?” Nobody replies.

“Because he does not know the answer.”

“Exactly.”

“Moving on,” Arachnid says, moving on.

“Rumor says that you are part spider.”

“That’s not a question.”

“Alright.” Nobody pauses for a moment, rewording his statement so it can become a question. “Are the rumors that you are part spider true?”

“This interview is making you uncomfortable.”

“You mean,” Nobody says, the spider making a web on his shoulder, “‘This interview is making you uncomfortable.'”

“No.”

“Is Spinette human?”

“Goodbye.”

“Um…,” Nobody mumbles, picking himself up off the floor, “I’ll be leaving now.”

“Put the spider back.”

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